pocketpanda

an alcoholic and someone who just abuses alcohol?

I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I consider myself someone who abuses alcohol. I can and have stopped during a binge night, and other than some nasty hangovers, my withdrawal seems to be confined to the next the day (sometimes the hangovers are physical and sometimes hellishly psychological).

I don't get wild mood swings or have big personality changes when I drink (though when I'm PMSing I have gotten weepy and a couple times got pissy with my husband for small reasons). I've never done anything truly out of character or something I deeply regret when I drink (though I'm super careful to avoid being on Twitter or Facebook just in case).

I don't believe I'm physically addicted (yet), because I always feel great on day two. In fact, great enough to think whee hoo! I can do that drinky thing again tonight! And then I do.

I hope this isn't considered a medical question. So maybe instead of asking it in relation to the history I just posted, I'll just ask ...

What is the difference between an alcohol abuser and an alcoholic. Is there a difference at all?

Thanks in advance. Again, I'm so happy to have found these forums.

Reset

Don't take this the wrong way, but, does it matter?

If you think you're drinking too much and want to stop, then the nuance between abuser and alcoholic is kind of irrelevant.

pocketpanda

It matters if your rationalizing, I guess. Which I probably am.

JohnBarleycorn

In my experience, looking back before the "daily drinking" kicked in full swing, I used to do a lot of strained "3 days off" if I had something important to do, and then back to business as usual.

The progression of the addiction is insidious. For years I never got hangovers unless I really overdid it, and I thought I was OK because of that. Sure enough, though, around day 3 or 4 without, I would drink again.

Try going a week or two without drinking, instead of just a few days off. You may notice yourself subconsciously craving it within a week.

In the early stages of the progression, a lot of people do not suffer much noticeable physical withdrawal.

On the surface, this appears "good" but it can be deceptive, since it can be precisely because the body is adapting to the regular presence of alcohol that this is so.

For a very good, detailed description of the alcoholic progression, I recommend that you read "Under The Influence" by James R. Milam.

It should be available in most public libraries and book stores.

Humbled77

I'm not an expert on the intricacies of the terminology, but I can tell you that when I started to think I was an alcohol abuser, I was actually an alcoholic in retrospect. Unfortunately I don't think most people realize, or at least admit it to themselves, until well after the line has been crossed. It's good you are thinking about it. Don't try to convince yourself that you are one label or another, just look at your behavior, decide if it is truly acceptable and then take action. At least that is what I wish I would have done. Best of luck and be honest, that has been liberating for me.

opmloser

Hi PP-
The basic difference is that the person who is an alcoholic drinks the way they do because they absolutely cannot drink any other way. The saying goes "one is too many and a thousand is never enough" for the true alcoholic.
And again, it's a disease that is only curable thru complete abstinence for life.
The abuser is someone who sets out to get drunk, achieve the effect, and stop.
I do not know which category you'd put yourself into; I do know that in both cases, if there is utter remorse and disgust the next sober day, then it is time to stop altogether.
Bless you and best of luck.

Bikeguy

It's a slippery slope, tread carefully, I started out as a social drinker and soon enough became an alcoholic. If you are finding yourself blacking out and avoiding things because of alcohol I think the problem is apparent. Do yourself a favor and stop now and avoid the pain of dealing with it later.

opmloser

BG-You're terrif!
Back when I drank, I usually experienced blackouts. I remember the horrible guilt of waking (actually climbing out of unconsciousness) and wondering where I was/where's my car/whose clothes are these/wtf happened last night/on and on it went.

Dee74

I'm not sure it matters either Panda.

I should have stopped drinking when I was a binge drinker...I had more than enough reasons to stop...but I didn't - not until 20 years later - by which time I was an all day everyday drinker...with quite a few of those 'yets' crossed off...

D

FrothyJay

An alcoholic has lost power, choice and control. But this does not mean they are drinking 24/7. What it means is that when they start drinking, they can rarely predict how much they will drink (this is the physical allergy). Also, when they swear it off, they go back to it eventually (the mental obsession).

You may have some evidence about the physical part-- do you always drink more than you should? Do you take steps to make sure there is alcohol around?

The second part-- the swearing off-- is trickier. The best way to get a read on this is by quitting for a designated period of time-- I think a few months (if it's not a problem, the length shouldn't be a problem, should it?). But the ability to stick to that is key to avoiding the alcoholic label in my opinion.

