Should I drink?
angry potato
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 77
Should I drink?
Simple, really.
I'm 27 years old, acoa.
I never drank because of the pain and hurt other people's careless drinking habits caused me as a child. I was also scared that if I drank I would be like them and be unable to control my drinking and my life.
I've just learned how to detach from my parents' issues and at the same time have had my first real desire to try alcohol as a social drink.
At the moment, abstaining is a big issue. People are always pointing it out, asking me about it, I am left out of certain social situations where champagne is being sipped as a celebration, from relaxing over dinner with a glass of wine...
Basically, I feel like alcohol is controlling me even though I don't touch the stuff. It's everywhere and I can't ever escape the fact that I don't drink. I think that if I begin to drink alcohol and am able to drink it responsibly then it would be a huge burden lifted from my shoulders.
Can anyone help with advice? I feel like I have more alcohol issues than an alcoholic!
Thanks,
Bravery.
I'm 27 years old, acoa.
I never drank because of the pain and hurt other people's careless drinking habits caused me as a child. I was also scared that if I drank I would be like them and be unable to control my drinking and my life.
I've just learned how to detach from my parents' issues and at the same time have had my first real desire to try alcohol as a social drink.
At the moment, abstaining is a big issue. People are always pointing it out, asking me about it, I am left out of certain social situations where champagne is being sipped as a celebration, from relaxing over dinner with a glass of wine...
Basically, I feel like alcohol is controlling me even though I don't touch the stuff. It's everywhere and I can't ever escape the fact that I don't drink. I think that if I begin to drink alcohol and am able to drink it responsibly then it would be a huge burden lifted from my shoulders.
Can anyone help with advice? I feel like I have more alcohol issues than an alcoholic!
Thanks,
Bravery.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Why does it bother you what other people think about you not drinking? Lots of people don't drink. It shouldn't be that big a deal to anyone. A simple "No thanks, I don't drink" is all that is needed. If they pursue the issue, just repeat, No thanks, I don't drink. If that isn't enough, then maybe you should reconsider whether these are people you should hang with.
angry potato
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 77
Hi Suki,
I should probably point out that I live in Ireland. Everything that happens here is connected to drink. There is not an occasion outside of work where drink is not involved to some extent. Most people's lives revolve around situations where drinking happens.
Up until very recently I haven't had any problem with what other people think about me being teetotal. Since I've learned to detach however, the scary face that I had put on alcohol has dimmed somewhat and I now feel like I am depriving myself unnecessarily of something that I may enjoy and which would help me fit into those social occasions which can be very hard work at times.
I should probably point out that I live in Ireland. Everything that happens here is connected to drink. There is not an occasion outside of work where drink is not involved to some extent. Most people's lives revolve around situations where drinking happens.
Up until very recently I haven't had any problem with what other people think about me being teetotal. Since I've learned to detach however, the scary face that I had put on alcohol has dimmed somewhat and I now feel like I am depriving myself unnecessarily of something that I may enjoy and which would help me fit into those social occasions which can be very hard work at times.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Well, you're going to do whatever you ultimately want to do, but it sounds to me like you are talking yourself into drinking. Since you have a family history of alcoholism, there is a chance that you would be more susceptible to it than someone who does not have that history. The only way to be absolutely sure you are not an alcoholic would be not to drink. However, if you want to drink then nothing I or anyone here can say will stop you. I strongly suggest that you continue to abstain, but since you are an adult and drinking is legal, it's totally up to you.
P.S. to add: Since this is an alcoholism recovery board, I don't think you are going to find many people here who will encourage you to drink. Almost all of us have had nothing but misery when it comes to alcohol, so maybe you should take that into consideration when you ask us such a question.
P.S. to add: Since this is an alcoholism recovery board, I don't think you are going to find many people here who will encourage you to drink. Almost all of us have had nothing but misery when it comes to alcohol, so maybe you should take that into consideration when you ask us such a question.
angry potato
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 77
Thanks for your reply. I know that ultimately, the decision is mine but I'm concerned that my mind is so fogged from the experiences I've had that I could be doing something so obviously stupid that I cannot see it. On the other hand, my mind is so fogged that stopping myself from drinking at all could be just as stupid.
