ringringrings

My boyfriend of over a year relapsed this week. He had been sober since September, and seemed to be doing really well....until suddenly he wasn't. His younger sister caught him drinking (although he denied it at the time) and came to me about it, because I've been worried about him the last few days due to an anxiety attack and secretive behaviour on his behalf.
I had a feeling he might have started drinking again, but of course I didn't want to confront him. Over the weekend he said he needed some space, so I left him to it and hoped he would come to his senses. I finally saw him a couple of hours ago and there was booze on his breath.
I'm at a loss as to what to do now! I've seen him relapse and pick himself up quickly before, but it feels like there's a wall between us this time, and he won't let anyone in. All his sister and I want is to see him safe and happy, but this has been a very difficult time for all of us, and we don't know how to proceed, or even if we should be doing anything.

jamaicamecrazy

So sorry that your suspicions were correct. Kudos to you for not wanting to confront him. There really is no point. Leave his recovery up to him. Now you must really consider what you are willing to accept in your life and in defining your boundaries. Keep the focus on you and what you want your life to be like.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

You have found a resource of support and information. Please make yourself at home by reading as posting as much as needed.

Some of our stories are posted in the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of the forum pages. I am always finding wisdom and inspiration in those posts.

When I first discovered SR, I learned about the three C's of my husbands alcoholism:

I did not Cause it
I could not Control it
I would not Cure it

That was a hard reality to accept and act upon. I wanted so much to see my loved one sober and in recovery. I was willing to try/say/do anything to make that happen. What eventually happened was I became a shell of myself as I gave all my attention to fixing the alcoholic.

Today, I am able to take better care of myself and allow the other adults in my life to make their own choices, make their own mistakes, and experience their own consequences from their choices. It doesn't mean I don't care, it means I have learned to detach with love.

Here is a link with steps that help me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

wanttobehealthy

It sucks when your suspicions are correct, doesn't it? I imagine he knows you know (despite your post title) but probably doesn't care and just hopes that no one will confront him.

When I've suspected my H has been drinking in the relatively recent past I just find somewhere else to be. The more I am around him or interact in any way with him when I am having that "gut" feeling that I know something is up, the more upset I feel. I find it much easier to stop thinking about / worrying about his behavior when I am not around him...

ringringrings

Thanks for all the support. It was not easy to let him deal with his problem on his own, but I'm glad that I did. He came to me today and apologized for his behaviour and acknowledged that he needed to make some changes. And over the weekend I have realized that I need to be able to take care of myself in these situations, instead of making myself miserable with worry and doubt.

Thanks again. It's such a relief to figure out that I'm not being just being selfish by giving myself some space during these times.