Hoping Confessing is Good
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Hoping Confessing is Good
First, do me a favor--don't feel sorry for me.
I'm sorry this has happened, but I don't feel one bit sorry for myself--and no one else should. I'm kinda hard on myself. That's the only reason I have achieved any of the things I have in my life, and it's probably the reason I have such a drinking problem. I'm driven, demanding, and very OCD. It works most of the time.
Which is why Friday, when one of the committees I'm on held a meeting at a brewery I was proud that I had managed not to have a beer. Most people did and I got it line meaning to get a beer but then I realized the college was paying for soda and not beer. I'm never shy of buying a beer, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back into my seat in the crowded room if I didn't hurry so I escaped with a diet pepsi.
So of course I deserved wine with dinner later with Phil. Game on. 13 days down the drain. Two weekends were not quite possible.
Three bars ensued. Made it home, felt like crap Saturday. Lost the first beautiful day we have had in the northwest this spring. Didn't ride the horse. Didn't do yard work. Didn't finish the quilt. Had to drink some beers to keep moving. One good thing, the whole time I knew I had to come back to SR and face this. And I knew I would. I knew I had hit a speed bump, but I also knew it was just a speed bump and I would be back.
Today we did Easter at the house. I was still a little sick and Phil (my hero) made most of dinner. No wine. My 23 year old mentioned that it was surprising that there was no beer in the house. I told her she could go get some. She didn't. I had recently been given some basic wine glasses and she has her own apartment--I wrapped them up and gave them to her with the leftovers. I still haven't said I'm trying to stop.
This, I am certain, was the first alcohol free family dinner we've had in five years. No one was put out. No one even mentioned it. AND we had plenty of stressful extended family stuff to talk about. I'm absolutely blessed with a beautiful family. In fact, the oldest kids stayed a little later than usual--my son in law has probably thought I drink too much and I really think he was supporting my new, crisper conversation.
Ultimately, though I could not avoid admitting this to you guys. First, you are the ones who understand how this happens. Also, I have so respected your help during what I will call round one. Now I'm on round two. Today is 2.1. I hope you will still be here for me. Without you guys I would not have had round one and I wouldn't be trying for round 2.
Can you give me some basic pointers on meetings? If I find one I can make, do I just walk in? Will I have to sign in? Will I have to talk? What happens?
Thanks guys. I hope you're all doing better than me.
I'm sorry this has happened, but I don't feel one bit sorry for myself--and no one else should. I'm kinda hard on myself. That's the only reason I have achieved any of the things I have in my life, and it's probably the reason I have such a drinking problem. I'm driven, demanding, and very OCD. It works most of the time.
Which is why Friday, when one of the committees I'm on held a meeting at a brewery I was proud that I had managed not to have a beer. Most people did and I got it line meaning to get a beer but then I realized the college was paying for soda and not beer. I'm never shy of buying a beer, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back into my seat in the crowded room if I didn't hurry so I escaped with a diet pepsi.
So of course I deserved wine with dinner later with Phil. Game on. 13 days down the drain. Two weekends were not quite possible.
Three bars ensued. Made it home, felt like crap Saturday. Lost the first beautiful day we have had in the northwest this spring. Didn't ride the horse. Didn't do yard work. Didn't finish the quilt. Had to drink some beers to keep moving. One good thing, the whole time I knew I had to come back to SR and face this. And I knew I would. I knew I had hit a speed bump, but I also knew it was just a speed bump and I would be back.
Today we did Easter at the house. I was still a little sick and Phil (my hero) made most of dinner. No wine. My 23 year old mentioned that it was surprising that there was no beer in the house. I told her she could go get some. She didn't. I had recently been given some basic wine glasses and she has her own apartment--I wrapped them up and gave them to her with the leftovers. I still haven't said I'm trying to stop.
This, I am certain, was the first alcohol free family dinner we've had in five years. No one was put out. No one even mentioned it. AND we had plenty of stressful extended family stuff to talk about. I'm absolutely blessed with a beautiful family. In fact, the oldest kids stayed a little later than usual--my son in law has probably thought I drink too much and I really think he was supporting my new, crisper conversation.