I guess there is no surefire way of finding out without taking a huge risk.
I guess there is no surefire way of finding out without taking a huge risk.
angry potato
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 77
I guess it boils down to the feeling that somebody else is controlling my drinking behaviour, ie abstinence. With detachment I've learned to take control of my life but this is the one thing that's not mine. I allowed my parents' behaviour to make this decision for me and now I want the power to make that decision myself.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
With all due respect, there is nothing stupid about not drinking. What is so great about alcohol anyway? You have seen what it can do to people. Not meaning to sound rude, but...what makes you think you are so special that alcohol will not ruin your life, just as it has the lives of many others? These are all questions I ask only because I have been where you are and made the absolute WRONG decision, and almost ruined my life. Why would anyone, especially someone with knowledge about what alcoholism is and what it can do, knowingly walk into that with their eyes open? That's all I have to say on the matter. I'll back out and let someone else give you their opinions, but again, this being an alcoholism recovery board, I don't think you'll get the answer it sounds like you are wanting. Good luck to you!
angry potato
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 77
I posted this in here because I thought there might be other ACOAs who experienced this and I'd love to know why ACOAs drink or don't drink and how they feel it affects them as an adult.
I know exactly what alcohol can do but I know that alcohol is not always the problem, it's the addict. As an adult I have surrounded myself with people who either don't drink at all or who drink alcohol extremely responsibly, know their limits and it doesn't have any negative effect on others in their company. There is the risk that I may not be able to do that but there is the chance also that I could. I feel that would release me from the last link of the chain that holds me back from being in control of my own life.
I'm not looking for somebody to tell me what to do, despite the thread title. I'm looking for other experiences to see if what I'm feeling is unusual, normal, or just a trap that the codie in me has set for myself.
I know exactly what alcohol can do but I know that alcohol is not always the problem, it's the addict. As an adult I have surrounded myself with people who either don't drink at all or who drink alcohol extremely responsibly, know their limits and it doesn't have any negative effect on others in their company. There is the risk that I may not be able to do that but there is the chance also that I could. I feel that would release me from the last link of the chain that holds me back from being in control of my own life.
I'm not looking for somebody to tell me what to do, despite the thread title. I'm looking for other experiences to see if what I'm feeling is unusual, normal, or just a trap that the codie in me has set for myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
First off, Im not a drinker...
I dont mind a strawberry margarita once in awhile, as long as I cant taste the alcohol.
I just dont care for the tast of alcohol, not even beer.
I have been called the prude of the party, by my alcoholic husband only!
All of the other people at the party, welcome me back.
Over the years people at parties have asked me "How much have you had to drink?"
I tell them.."Aaa like 6 bottles of water..why?"
I chose to have fun & cut loose & enjoy life that God has given to me.
They are amazed...
By the end of the night, people will say,
"Dang, I wish I could have fun, like you, but no I have to have alcohol in me
to cut loose like that"
I sit back and think to myself...Isnt that sad, What a waste of life...
I always tell my friends and others;
What are 10 good things that come from drinking...
......1 - You got to whoop it up good on the dance floor
A. Bad hang over the next day
......2 - You finally got to relax for the night
A. Then you got a DUI or killed someone
......3 - It made your friends & co workers feel more comfortable around you
A. Will they be there to bail you out of jail or drive you to rehab
Think about it...10 reasons, without any type of repercussions
From financial, emotional, physical, spiritual..
Can you really list ONE?
So for me, drinking is nothing I desire. I have seen & felt the pain and dont
care to walk there...
I am comfortable in my own skin & dont need to mask who I really am...
I can be wild & crazy from being "JUST HIGH ON LIFE"
I dont mind a strawberry margarita once in awhile, as long as I cant taste the alcohol.
I just dont care for the tast of alcohol, not even beer.
I have been called the prude of the party, by my alcoholic husband only!
All of the other people at the party, welcome me back.
