Vacation and quitting
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Vacation and quitting
My first post here, thanks to all in advance.
So two years ago my drinking had gotten to an all time high and I was about to trash my marriage. Instead, I came clean to my husband and quit on a Monday. At first it was hard, mostly the social part of it, no more happy hours with my coworkers. But quickly I realized that I really didn't want to hang with them at the bar anyhow, and I began to re-live my life.
Things were wonderful for several months. My marriage got much stronger.
We made a pact that I'd quit until our vacation, 4 months away. When I went on vacation, I didn't have any urge to drink but did so anyhow - I guess I really thought I would just drink for that week and go back to sobriety. Wrong.
And so now here I am, back to my old ways. I do want to quit, but face the usual obstacles. Mostly though, is my upcoming vacay in Aug.
So do I try to quit now??? Do I wait until after my vacay?? Ugh. Seems so weird to be vacationing without alcohol. I don't think I've been sober (other than the one stint) in over 15 years. Sad but true.
So two years ago my drinking had gotten to an all time high and I was about to trash my marriage. Instead, I came clean to my husband and quit on a Monday. At first it was hard, mostly the social part of it, no more happy hours with my coworkers. But quickly I realized that I really didn't want to hang with them at the bar anyhow, and I began to re-live my life.
Things were wonderful for several months. My marriage got much stronger.
We made a pact that I'd quit until our vacation, 4 months away. When I went on vacation, I didn't have any urge to drink but did so anyhow - I guess I really thought I would just drink for that week and go back to sobriety. Wrong.
And so now here I am, back to my old ways. I do want to quit, but face the usual obstacles. Mostly though, is my upcoming vacay in Aug.
So do I try to quit now??? Do I wait until after my vacay?? Ugh. Seems so weird to be vacationing without alcohol. I don't think I've been sober (other than the one stint) in over 15 years. Sad but true.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
I found there was always a reason to put off quitting and finally one day I decided I had had enough....that was the best decision I have ever made. I hope you make that choice soon, good luck, you can do it!
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Chantilly, VA
Posts: 216
Hello Lost3K, Welcome! It has been _My_ experience, is that there's not very much "in between" for me. Like many, I have quit many times, sometimes for over a year, and without exception, _Every_ time I started up again (with the best of intentions and self-control), within a few weeks, I was back to previous drinking levels if not more so.
As the saying goes, "if not now, when?". I am a master of deluding myself, as are most substance abusers (and I do not mean that term in a derogatory way at all). Think about going on vacation and enjoying all the new sights and people and waking up _every_ morning in the arms of your husband and actually having a clear head and remembering everything you did the previous day and night, with energy to spare! I just came back from a 10 day cruise with my wife and non-drinking friends last week, with help here, I was several weeks clean and sober before we left. I can remember every single day and island! I could Not have done that if I was drinking almost daily like usual! Based on my recent vacation (first in 6 years), I would highly recommend getting the poison out of your system well before your vacation. I honestly believe you would have a far, Far, better time.
Just read here often and thank whatever God you believe in that you caught yourself _Before_ you lost your family, your house, got sentenced to jail time, etc... All of that will happen, the writing is on the wall :-( I wish you the best of luck and please read here and use the collective wisdom of everyone here... You do NOT have to hit rock bottom and lose everything before you decide to stop and that, sober, sane, living is preferable!
Take care!
...Mike
As the saying goes, "if not now, when?". I am a master of deluding myself, as are most substance abusers (and I do not mean that term in a derogatory way at all). Think about going on vacation and enjoying all the new sights and people and waking up _every_ morning in the arms of your husband and actually having a clear head and remembering everything you did the previous day and night, with energy to spare! I just came back from a 10 day cruise with my wife and non-drinking friends last week, with help here, I was several weeks clean and sober before we left. I can remember every single day and island! I could Not have done that if I was drinking almost daily like usual! Based on my recent vacation (first in 6 years), I would highly recommend getting the poison out of your system well before your vacation. I honestly believe you would have a far, Far, better time.
Just read here often and thank whatever God you believe in that you caught yourself _Before_ you lost your family, your house, got sentenced to jail time, etc... All of that will happen, the writing is on the wall :-( I wish you the best of luck and please read here and use the collective wisdom of everyone here... You do NOT have to hit rock bottom and lose everything before you decide to stop and that, sober, sane, living is preferable!