Ultimately, though I could not avoid admitting this to you guys. First, you are the ones who understand how this happens. Also, I have so respected your help during what I will call round one. Now I'm on round two. Today is 2.1. I hope you will still be here for me. Without you guys I would not have had round one and I wouldn't be trying for round 2.
Can you give me some basic pointers on meetings? If I find one I can make, do I just walk in? Will I have to sign in? Will I have to talk? What happens?
Thanks guys. I hope you're all doing better than me.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Wow, sorry about that Missy.
Basic pointers...find one and go!
You don't have to say anything you don't want to. When they get to you say "I'm Missy and I pass". Meaning, they skip over you.
I hope you find the strength to go. And so glad you had a nice Easter.
Basic pointers...find one and go!
You don't have to say anything you don't want to. When they get to you say "I'm Missy and I pass". Meaning, they skip over you.
I hope you find the strength to go. And so glad you had a nice Easter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I tried hard - oh so hard- not to change my life, just stop drinking.
It didn't work out like that for me - and it took me another couple of years to accept that I would need to change a lot about my life if I wanted to stay sober.
I was very very scared about change - real permanent change - but it turned out much better than ok....I'm glad things worked out like they did.
I'm sure you will be too
D
It didn't work out like that for me - and it took me another couple of years to accept that I would need to change a lot about my life if I wanted to stay sober.
I was very very scared about change - real permanent change - but it turned out much better than ok....I'm glad things worked out like they did.
I'm sure you will be too
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I know my life will have to change, but you're right, I'm not exactly thrilled about it. Our days revolve around a circle that usually includes bars. I know why this is. I am afraid to stop. I'm terrified of empty time. That may not make sense, but I think it's the behavior problem. One night last week when I know I was at risk of heading for our primary bar I happened to be working on some needlework (a gift so it was important) and I managed to stay home to finish it. I think I can't get bored...
Thanks for taking the time Dee.
Thanks for taking the time Dee.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
It is scary! I know one thing for sure, I made a bigger deal out some stuff than I needed to. After I had a month or so clean I could better identify when I would begin to blow things out of proportion.
I was petrified to go into my first meeting too! I walked in....and a nice young lady hugged me and welcomed me in.
I listened and paid attention to identify people who seemed to have recovery.
Let us know how it goes.
Peace,
Missy
I was petrified to go into my first meeting too! I walked in....and a nice young lady hugged me and welcomed me in.
I listened and paid attention to identify people who seemed to have recovery.
Let us know how it goes.
Peace,
Missy
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
First of all you are moving in the right direction: and life really becomes incredible without the booze.
But, you are right in that it will be uncomfortable at the start: you are moving into new territory and that is always a little scary.
You have a horse: there is a girl in my Monday meeting with a horse: she said the same thing. When she was drinking, no riding the horse.
Anyway, here are a few tips about meetings:
You can check on the internet if the meetings are open or closed. Closed means alcoholics only. Open meetings can be attended by anyone: family, friends, or people who just want to check out AA and see what they think.
Where I am, in Sweden, everyone introduces themselves by first name only and that is followed by "I am an alcoholic".
For newcomers uttering that phrase is sometimes hard to do. I didn't have a problem with it because I knew I was an alcoholic for years before I stepped through the doors of AA. Saying I was an alcoholic actually felt pretty good.
Most meetings are 45 minutes, then a break, then another 45 minutes.
The protocol in meetings is this: first the meeting leader provides information about AA and how it works. Then there is chosen literature that is read for that meeting, it is a variety of readings, from the "big book", (the blue book called "Alcoholics Anonymous"), Living Sober, Daily Reflections, etc, etc.
Every person is encouraged to say something either about the reading or about how their day is going, or something they want to share about recovery in general.
Everyone is given 5 minutes to share and they are not interrupted nor is anyone allowed to question what they have to say.
This is actually one of the things I find so wonderful about AA. People share very personal things about their lives and everyone respectfully listens and thanks them for sharing.
You would have to look far and wide to find such a wonderful resource.
If I am having a really bad day and feel like screaming, I know I can find a meeting somewhere and talk about it, and people will thank me for talking about it.