Over the years people at parties have asked me "How much have you had to drink?"
I tell them.."Aaa like 6 bottles of water..why?"
I chose to have fun & cut loose & enjoy life that God has given to me.
They are amazed...
By the end of the night, people will say,
"Dang, I wish I could have fun, like you, but no I have to have alcohol in me
to cut loose like that"
I sit back and think to myself...Isnt that sad, What a waste of life...
I always tell my friends and others;
What are 10 good things that come from drinking...
......1 - You got to whoop it up good on the dance floor
A. Bad hang over the next day
......2 - You finally got to relax for the night
A. Then you got a DUI or killed someone
......3 - It made your friends & co workers feel more comfortable around you
A. Will they be there to bail you out of jail or drive you to rehab
Think about it...10 reasons, without any type of repercussions
From financial, emotional, physical, spiritual..
Can you really list ONE?
So for me, drinking is nothing I desire. I have seen & felt the pain and dont
care to walk there...
I am comfortable in my own skin & dont need to mask who I really am...
I can be wild & crazy from being "JUST HIGH ON LIFE"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi Bravery,
I will delve right in.
3 brothers. Alcoholic father and uncles. Big, bad, brawling men, and they all died young of alcohol related illnesses. Their dad died when the oldest was 11.
They all took "the pledge" to avoid this happening to them.
One broke out when he was in late thirties. Had a young family and had run into some hard life events such as the death of a child and the house burning down, (he started the fire). He never drank in public, as he was conscious of his "image", and he proceeded to become a rip roaring alcoholic.He was a mean sad and violent drunk. He stopped drinking about 20 yrs ago. He was 60ish.
He was burning his stuff in a bonfire (pyromaniac?) with the sheriff and police looking on and a shotgun pointed at them (there to repossess his business and family home).
He was talked down by the doctor and his daughter. He stopped cold-turkey and never drank again. He begged not to be sent to a psych ward and rehab as this was his bottom. He was bankrupt and hadn't a pot to pi$$ in ,nor a window to throw it out of. But, he and his wife are in more comfort now than when they had money.
Unfortunately, his family had grown up in the crazy house and were damaged. They all were nervous of drink and were late starters. 2 have been to AA and the others (3) did not become alcoholic. All struggle with their childhood.
The sober uncles have 6 children each. One family (both parents pioneers), no alcoholics.
Other family, All drink. One alcoholic still active. 2 married to alcoholics.
I am an alcoholic, sober for 6mths. I have been in AA and heard of people who, like you abstained until very late and then nosedived rapidly to alcoholism. Some recover, others do not.
You are at the age now, where your friends will start branching off and slowing down. You might have missed the opportunity to drink "normally".
My father was the brother who drank.
You say you are as controlled by alcohol as an alcoholic.
Why? You seem a bit obsessed. Am I making sense? Do you really want to try this?
Maybe you should check out an open AA meeting. You may have the "isms" just waiting for you to ice the cake.
I will delve right in.
3 brothers. Alcoholic father and uncles. Big, bad, brawling men, and they all died young of alcohol related illnesses. Their dad died when the oldest was 11.
They all took "the pledge" to avoid this happening to them.
One broke out when he was in late thirties. Had a young family and had run into some hard life events such as the death of a child and the house burning down, (he started the fire). He never drank in public, as he was conscious of his "image", and he proceeded to become a rip roaring alcoholic.He was a mean sad and violent drunk. He stopped drinking about 20 yrs ago. He was 60ish.
He was burning his stuff in a bonfire (pyromaniac?) with the sheriff and police looking on and a shotgun pointed at them (there to repossess his business and family home).
He was talked down by the doctor and his daughter. He stopped cold-turkey and never drank again. He begged not to be sent to a psych ward and rehab as this was his bottom. He was bankrupt and hadn't a pot to pi$$ in ,nor a window to throw it out of. But, he and his wife are in more comfort now than when they had money.
Unfortunately, his family had grown up in the crazy house and were damaged. They all were nervous of drink and were late starters. 2 have been to AA and the others (3) did not become alcoholic. All struggle with their childhood.
