Finding a sense of self
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 28
Finding a sense of self
I am just over a year sober and in the middle of doing Step 4 and feel so unsure of myself.
I drank for 15 years and mostly drank alone behind a closed door and trapped inside my own head. I feel I truly never had a chance to develop a sense of self away from the alcohol.
Step 4 is definately showing me how I need to let go of old ways of thinking and develop new healthier ways of thinking...it is the first time I have ever really looked at myself and am so grateful for the program...but right now it is so daunting to see the amount of work I need to do on myself.
A saying that I often hear is " you can not think yourself into a better way of living , you have to live your way into a better way of thinking."
This to me is a fantastic saying as it explains that it is a slow process learning to live sober. Overthinking it can cause more harm than good.
I was hoping to get some advice on what others have done apart from the steps to develop a sense of self in recovery.
I am feeling fearful about the amount of time it will take me to become comfortable within my own skin and feel confident within myself.
I drank for 15 years and mostly drank alone behind a closed door and trapped inside my own head. I feel I truly never had a chance to develop a sense of self away from the alcohol.
Step 4 is definately showing me how I need to let go of old ways of thinking and develop new healthier ways of thinking...it is the first time I have ever really looked at myself and am so grateful for the program...but right now it is so daunting to see the amount of work I need to do on myself.
A saying that I often hear is " you can not think yourself into a better way of living , you have to live your way into a better way of thinking."
This to me is a fantastic saying as it explains that it is a slow process learning to live sober. Overthinking it can cause more harm than good.
I was hoping to get some advice on what others have done apart from the steps to develop a sense of self in recovery.
I am feeling fearful about the amount of time it will take me to become comfortable within my own skin and feel confident within myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Honestly Jemma, as simple as this may sound just by virtue of living sober and learning how to experience life without drugs or alcohol I've been able to discover that which I really am not. So when I look at what's left I feel as though I'm able to finally get to know my real self. The steps were and are crucial in that process for me. I hope you find the same.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
I would recommend reading The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama...it answered a lot of my own questions in a similar vein to yours.
I think: "you can not think yourself into a better way of living, you have to live your way into a better way of thinking." is only partially correct. You must think before you act, and it's very circular. Positive thinking leads to positive action, and it continues round and round.
I think: "you can not think yourself into a better way of living, you have to live your way into a better way of thinking." is only partially correct. You must think before you act, and it's very circular. Positive thinking leads to positive action, and it continues round and round.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi Jemma,
I can totally relate to what you are saying about looking for your sense of self. When I stopped drinking, I had lost all sense of self and had low self-esteem. I really had to get to know myself and figure things out for me. I am not an AA person, but I found books that helped me a lot. "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav is a super book and it literally saved me. He guides you, with gentle words, on how to listen to your soul and to find your purpose in life.
I can totally relate to what you are saying about looking for your sense of self. When I stopped drinking, I had lost all sense of self and had low self-esteem. I really had to get to know myself and figure things out for me. I am not an AA person, but I found books that helped me a lot. "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav is a super book and it literally saved me. He guides you, with gentle words, on how to listen to your soul and to find your purpose in life.
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