So here we are...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 91
So here we are...
Thought i would share some feeling and observations reflecting on my week. I am currently on day 6, feeling really good and incredibly strong, considering i have had many ups and downs this week.
down's: I am business owner, which living one day at a time is very much a way of life in this economy. It is often said that my mood can be determined by the cash flow of the week. This week not so good!! Had lunch meeting with client/drinking buddy, did not drink, just had a soda. Within about 30 min i began to question my judgement, think beer was the only thing we ever had in common. Not sure i will be meeting up again!
ups: My family is seeing that i a really putting in an effort, even though i haven't really discussed it with them, they see that i am more engaged. I have been taking my kids for long walks at night to unwind, also did a movie night with them the other night. My oldest who is 10 asked me after if we could do movie night once every week. My presence was appreciated and i felt like i was being a good Dad, which made me feel really good. Pretty good for a guy who would normally hang out in my home office.
I have been doing a lot of reading this week. Got the big book on my phone so i have been reading a chapter each day as well as reading my bible. I came from a church going family but really haven't bothered with anything religious in the last 15 years. Been finding this whole process very humbling. I am starting to feel alive again.
Anyways, big thank you to all that have posted and shared on this week. I have been on here daily and all your posts have given me strength to fight another day. And with that i am off with my boys fishing for the weekend!
down's: I am business owner, which living one day at a time is very much a way of life in this economy. It is often said that my mood can be determined by the cash flow of the week. This week not so good!! Had lunch meeting with client/drinking buddy, did not drink, just had a soda. Within about 30 min i began to question my judgement, think beer was the only thing we ever had in common. Not sure i will be meeting up again!
ups: My family is seeing that i a really putting in an effort, even though i haven't really discussed it with them, they see that i am more engaged. I have been taking my kids for long walks at night to unwind, also did a movie night with them the other night. My oldest who is 10 asked me after if we could do movie night once every week. My presence was appreciated and i felt like i was being a good Dad, which made me feel really good. Pretty good for a guy who would normally hang out in my home office.
I have been doing a lot of reading this week. Got the big book on my phone so i have been reading a chapter each day as well as reading my bible. I came from a church going family but really haven't bothered with anything religious in the last 15 years. Been finding this whole process very humbling. I am starting to feel alive again.
Anyways, big thank you to all that have posted and shared on this week. I have been on here daily and all your posts have given me strength to fight another day. And with that i am off with my boys fishing for the weekend!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congrats on your 6 days - sounds like you're already experiencing some good stuff! I noticed a lot of the same things. You talk about being more "engaged" and I think that's so true, and it's a perfect word for it.
As an artist, I live month to month too, and the last few years I've had to refinance my house and live off credit cards here and there to make it. Things have been somewhat better this year and I think 75% of that is due to my not drinking. I've put more time/energy into my work, but I also noticed that my intuition/soul is open again to pick up new ideas and solve problems...... I'm also generally less stressed, so that probably also affects my work......
Anyhoo, just wanted to say hang in there and keep going! It gets better and better.
As an artist, I live month to month too, and the last few years I've had to refinance my house and live off credit cards here and there to make it. Things have been somewhat better this year and I think 75% of that is due to my not drinking. I've put more time/energy into my work, but I also noticed that my intuition/soul is open again to pick up new ideas and solve problems...... I'm also generally less stressed, so that probably also affects my work......
Anyhoo, just wanted to say hang in there and keep going! It gets better and better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I'm interested in you saying your family has noticed even though you haven't said anything. This is my experience too. I'm not quite ready to tell the kids, but I've done a couple of shocking things--like handing off the alcohol to the 23 year old (she's very responsible--has quite before me many a time) and not having wine at Easter dinner. They know. But they're giving me some space.
Tricky thing--my daughter is helping to host a wine auction for her daughter's school on Saturday night. Lots and lots of wine (obviously). I just cannot go. I think I'll give her $100.00 and tell her to buy me something pretty. That way I've made an appearance.
Congrats to you--especially on the long walks. Oh, and the BB on the telephone. Well. What will they think of next?
Tricky thing--my daughter is helping to host a wine auction for her daughter's school on Saturday night. Lots and lots of wine (obviously). I just cannot go. I think I'll give her $100.00 and tell her to buy me something pretty. That way I've made an appearance.
Congrats to you--especially on the long walks. Oh, and the BB on the telephone. Well. What will they think of next?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 64
Great stuff and engaged rings in my ears too. My wife and kids need me engaged and want me engaged...and the rewards are right there in front of me. I am just 4 weeks since my last and always confused when I relapse as to why I would love a bottle more than life and the living....
I am fortunate to work for what is now a stable company but its been years of layoffs and reductions....how I survived ...no clue as I would wander off for weeks of doign anything effective...when I am engaged my work is top notch ...when I make the wrong choices ...I am useless to everyone including myself.