The sober uncles have 6 children each. One family (both parents pioneers), no alcoholics.
Other family, All drink. One alcoholic still active. 2 married to alcoholics.
I am an alcoholic, sober for 6mths. I have been in AA and heard of people who, like you abstained until very late and then nosedived rapidly to alcoholism. Some recover, others do not.
You are at the age now, where your friends will start branching off and slowing down. You might have missed the opportunity to drink "normally".
My father was the brother who drank.
You say you are as controlled by alcohol as an alcoholic.
Why? You seem a bit obsessed. Am I making sense? Do you really want to try this?
Maybe you should check out an open AA meeting. You may have the "isms" just waiting for you to ice the cake.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Hello Bravery:
Thank you for posting your question.
Just had to share my experience. I'm an ACA and I drink alcohol socially. I think to drink or not to drink is an issue that many people raised by alcoholics face. I'm in my late 40s and am pretty sure that I'm not an alcoholic. When I think about my youth and the amount of alcohol we used to consume I sometimes I feel like I played Russian Roulette with my life.
I did however smoke for over twenty years. I quit fifteen years ago and KNOW that I can absolutely NEVER pick up another cigarette unless I want to become a smoker again.
The most I have is one glass of wine with dinner or at a party. I don't enjoy socializing with people who drink in excess. I do have a couple of friends who are recovering alcoholics and I chose not to drink around them.
My husband is also an ACA and we have two young children. I often wonder what I'm going to tell them. Should I tell them to avoid alcohol completely because they might not be as "lucky" as their father and I were? I have no answers.
Congratulations on working on your recovery so early. I didn't start to face my own issues until I was well into my 30s.
Thank you for letting me share.
Warm Regards,
db
Thank you for posting your question.
Just had to share my experience. I'm an ACA and I drink alcohol socially. I think to drink or not to drink is an issue that many people raised by alcoholics face. I'm in my late 40s and am pretty sure that I'm not an alcoholic. When I think about my youth and the amount of alcohol we used to consume I sometimes I feel like I played Russian Roulette with my life.
I did however smoke for over twenty years. I quit fifteen years ago and KNOW that I can absolutely NEVER pick up another cigarette unless I want to become a smoker again.
The most I have is one glass of wine with dinner or at a party. I don't enjoy socializing with people who drink in excess. I do have a couple of friends who are recovering alcoholics and I chose not to drink around them.
My husband is also an ACA and we have two young children. I often wonder what I'm going to tell them. Should I tell them to avoid alcohol completely because they might not be as "lucky" as their father and I were? I have no answers.
Congratulations on working on your recovery so early. I didn't start to face my own issues until I was well into my 30s.
Thank you for letting me share.
Warm Regards,
db
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
When someone offers me alcohol, I just smile and say, "No thanks. Gave it up -- long story."
No one has ever asked about the "long story," and I'm glad they're not interested. But that ends any awkwardness every time, and I get out of having a drink!
T
No one has ever asked about the "long story," and I'm glad they're not interested. But that ends any awkwardness every time, and I get out of having a drink!
T
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
Bravery I had the same quandry with myself when I started realizing how much achohol had affected my life. And to be honest I felt exactly as you do, that by intentionally not drinking out of fear was allowing them to control me in a different way. I got mostly the same responses you have. For myself I did have a history of drinking responsibly so I felt very comfortable that I had not inherited the gene. Those speaking are not out of line to say that that is a very real fear. My oldest brother doesn't drink due to that fear. As long as he doesn't see it a hinderance, his lack of drinking isn't a negative as far as I'm concerned. I enjoy a beer here and there and so does my other brother, however it's because we enjoy it. Not because we are proving anything, or trying to fit in. Questioning whether to drink or not is I believe a perfectly normal moment when dealing with the alcoholism in your life whether its your own or not. Only question why you want to drink as our parents found out much to our dismay, alcohol will not solve anything, it will not suddenly open up rainbows and butterflies, but yes some drinks taste good. Your choice is your own, I chose to still drink responsibly, because that's what i wanted and what worked for me. All I offer in advice is please identify whether you are doing this due to a sense of intrigue or because of peer pressure, rebellion, or in search of comfort.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
First off, I'm going to start not by giving advice, but by telling you that YOU made a GREAT decision to not drink. I wasn't as clear-sighted as you are. I started drinking socially when I was younger. It got the better of me. It took a while for me to realize it, and then I stopped drinking. Then I moved, fell in with people who all drank, and had to stop drinking all over again. I wish I had been able to see what you are seeing without having to go through that process of quitting, twice.
