departure

I am hungover. I am hating myself right now. I have been visiting SR here and there but haven't posted in a while.

I did my little self-inventory of my drinking last weekend and I came to the conclusion that I knew I was abusing alcohol because of emotional distress. That since I recognized it, I could instead use my tools to deal with that instead of drinking. I decided that I wasn't an alcoholic, so why was I acting as if I were? I could control my drinking, I just chose not to.

Well, so what was my excuse for drinking all day and night yesterday then? I don't have one. Not a good one, anyway, I just wanted to. Well, it's time to face reality. I need to stop drinking. I'm going to a meeting today.

opmloser

Hi-
I'm new to the board and when I read your post, I just wanted to wish you well and tell you to RUN don't walk to the next meeting. AA worked for me many years ago. You may not want to hear this, but if you feel any remorse for drinking then you probably have a problem with drinking, plain and simple. I am sorry if that is offensive and I don't mean to be, I just know from experience - I am an alcoholic, through n through, and I absolutely cannot take a drink ever again. AA taught me many yrs ago to just take 24 hours at a time.
Again, I hope you make the meeting and I wish you all the best.

Missy7

Hi there. I remember you from a couple weeks ago. You were on the way up right? Well I relapsed this weekend too so we're in this together. I too am trying to get to a meeting today, though that will be difficult. I am, however, not drinking.

Hang in there. I think that once you realize all that negotiation about whether this or whether that, you are very adept to notice that you still don't have an excuse for the weekend. Then don't make one.

The remorse thing is really interesting. Can someone really develop that? Is it valid to say that feeling remorse is an absolute indication?

opmloser

Hi Missy-
I read your reply and wanted to also say hi (I just joined the board today). Regarding what I said about the remorse, I am definitely not an expert, but I am an alcoholic and throughout the entire AA books, they say that if you feel guilty about your drinking then the drinking may be a problem, not an absolute (no pun intended!). People who drink "normally" or socially will have a few and not think twice about it.
It's just an observation and I may be wrong. Good to meetcha!

totfit

I found all kinds of reasons I used to drink the way I did. I always figured as soon as that issue was gone, my drinking would be ok. I over-analyzed, over-stepped, and was over-thought and overwrought. Eventually, I found the only issue that was causing my over-drinking was the inability to do otherwise. Then, I found not drinking the only solution to over-drinking.

Surlyredhead

I know the feeling you are speaking of, that sick feeling I used to get knowing I just messed up. However, the most important thing you can do right now, is forgive yourself for being sick, and start over. You are not a bad person because you slipped, this is not easy in the beginning, but I promise, it will get easier with time

Just a side note...I LOVE the fact that there are newcomers banding together to help each other...that is what recovery is all about, knowing that there are others who feel just like we do. Knowing we are not alone in our struggles, and that we have someone to celebrate our achievements with who understands how important they are to us...it is a good thing!!!!

Cathy

ACT10Npack

Sorry to hear about your 24 hour drinking party. The hangover really sucks but after time that feeling will go away. Just take this as a learning experience and move on. You may stop for good or you may have more of them but your a live and little bit more wiser.

In 2 to 3 days you will feel better.

departure

Just back from the meeting. I am struggling to admit the truth of my problem with alcohol. Struggling to get out of my own way and let go. I don't feel well and it's not just the after-affects of yesterday's drinking. I don't think this feeling will go away until I can address that first step. It's a big one. Praying for courage.

opmloser

Hi Dep,

You know, my friend, I have one thing that my dad left me when he passed away back in 79...his Blue Book from the 60's when he was in AA...the very first step is getting to the meeting, like you did, and go back again and again. AA has been here since 1935 and it works. You might want to get a few phone numbers from other members (don't be shy about that, it's part of AA). You will probably want to binge again sometime in the future and when that thought occurs, reach for your phone, not the bottle.
So you drank yesterday, you feel like camel-dung right now, so what. Forget it and go forward. Be well.

Trying2doBetter

Welcome, departure.

Personally, I am a very " guilty" drinker. Even a glass of wine in the evening will sometimes leave me with an overwhelming feeling of guilt. However, I don't believe that my guilt stems from being an alcoholic. I have always been able to quit after a couple when I want to. I believe that my guilt stems from the fact that my father was an alcoholic and I have a pretty constant subliminal fear that I will end up putting my family through the torture that he put us through. So, after all of that rambling.....I guess that I don't really believe that all remorseful drinkers are necessarily alcoholics. Some just have demons.

Stay positive....this IS possible.

Missy7

I have heard the remorse thing before. And my husband and I are drinking buddies (or were) and if we go out and match one for one, or I drink beer to his Vodka, I feel like I've done something awful the next day and he doesn't. Because I'm a blackout drinker, I always have to ask him if I did anything wrong. I'm so scared I've done something awful--that's the guilt not experience.

Dee74

Like I said to someone else today Dep - I started drinking for a lot of underlying reasons...but I still became an alcoholic.

Accepting that took me a long time - I could rationalise for the Olympics - I didn't want to be an alcoholic, I didn't want to change my life...I didn't want to have to admit this thing had me beaten...I didn't want to be different...

but fighting it, denying it was killing me...agonisingly slowly.

The day I accept what I was and what I needed to do things got better. And then they got a lot better the more I started to work on things.

Being here at SR helped me face my problem every day - it's harder to deny it or downplay it when you read it in so many stories time and again. I know AA will help too.

I hope this time can be the last time for you Dep

Welcome back

D

Zebra1275

departure,

Glad you made it to a meeting. I don't know if it was your first one but I would recommend going to a few different meetings. Different groups have different members and styles. I have a few favorites that I try to never miss.

artsoul

Hi departure - I agree with much of what's already been said. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't have an internal battle with it, don't have to attempt to moderate their drinking, and aren't afraid to face the future without it.

A lot of us here were in the earlier or moderate stages of alcoholism when we decided to stop drinking. Like Dee said, when you relate to a lot of similar stories (and can see where you're headed in others), it helps reduce some of that denial.

Glad you're here!

EmeraldRose

Listen to your gut. That's why you aren't feeling well...you aren't paying attention!! When ever I go against the grain and feel imbalanced I don't feel good. When I listen to myself, admit my faults, etc...things go much more smoothly.

It could take awhile....hope not but this is a good place to start. Glad to hear you went to a meeting.