Sounds like your finding some strength and my BB is always around , out in the open. My denial to my family is way over...my kids are 10 and fully aware I have an issue to the level they need to know. Pretending its not there never worked...and kids are observant. My speed dial and routes and meeting times at the ready....
Weird though I leave the BB about yet on a binge I am hiding bottles everywhere. So bizarre the whole deal is....but today feels good , tomorrow isn't here yet but my life lines are all around , iI just have to be humble and use them and overcoem my self ego and self will ideas.
I am fortunate to work for what is now a stable company but its been years of layoffs and reductions....how I survived ...no clue as I would wander off for weeks of doign anything effective...when I am engaged my work is top notch ...when I make the wrong choices ...I am useless to everyone including myself.
Sounds like your finding some strength and my BB is always around , out in the open. My denial to my family is way over...my kids are 10 and fully aware I have an issue to the level they need to know. Pretending its not there never worked...and kids are observant. My speed dial and routes and meeting times at the ready....
Weird though I leave the BB about yet on a binge I am hiding bottles everywhere. So bizarre the whole deal is....but today feels good , tomorrow isn't here yet but my life lines are all around , iI just have to be humble and use them and overcoem my self ego and self will ideas.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 91
I am back from my weekend away, just wanted to check in. Had a fantastic time with my two boys fishing. Although there were temptations, we were in the presence of drinkers, it was pretty easy to say no. I don't want to give up my days at this point. Besides it was fantastic being wide awake at 10 o'clock as opposed to half passed out. Slept fantastic, managed to lye in bed and listen to music for about an hour before going to sleep. Something i haven't done in years.
Thank you all for your nice comments. I truly appreciate them. The support of others is what makes this journey easier.
Thank you all for your nice comments. I truly appreciate them. The support of others is what makes this journey easier.
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Jimmy - So glad that your fishing trip went well 
Also happy to hear about the positive changes with your family, that has to be very rewarding
Our children are only children for so long and it is important to treasure every moment we can, they grow up so fast.
Congrats on your 8 days now, right? Keep up the great work and may you have many more happy, priceless moments with your family
-Jess
Also happy to hear about the positive changes with your family, that has to be very rewarding Our children are only children for so long and it is important to treasure every moment we can, they grow up so fast.
Congrats on your 8 days now, right? Keep up the great work and may you have many more happy, priceless moments with your family
-Jess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 91
Day 10!! The jig is up, my wife knows what i am up to and has been really fantastic about it. Still feeling very strong, amazing how quickly my brain has gone from slow and sloppy to quick and sharp.
I really owe a lot of thanks to this site. I have had a couple of times where my brain was planning my failure, but coming back here and reading posts has put me back on track.
I really owe a lot of thanks to this site. I have had a couple of times where my brain was planning my failure, but coming back here and reading posts has put me back on track.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 85
Sounds like you are doing great!!! It makes me happy to hear that you are spending time with your kids and that they are showing you their appreciation. For me, drinking was a way to get 'instant gratification'. But your post made me realized that spending time with my children is also a GREAT way to get 'instant gratification': often, they don't hide what they are feeling (as much as adults) and when I am spending time with them, they often really show they love it. Feels good to finally notice!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 91
Day 13... not as easy anymore. First 10 days passed quickly and i was strong. Not going to give up, but my old friend is missing me and making it known!! Just keeping up on my reading and keeping busy, worried that any idle time my mind will start messing with me.
Wishing everyone in SR land a fantastic dry weekend!
Wishing everyone in SR land a fantastic dry weekend!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
I definitely had a hard time from days 14 - 17. But it's gone now. Since two other quit buddies on here with the same days as me both struggled in that time frame, I think it's definitely a right of passage in your recovery. Stick with it, Jimmydean..it's definitely worth it. Doing GOOD!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 91
Day 20! Feeling excellent with the exception of day 13/14 this has gone really well. I contribute my success to SR and to the cool apps on my phone. The recovery app, bb and bible on my phone have gotten a pretty solid work out.
One of the biggest changes has been that i have started to focus on cleaning up other areas of my life. All things that i would cloud over by drinking and not thinking about. Have made some major adjustments and if i remain focused i can get everything cleaned up by the end of the year.
Big thanks again to all of you for your support.
One of the biggest changes has been that i have started to focus on cleaning up other areas of my life. All things that i would cloud over by drinking and not thinking about. Have made some major adjustments and if i remain focused i can get everything cleaned up by the end of the year.
Big thanks again to all of you for your support.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hey Jimmy - way to go on 20 days!!!
You made it through some tough days, and I'm so glad to hear things are more positive for you now. I think you're really smart to give yourself time to work on the other stuff....... the main thing is being good to yourself and learning a new way of living sober.
Excellent job!
You made it through some tough days, and I'm so glad to hear things are more positive for you now. I think you're really smart to give yourself time to work on the other stuff....... the main thing is being good to yourself and learning a new way of living sober.
Excellent job!
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