Now I'm going to change the question slightly: You watch someone get out of a car and slam their fingers in the door. You know they hurt themselves. You know what they did that caused them to hurt themselves. Are you very careful not to repeat their mistake? And if you are more careful about how you close car doors, does that mean that you're letting them control your behavior, or does it mean that you have learned by observation that slamming one's hand in a car door is something to be avoided. It doesn't mean you never ever ride in a car again, it means you're careful in how you close the door.
You can continue to associate with people who drink, and you can decide that it is YOUR decision to not drink. That you watched other people get hurt, and you don't want to follow that path knowing it only leads to destruction. But you can own that decision as YOURS, not theirs. I own my decision to not drink as being mine. I didn't want to go down that path, the path only led to ruin. I drive by homeless drunks and think "There but for my own decision and perseverance go I."
As a younger person, I used to offer to be the designated driver or the designated "sober" to make sure everyone got home safely. My friends LOVED me for this. They could get as hammered as they wanted (and as sick the next day) and not worry about how they were going to make it home.
If you own your decision to not drink, then you will find that you're perfectly okay with not drinking. If you continue to think that the decision is being imposed on you, then you will continue to have conflict over it. As for what your friends say, you can tell them the real truth, or you can say you just don't like it, or you can say you're taking medication that you can't mix with alcohol, or you can say it's none of their business, or you can simply say "I just don't drink" and leave it at that.
Are you missing out? Well, you can get a similar effect by drinking a bunch of caffeine and eating a ton of sugar. Have your good time that evening. The next morning, get up and take syrup of ipecac. Spend the day vomiting and feeling like you were hit by a truck. All without alcohol. It's not much different really.
Now I'm going to change the question slightly: You watch someone get out of a car and slam their fingers in the door. You know they hurt themselves. You know what they did that caused them to hurt themselves. Are you very careful not to repeat their mistake? And if you are more careful about how you close car doors, does that mean that you're letting them control your behavior, or does it mean that you have learned by observation that slamming one's hand in a car door is something to be avoided. It doesn't mean you never ever ride in a car again, it means you're careful in how you close the door.
You can continue to associate with people who drink, and you can decide that it is YOUR decision to not drink. That you watched other people get hurt, and you don't want to follow that path knowing it only leads to destruction. But you can own that decision as YOURS, not theirs. I own my decision to not drink as being mine. I didn't want to go down that path, the path only led to ruin. I drive by homeless drunks and think "There but for my own decision and perseverance go I."
As a younger person, I used to offer to be the designated driver or the designated "sober" to make sure everyone got home safely. My friends LOVED me for this. They could get as hammered as they wanted (and as sick the next day) and not worry about how they were going to make it home.
If you own your decision to not drink, then you will find that you're perfectly okay with not drinking. If you continue to think that the decision is being imposed on you, then you will continue to have conflict over it. As for what your friends say, you can tell them the real truth, or you can say you just don't like it, or you can say you're taking medication that you can't mix with alcohol, or you can say it's none of their business, or you can simply say "I just don't drink" and leave it at that.
Are you missing out? Well, you can get a similar effect by drinking a bunch of caffeine and eating a ton of sugar. Have your good time that evening. The next morning, get up and take syrup of ipecac. Spend the day vomiting and feeling like you were hit by a truck. All without alcohol. It's not much different really.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Hi Im Sharon and I am an Alcoholic and also ACOA.
Some 20 yrs sober i choose to avoid situations, people,
places and things that would disturb my sobriety. My
husband and I enjoy each others company and the simple
things in life that we both enjoy.
