missym622

Hello, im new to this site. I am 43 and my mother is a major alcoholic. She is verbally abusive and so hard to deal with, i have severed ties with her for a while. Anyone in a similar situation?

StarCat

Missy, I am so glad you found us.
You are not alone.
This is not your fault.

While my mother is not an alcoholic, she is very abusive, especially verbally.
She is also extremely controlling, and will pull out all the stops - manipulation, guilt trips, yelling, pretending to be nice, pouting, shouting, crying, complaining about how difficult her life is, anything she can do to get her way.
Sometimes I don't think she even realizes she's doing it.

I did stop talking to my family, aside from an annual trip every year at Christmas time, because I could not stand the dysfunction.
I live two hours away from them, and she does not travel much, so I have been able to avoid her when I want to avoid her.
I have tried all sorts of things. I have gone through periods of time where they did not even know my phone number (because I changed the number).
They did not know the address to my current apartment until I had been living there more than six months.

I had no ally in my father. He was always very passive, and always telling us to listen to our mother, that she's right. Meanwhile our mother was telling us how terrible our father was, and how terrible we were as well. What a message to give a child!
And if I had a dollar - heck, a penny! - for all of her "I'm sorry, but..." claims of "apologies" I'd be a very wealthy woman.

I am trying to reconnect with my family a little right now, because I have two very young brothers - 10 and 12 - and the only way to stay in their lives right now is to go through my parents.
I try to limit my contact with my parents as much as possible, while still staying in my youngest brothers' lives. I am also doing my best to not get sucked into her drama when she tries to pull me in.
Let's hope it works. If not, I will have to cut all contact again, and that means no contact with my youngest brothers - but I can't save them if I lose myself in the process.


Have you tried attending Al-Anon?
They have a lot of tools there, to help you remain healthy in an unhealthy situation.
I started going because of an abusive alcoholic (now-ex) boyfriend, but I have discovered they have so many tools to help me with my family, as well.


Welcome to SR.
There are wonderful resources here, and lots of great people!
You're not alone.

barb dwyer

Hi missy and welcome to SR!


I hope you'll find the support you need here
and make friends who are the greatest around, really.

You're not alone.

It's tough any way we look at it
it's just so easier to look at it
knowing there's others
who know what we feel
and to see that they have gotten/are getting
through.

Welcome!