Sunn

I need help. I think I'm an alcoholic. The thing is though I've never been a big drinker butt lately it's been non-stop. I lost my job at the end of last year, I've had three family members die in the past three months as well. At the beginning of this year I found myself drinking during the day while I was surfing the internet looking for jobs. I'd hide booze in my drawers so my partner wouldn't see and I'd put it in soda cans so they'd think i was drinking only soda. I spent almost an entire month drunk. I was doing what I needed to all things considered. Applying for jobs. I went went to two interviews (not drunk, but for one I did have a drink before because I was nervous). But i was drinking a bottle of jack and/or some wine every day\ or two for about a month. Then I took two weeks off to "get myself straight" and then I'd go back to drinking thinking that i could be like I was before this year happened. Then I'd drink for a week or two and then I'd stop drinking for a few days and then the cycle would continue.

What is wrong with me? If alcoholism is supposed to be a disease or some genetic thing then why wasn't I like this when I worked at a bar? Why wasn't I like this in college? I've never had this problem and now I'm almost 40 and I'm turning into a boozehound now? I've read some posts here and I feel like I'm being dramatic. I feel like there are some people out there with some genuine problems that they have little control over and I'd be taking advantage if I said I might be one of them. Can someone just turn into an alcoholic because their life is such crap? Am I a situational alcoholic suggesting that I just need to see a shrink and get some damn willpower or am I just a new alcoholic? Why wasn't I a big drinker before? I didn't have any other crutches. I only did drugs occasionally and in college. I quick smoking years and years ago. Why do I seem to be addicted to something now that I've done for decades and never had an addiction to?

Please help. I want to stop drinking but since the end of last year I just haven't been able to do it for much longer than a couple of weeks. Do I see a doctor? Do I go to AA? Do I just man up and throw away my booze? (If it were that easy I probably wouldn't be posting.)

Thanks in advance.

least

Yes, it's possible to 'become' alcoholic. I'd suggest getting all the support you can find, whether it's AA, counseling, or some other program. It might be helpful to see your doctor to detox safely. The withdrawals can be dangerous. No matter what method of real-life support you use, you'll find lots of it here at SR. Welcome to the family.

CarolD

I never knew what day or which drink slid me into alcoholism.
Mine was a slow steady progression.

Glad you are here...Welcome to our recovery community...

dfw

I had some similar triggers even though I'm only in my 20's. I went through a long bout of unemployment, had a close friend die, and all I did was drink frequently. It's hard to admit that it's a problem, don't attempt to rationalize how it happened. Just acknowledge that it did happen and that quitting alcohol and abstaining from it might be your best option.

littlegirllost7

I think that if we feel the need to hide it or the need to do it daily...it is a problem, no matter "why". I am not a doctor, but my personal belief is that it could be a disease we are born with and it also can be learned due to circumstances. It may be that for you..your job was a "tool" that helped you not have the need for it daily or at all for that matter. It could be the loss of job triggered i. I personally have had a fulltime job and drank nightly and that was my excuse...I hated my job. Now that I am looking for work, that is my excuse....I need a job. I am finding that point blank...I cannot drink. When I look back it worked against me way many more times that it ever worked for me, so regardless the reason, I can't.

Sunn

I can't believe people replied so quickly. That means a lot. Lately I've been feeling like I couldn't even bring this up to my friends and family. With the death and the crappiness this year has brought to people I know I just kept thinking I needed to keep my **** together myself and not add burdens. Of course, it never occurred to me that drinking so much was the opposite of keeping my **** together. I've made offhanded joking comments about how I need to stop drinking but I've never actually said or typed the words above before. It feels good and bad at the same time.

Carol, that's it. You're right. I guess there's no magical moment where someone just becomes and alcoholic. I really need to stop questioning the logic behind it and just admit it and deal with it.

Thank you all for replying so quickly and for making me feel so welcome.

Dee74

Some great advice here Sunn - I agree with everyone else it's a progression.

I recommend seeing your Dr - detox can sometimes be tricky - and also checking out face to face support like AA or another recovery group, or maybe some counselling as some possible first moves.

Welcome to SR

D

littlegirllost7

I feel the same in that I cannot talk to family or friends about it. Since I found this site..I am feeling much much better that there are so many like me out there. It's instant support and it is a wonderful start. Keep coming back even if it's just to read others' posts.

Sunn

I have to tell you guys that had I checked back when I did and there were no replies then I probably would've never checked back again. I'm actually crying right now thinking that there are people out there who don't even know me but who are willing to spend some time telling me that they udnerstand and I need to get help. I didn't know how much I needed that until you gave it to me.

Please respond to all newcomers the way you've responded to me. This means so much to me. You don't even know. ...or maybe you do since you've been where I am. Just keep doing what you're doing.

artsoul

That's exactly right...... I vividly remember when I made my first post (it felt surreal in a way), and how much the responses meant to me, too. Every word went straight to my heart and I realize I had been miserable for a long, long time.

So yeah, we do get it and that's what's so great about this place. Hang in there Sunn - we're with you!

ACT10Npack

It's good that your seeing that your using alcohol as a way out with your problem. Don't worry about if your an alcoholic or not. If you think your abusing alcohol to avoid life then stop and start dealing with your problems. Once you face your problems head on then dealing with abusing alcohol is much easier to do.

Good luck