Take care!
...Mike
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Wow thanks everyone! I just came back from an AA mtg. Funny too, because it's the exact one I attended 2 yrs. ago - I just never went back. I think I really wasn't fully accepting that I am an alcoholic. I decided back then that I was just going to prove I wasn't a drunk by not drinking. And I had the deadline of my vacay, so maybe it was easier to just quit - I knew I could pick it back up on vacay!
Anyhow, I'm not a true believer (God thumper) but I do accept that I cannot control my drinking. I give up!
The last AA mtg. I went to was a bit of a shock for me and not comfortable whatsoever. I didn't relate to anyone. This time around, I did relate. There was a degreed professional in the group. That's me.
So far I've not been to jail, lost my husband, lost my job. And I know that will be the end result if I continue.
My gut is to not come clean to my husband, but I know that is just a form of turning away from him, not what I want. So tonight I'll tell him that I'm quitting. He fully supported me last time. He's not really a drinker, says he could go the rest of his life without another drink.
And I guess you are right, there's always a reason to not quit. I don't think I've had a vacation without drinking since I was a kid.
Anyhow, I'm not a true believer (God thumper) but I do accept that I cannot control my drinking. I give up!
The last AA mtg. I went to was a bit of a shock for me and not comfortable whatsoever. I didn't relate to anyone. This time around, I did relate. There was a degreed professional in the group. That's me.
So far I've not been to jail, lost my husband, lost my job. And I know that will be the end result if I continue.
My gut is to not come clean to my husband, but I know that is just a form of turning away from him, not what I want. So tonight I'll tell him that I'm quitting. He fully supported me last time. He's not really a drinker, says he could go the rest of his life without another drink.
And I guess you are right, there's always a reason to not quit. I don't think I've had a vacation without drinking since I was a kid.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Sounds familiar. When I quit at the beginning of the year, it was made easier by telling myself that I could drink again on my vacation if I wanted.
But I didn't really want to drink when the vacation came around. There were one or two tempting moments but overall the urge was fleeting (btw I logged on to SR at that time and it was helpful).
The best part though was that the vacation was awesome, one of the best ever in part because I was sober.
But I didn't really want to drink when the vacation came around. There were one or two tempting moments but overall the urge was fleeting (btw I logged on to SR at that time and it was helpful).
The best part though was that the vacation was awesome, one of the best ever in part because I was sober.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Reset: Thanks!!! I remember flying in, going thru customs, shuttling to the hotel, checking in, then going to the beach. It was awesome. Then, finally, at the end of the day, we went to a bar. I think I was actually avoiding going into a bar. I didn't know what to order. The bartender must have thought I was nuts. My husband ordered a beer, and a long time passed. Finally I ordered something and that was that. Drinking heavy for the entire vacay. I didn't think twice about it.
When we got back, I remember my husband saying to me, now don't go right back to where you were! But of course I did.
And now that I'm writing and thinking (probably bad in my case, I'm a big thinker), will I be bored going to a place where drinking seems to be the common thing? It isn't entirely. It's Playa del Carmen, Mexico. We usually do a lot of activities, day trips and stuff to ruins, other towns, etc.
When we got back, I remember my husband saying to me, now don't go right back to where you were! But of course I did.
And now that I'm writing and thinking (probably bad in my case, I'm a big thinker), will I be bored going to a place where drinking seems to be the common thing? It isn't entirely. It's Playa del Carmen, Mexico. We usually do a lot of activities, day trips and stuff to ruins, other towns, etc.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
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Also, Caroline Knapp's book is one of my favs. I relate to that on so many levels. I remember one part of the book, don't forget the three ____'s. Can't remember them all but the one I really remember, which I KNOW is my trigger, is getting too hungry.
It was something like don't ever let yourself get too ____. And there are 3 including hunger. Anyone?
It was something like don't ever let yourself get too ____. And there are 3 including hunger. Anyone?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
I was overseas too and it was sort of funny because my wife would order an alcoholic drink and the waiter would usually assume I wanted one too. It was strange for them to see the woman drinking but not the man.
We stayed at one place for a while and the waiter got to know us- he even asked me "don't you drink alcohol?" I told him that if I started, he'd be out of alcohol by morning.