Eddiebuckle

PP, it sounds that way to me. I spent a long time thinking that I was a "heavy drinker", "habitual drinker", etc. But NEVER the A-word. Until I found that I really couldn't not drink. As prev posts have said, it's a slippery, insidious slope, one you likely won't see until you're past the point of being able to do anything about it.

One things for sure, if you're on the slope and continue to drink, it'll become apparent soon enough. Let me tell you, it's not a fun experience. With any luck the only person you'll harm is yourself, but being married that's probably not going to be the case.

Zube

If you have to ask, chances are...

pocketpanda

Thank you all so much for the responses. I've only just started recognizing the problem and maybe I'm lucky enough to have stumbled in here before it got too bad. In the next day or so I plan to take the advice of quitting for a set amount of time. Two months seems scary, but maybe that's because the problem is worse than I imagine. The comment "if it's not a problem, the length shouldn't be a problem, should it?" resonated with me.

Two months it will be. Starting Sunday.

And thanks also for the tip on Under the Influence. Amazon Prime should have it at my door in plenty of time.

Thanks again, so much. I'm so happy I found this place.

Dee74

Sunday?
I don't mean to be rude panda, but why a week away?

why not start today?

D

pocketpanda

You're not being rude at all, Dee--it's a good question. I'm sure the answer is going to sound like a lot of rationalizing and it's probably going to be good for me see it writing, actually look at how stupid it sounds.

1. I feel like I don't have the tools yet in place.

1A. I need to have a conversation with my husband about his weed smoking. It's a big trigger and I feel guilty that I have to ask him to give up something just because I'm weak-willed and abuse alcohol right now. It's not a conversation I'm looking forward to.

1B. I need to gather some inspirational reading material. I'm picking up Under the Influence and re-reading The Art of Happiness. Because Alan Carr's book on stopping smoking worked so well for me, I'm considering his book on stopping drinking as well.

1C. I need to develop some relationships here. I'm too chicken-**** to go to AA right now but I'd love to make a couple sincere connections here in case I need them.

2. I have a poker night planned for Saturday. My regulars are not heavy drinkers, but there is always beer and wine. Because I do my heaviest drinking alone and never overdo it on nights when I have guests, I figured I'd enjoy a last glass of wine or beer before leaving it behind for 60 days.

Lame?

Bikeguy

I could always find a reason to drink, I was very good at that as I think every alcoholic is. I can't even tell you how many times I said "this will be my last day/night/weekend/holiday" you get the picture. I also don't think your decision to stop can be based on someone else, do this for YOURSELF, you are worth it and you CAN do it.

Dee74

no lamer than the rest of us LOL.

There is no good time to quit, Panda - ever.

I really like this quote tho - the best time to plant a tree is 30 years ago...the next best time is today.

I wasted a lot of todays - don't be like me

D

artsoul

Here's the "technical" answer (the one used by clinicians, doctors, etc.):

This may or may not be helpful...... My drinking never met either criteria COMPLETELY.... I had no legal problems, DUIs, or issues with relationships (which fall under alcohol abuse). On the other hand I had built up some tolerance and definitely had not been able to control my drinking, which falls under the alcoholism category...... so go figure......

Even though I knew I had to stop, I was pretty good at finding reasons I was still "OK." It took getting sober for several weeks to start to look objectively at the effects alcohol had on my life. I think you'll get some answers that way, too. Keep hanging in there!!!:ghug3

pocketpanda

I like that quote a lot too, Dee. It's great. Maybe one day when I really do get sober I'll add it as a sig. Right now it just doesn't feel like I belong enough here to do that.

Bikeguy, this is the first "last day" I've ever set for myself. Oh, I've sworn during nasty hangs that I'll never drink again, but I never really meant it. This time I do.

Thanks for the technical def, artsoul. I should have consulted the DSM-IV first. Lord knows I've self-diagnosed my anxiety disorder there.

I had the conversation with my husband about his weed smoking (over a bottle of wine). He's willing to stop for as long as I need him to to get over the worst of it. I'm extraordinarily lucky.

reggiewayne

I understand the difference to be the physical craving. By craving, I don't mean wanting to drink - that is the mental obsession. The craving is when you have the first drink, it demands a second, and on and on you go.

You want the 4th worse than the 3ed, the 8th worse than the 7th, etc... People that don't have our problem simply don't experience that.