As a newcomer, people may give you their phone numbers, this is also a tradition. And the idea is that you can call them anytime of day, whenever. And, they mean it. They might say something like: "If you want to have a drink, call me instead".
As a newcomer you may also be encouraged to find a sponsor and people may at some point in the meeting raise their hand and indicate they are willing to be a sponsor.
If you attend your first meeting they may change the meeting format to step one. That depends on if the meeting is a relatively small group or a large one. I attend both large and small groups and in some meetings there are newcomers at every meeting, in other meetings the newcomers are not so frequent.
Anyway, welcome to SR! Glad you joined us....
But, you are right in that it will be uncomfortable at the start: you are moving into new territory and that is always a little scary.
You have a horse: there is a girl in my Monday meeting with a horse: she said the same thing. When she was drinking, no riding the horse.
Anyway, here are a few tips about meetings:
You can check on the internet if the meetings are open or closed. Closed means alcoholics only. Open meetings can be attended by anyone: family, friends, or people who just want to check out AA and see what they think.
Where I am, in Sweden, everyone introduces themselves by first name only and that is followed by "I am an alcoholic".
For newcomers uttering that phrase is sometimes hard to do. I didn't have a problem with it because I knew I was an alcoholic for years before I stepped through the doors of AA. Saying I was an alcoholic actually felt pretty good.
Most meetings are 45 minutes, then a break, then another 45 minutes.
The protocol in meetings is this: first the meeting leader provides information about AA and how it works. Then there is chosen literature that is read for that meeting, it is a variety of readings, from the "big book", (the blue book called "Alcoholics Anonymous"), Living Sober, Daily Reflections, etc, etc.
Every person is encouraged to say something either about the reading or about how their day is going, or something they want to share about recovery in general.
Everyone is given 5 minutes to share and they are not interrupted nor is anyone allowed to question what they have to say.
This is actually one of the things I find so wonderful about AA. People share very personal things about their lives and everyone respectfully listens and thanks them for sharing.
You would have to look far and wide to find such a wonderful resource.
If I am having a really bad day and feel like screaming, I know I can find a meeting somewhere and talk about it, and people will thank me for talking about it.
As a newcomer, people may give you their phone numbers, this is also a tradition. And the idea is that you can call them anytime of day, whenever. And, they mean it. They might say something like: "If you want to have a drink, call me instead".
As a newcomer you may also be encouraged to find a sponsor and people may at some point in the meeting raise their hand and indicate they are willing to be a sponsor.
If you attend your first meeting they may change the meeting format to step one. That depends on if the meeting is a relatively small group or a large one. I attend both large and small groups and in some meetings there are newcomers at every meeting, in other meetings the newcomers are not so frequent.
Anyway, welcome to SR! Glad you joined us....
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Missy have you accepted that you're an alcoholic? It's very tough (impossible?) to get lasting change without that realization. It took me years, literally years. That doesn't mean it takes everyone years though.
Be careful of thinking you can step in and out of recovery. A lot of us have been there, too (I did it for 6 mos). Everyone is welcome here, drunk or sober. Heart in recovery or not. I'm just saying that for your own peace of mind know that it's damn near impossible IME to gain any good ground in changing your life when 'slips' become part of your deal.
13 days was an awesome run and I know you can do it again. Welcome back
One other thing: I think you need to be honest with your husband. I held off on that for the longest time because honestly I didn't want to be accountable to anyone IRL. But if he knows you're an alcoholic I'm hoping he won't be as happy to drive you around to bars, etc. I have a sense that your relationship with him and your relationship with alcohol are complicated and intertwined.
Be careful of thinking you can step in and out of recovery.
One good thing, the whole time I knew I had to come back to SR and face this. And I knew I would. I knew I had hit a speed bump, but I also knew it was just a speed bump and I would be back.