Anyway, you can do it. It's really a lot easier than you think and it actually made my vacation a lot more enjoyable. One cool thing was that I wasn't always thinking about where I was going to get my next drink.
We stayed at one place for a while and the waiter got to know us- he even asked me "don't you drink alcohol?" I told him that if I started, he'd be out of alcohol by morning.
Anyway, you can do it. It's really a lot easier than you think and it actually made my vacation a lot more enjoyable. One cool thing was that I wasn't always thinking about where I was going to get my next drink.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 87
I love Playa, we stayed at Iberostar Quetzal and it is awesome and want to go back. Problem is last time I was there I drank like a fish and all I rememebr is one big blur. I mean the place is great but it is also all inclusive which means you can get hammered for free. I have decided next time we stay at a place you pay for drinks (not that i'm going to drink) just beacuse there will probably be more sober people to meet around, also going to do many more adventures to keep busy. Last time we just layed on the beach and drank, went site seeing and drank. I want to wake up to the sunrise next time and truly enjoy it. Take it in and remember it all! You can do it!
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Reset: That's funny. It's like when my husband orders a salad and I get a burger. The server is always confused. Like men can't order salads. You bring up a good point, not worrying about where to get the next drink. That and hiding how many drinks you have. Knapp talks a lot about how she tried to hide and how she really wasn't hiding, others already knew.
Anna: Thanks again. I think the hunger issue might actually be a physical reaction to wanting a drink. Our bodies have a way of memorizing our patterns. I think the alcohol and drinking actually laid a map in our brains, one that's hard to erase.
Hoping: We are staying right off of Quinta Avenida. It's our 2nd trip to the area. Those AI's would definitely have me bombed 24 hrs. a day!! Paying for drinks is sort of a deterrant, but not much, for me anyhow. Because you can actually get your booze MUCH cheaper when staying in town. The day trips help a lot. I loved doing those sober, I just always ended the day with a drink.
Anna: Thanks again. I think the hunger issue might actually be a physical reaction to wanting a drink. Our bodies have a way of memorizing our patterns. I think the alcohol and drinking actually laid a map in our brains, one that's hard to erase.
Hoping: We are staying right off of Quinta Avenida. It's our 2nd trip to the area. Those AI's would definitely have me bombed 24 hrs. a day!! Paying for drinks is sort of a deterrant, but not much, for me anyhow. Because you can actually get your booze MUCH cheaper when staying in town. The day trips help a lot. I loved doing those sober, I just always ended the day with a drink.
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I hate my short term memory. It's the real cause of my addiction. sort of. haha.
But really, sure this morning I was dragging, hard. But by 5pm... I'll be fine again! I keep referring to Knapp. She talks about how if when you drank you lost an arm, you wouldn't continue to do it night after night. But because your memory fades, you just keep on, not actually seeing the real damage you are doing.
How do you not forget???
But really, sure this morning I was dragging, hard. But by 5pm... I'll be fine again! I keep referring to Knapp. She talks about how if when you drank you lost an arm, you wouldn't continue to do it night after night. But because your memory fades, you just keep on, not actually seeing the real damage you are doing.
How do you not forget???
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So I tell my husband, I'm going to quit drinking again. He says really? What's up? I told him I've been drinking too much and feel like I'm right back where I started 2 yrs. ago. Poor guy has no idea. I hate myself for deceiving him and hate myself for being such a good liar.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
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Also welcome to SR.
I had selective amnesia daily for a long time about how miserable alcohol was. I finally got to the point where every drink was torture and I couldn't keep forcing myself to drink. When I finally quit I worked hard to keep the memory of the miserable alive. Every time a drinking thought popped up I refreshed my miserable button.
Don't know if that makes any sense
I had selective amnesia daily for a long time about how miserable alcohol was. I finally got to the point where every drink was torture and I couldn't keep forcing myself to drink. When I finally quit I worked hard to keep the memory of the miserable alive. Every time a drinking thought popped up I refreshed my miserable button.
Don't know if that makes any sense
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It does make sense LaFemme. I'll try. I remember that the last time I quit, if I wanted to drink, I'd follow that thought thru. Starting with the first drink and how that would inevitably end.
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