13 days was an awesome run and I know you can do it again. Welcome back
One other thing: I think you need to be honest with your husband. I held off on that for the longest time because honestly I didn't want to be accountable to anyone IRL. But if he knows you're an alcoholic I'm hoping he won't be as happy to drive you around to bars, etc. I have a sense that your relationship with him and your relationship with alcohol are complicated and intertwined.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
You didnt lose the 13 days. Im sure you learned alot during those days. You mentioned being worried about "empty time" I thought the same. For years alcohol was my entertainment. Ive spent many days curled up in bed sick because i over-did it the night before. THAT IS EMPTY TIME. Try a meeting and I strongly advise you to see a councelor one on one. One on one therapy has really turned things around for me.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Re empty time - in my first few months of sobriety I went to meetings and I laid on my sofa and watched all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, followed by all 5 seasons of Angel. That was all I did. I was bored to tears. I had no idea how to have a social life that didn't revolve around alcohol, or what to do in the evenings now that I didn't drink and take pills till I passed out.
Fortunately that passed and now I have plenty to do to occupy my time, even though I still like to lie on my sofa and watch episodes of TV shows lol. I have taken up some crafts to keep my hands and mind busy too.
Fortunately that passed and now I have plenty to do to occupy my time, even though I still like to lie on my sofa and watch episodes of TV shows lol. I have taken up some crafts to keep my hands and mind busy too.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
Ok, you messed up, now get up, brush yourself off and get back at the task at hand, you can do this! Empty time was hard for me too, I'm learning to fill it with lots of different things as I'm sure you will to it just takes some time to adjust.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Hi Missy..I have to go to work. I am glad you are back! I have to stick to my original thought..with me...I HAD to quit going to bars..clubs..parties..anything alcohol related activities early on. I think you have quite a struggle because so much revolves around alcohol. You need support. I support you! Get back on that horse!! Gotta jet...
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I am gonna say something, I am not trying to be mean... but you really didn't have 13 days of sobriety to lose.... you had thirteen days where you didn't drink... and that's something, absolutely... a beginning, perhaps.... or at least a higher level of understanding, an appreciation of the cunning, powerful and baffling nature of alcoholism... And I see that you do.
Awesome that you are interested in attending an AA meeting. That is a program that works for nearly everyone who is willing to recover using the program of AA.
My only advice is to remember that AA is a program, it's in the big book.... get one!... The meetings are the fellowship of AA, not the program, important absolutely... but get the book, start reading, find someone to work with you as soon as you can. Go to a lot of meetings, find one that you like, where you can find people to support your journey, and inspire you... there is a meeting out there for you!
Then you can begin to recover. That's something to hang on to, something you won't want to lose... something that allows you to get through business meetings at brew pubs without a serious thought or care...
Awesome that you are interested in attending an AA meeting. That is a program that works for nearly everyone who is willing to recover using the program of AA.
My only advice is to remember that AA is a program, it's in the big book.... get one!... The meetings are the fellowship of AA, not the program, important absolutely... but get the book, start reading, find someone to work with you as soon as you can. Go to a lot of meetings, find one that you like, where you can find people to support your journey, and inspire you... there is a meeting out there for you!
Then you can begin to recover. That's something to hang on to, something you won't want to lose... something that allows you to get through business meetings at brew pubs without a serious thought or care...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Missy and congrats on coming right back here...a lot of people have a hard time doing that
I don't know anything about AA but I do know about the initial boredom...but that is because by the time I quit there was nothing but alcohol in my life and I had to relearn everything. If I were you I would spend time with the horse...there is nothing as good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse....I would do almost anything to have a horse again.
But, back to boredom....trust me it will pass, but it might take a few months to adjust.
Xo, LaFemme
I don't know anything about AA but I do know about the initial boredom...but that is because by the time I quit there was nothing but alcohol in my life and I had to relearn everything. If I were you I would spend time with the horse...there is nothing as good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse....I would do almost anything to have a horse again.
But, back to boredom....trust me it will pass, but it might take a few months to adjust.
Xo, LaFemme
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Thanks all. Very important ideas. La Femme, you are right about the horse. I keep him, at great expense, because when I do spend time with him it changes me. My blood pressure drops, my priorities change, and so much more. I'm a very nervous planner type of person and I am hyper cautious the whole time I'm on the ground working with the horse and prepping--but once aboard--I'm twelve. I'm not afraid. It's weird.
Anyway, thank you to littlefish for the careful description of the meetings. I'm looking for one for this afternoon or tomorrow morning.
SSIL75, I didn't see that as one of many stupid stunts, I don't think this is temporary or partial in essence. Not to say I can do it. But I know it's all or nothing by definition--that's why I mentioned the wine. Wine is a gateway drug.
Mark 75--I don't know when one reaches sobriety, but I know I felt much of what I want during those 13 days. I was calm, able to handle my intense schedule with aplomb, I smiled and laughed differently. I may not have reached it but I could see it from there.
So it's Day 2 Round 2. Thanks guys. I hope not to be a pain. I hope to get to where I can contribute. I never had any intention of going to meetings, but there's a good chance I will.
And yes, alcohol and my relationship are intertwined. Phil says he will quit--and he will--but he'll be a martyr. Probably not the best of ideas.
Thank you for the support. It's harder to get than you think. And can I say something about that? Support and pity are closely intertwined--which is why I don't involve my family. Pity will push me in a completely different direction. You guys understand support, but I don't think most people do.
Anyway, thank you to littlefish for the careful description of the meetings. I'm looking for one for this afternoon or tomorrow morning.
SSIL75, I didn't see that as one of many stupid stunts, I don't think this is temporary or partial in essence. Not to say I can do it. But I know it's all or nothing by definition--that's why I mentioned the wine. Wine is a gateway drug.
Mark 75--I don't know when one reaches sobriety, but I know I felt much of what I want during those 13 days. I was calm, able to handle my intense schedule with aplomb, I smiled and laughed differently. I may not have reached it but I could see it from there.
So it's Day 2 Round 2. Thanks guys. I hope not to be a pain. I hope to get to where I can contribute. I never had any intention of going to meetings, but there's a good chance I will.
And yes, alcohol and my relationship are intertwined. Phil says he will quit--and he will--but he'll be a martyr. Probably not the best of ideas.
Thank you for the support. It's harder to get than you think. And can I say something about that? Support and pity are closely intertwined--which is why I don't involve my family. Pity will push me in a completely different direction. You guys understand support, but I don't think most people do.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by Mark75 
Good, so the 13 days weren't really lost, you see what you want... now go get it!!! My wife still has her nightly wine spritzer... not an issue anymore!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,461
Missy, I relapsed early on when I went to a neighborhood party and managed to not drink that night (though I was angry). But, the next day it caught up with me and I was at the wine store bright and early. I knew then that I had to make a decision to stay away from alcohol.
I love what you said about spending time with your horse. Use that and expand on it as much as possible. My pets give me so much pleasure and keep me grounded.
I don't go to AA meetings, but I do work on recovery every day. As you said, SR is a place where people understand, so keep reading and learning.
I love what you said about spending time with your horse. Use that and expand on it as much as possible. My pets give me so much pleasure and keep me grounded.
I don't go to AA meetings, but I do work on recovery every day. As you said, SR is a place where people understand, so keep reading and learning.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Anna--maybe I need a small army of Siamese cats too! They're beautiful. Are they yours? And I think our relapses are very similar. i had managed to pass in a couple of alcohol situations, but the meeting felt like A. a victory and B. an imposition.
I think that's what did it. I will reallyneed another Friday night decompressor. Really, really, really. My job has me wound up M-F then I go off.
I think that's what did it. I will reallyneed another Friday night decompressor. Really, really, really. My job has me wound up M-F then I go off.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I live with a drinker who is normal. He can open a wine bottle and drink one glass and leave it for the next three weeks.
He has got to be kidding, right????!!!!!!
A wine bottle left un-drunk? Impossible for this drunk. Most wine bottles were glugg-glugg-glugged in about half an hour.
Nope it has not been easy living with a weekend drinker. But this program is mine.
One day at a time. My morning prayer and meditation. And the constant reminder: this is my life.
He has got to be kidding, right????!!!!!!
A wine bottle left un-drunk? Impossible for this drunk. Most wine bottles were glugg-glugg-glugged in about half an hour.
Nope it has not been easy living with a weekend drinker. But this program is mine.
One day at a time. My morning prayer and meditation. And the constant reminder: this is my life.
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