Because my sobriety is that important to me I dettached
from family members pretty much completely because
their inviroment is toxic to me and my life. Plain and simple.
My spouse and I have a love for riding our beautiful Harley
Road King made safe and secure for us to enjoy. We would
rather ride in the wind on winding roads, along the levee or
any place away from traffic or crowds. We enjoy eating out
or sitting in our backyard watching the many doves and birds
fly in and out to feed.
Avoiding situations that disturb our serenity keeps us strong
in our recovery. Plain and simple.
Some 20 yrs sober i choose to avoid situations, people,
places and things that would disturb my sobriety. My
husband and I enjoy each others company and the simple
things in life that we both enjoy.
Because my sobriety is that important to me I dettached
from family members pretty much completely because
their inviroment is toxic to me and my life. Plain and simple.
My spouse and I have a love for riding our beautiful Harley
Road King made safe and secure for us to enjoy. We would
rather ride in the wind on winding roads, along the levee or
any place away from traffic or crowds. We enjoy eating out
or sitting in our backyard watching the many doves and birds
fly in and out to feed.
Avoiding situations that disturb our serenity keeps us strong
in our recovery. Plain and simple.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 21
Bravery, I sort of understand where you're coming from. I've never had any desire to drink because of the experiences I've had with my mother who is an alcoholic. The thought of drinking disgusts me because it reminds me of her. Even fi I were to drink and not get drunk, I'd still feel that I was being her (and I want to be the complete opposite).
I'm 23, so most of the people my age that I know drink. Most of them don't even drink in a social way as much of them drink in that stupid college idea of drinking to get drunk for a fun time. I'm not tempted to drink at all and I don't think I'll ever have the desire, but that doesn't stop how annoying and uncomfortable I sometimes feel around other people. They all think I'm so strange because I'm 23 and don't drink and have never been drunk. They want to know why. I don't want to tell them why, I just don't want to! I don't really have many friends and I definitely don't really go out with anyone because alcohol is always involved. I'm just not comfortable around it and around people who are drinking because it makes me want to puke. In that sense, maybe it does have some rule over my life, but it's not something that bothers me.
I don't think it's a good idea to drink just because you feel uncomfortable in social situations with other people who are drinking. To me, it sounds like that could dangersouly turn into one of those situations where you always feel like you have to drink when you go out and to have a good time. It doesn't sit well with me.
Also, I don't think it's a good idea to drink because you think a burden will be lifted from your shoulders. Even drinking casually just to prove to yourself that being acoa doesn't rule your life doesn't seem like a good enough reason to start.
I think if you start drinking alcohol every now and then, it should only be because you genuinely want to drink it, completely removed from everything else. If you want to have a glass of wine with dinner, I think that's fine. What I don't think is fine is feeling like you should have a glass of wine with dinner because everyone else is and it's awkward and uncomfortable being the only one to not drink.
Personally, I think people who abstain are so much stronger than those who feel any need to drink that nasty stuff!
I'm 23, so most of the people my age that I know drink. Most of them don't even drink in a social way as much of them drink in that stupid college idea of drinking to get drunk for a fun time. I'm not tempted to drink at all and I don't think I'll ever have the desire, but that doesn't stop how annoying and uncomfortable I sometimes feel around other people. They all think I'm so strange because I'm 23 and don't drink and have never been drunk. They want to know why. I don't want to tell them why, I just don't want to! I don't really have many friends and I definitely don't really go out with anyone because alcohol is always involved. I'm just not comfortable around it and around people who are drinking because it makes me want to puke. In that sense, maybe it does have some rule over my life, but it's not something that bothers me.
I don't think it's a good idea to drink just because you feel uncomfortable in social situations with other people who are drinking. To me, it sounds like that could dangersouly turn into one of those situations where you always feel like you have to drink when you go out and to have a good time. It doesn't sit well with me.
Also, I don't think it's a good idea to drink because you think a burden will be lifted from your shoulders. Even drinking casually just to prove to yourself that being acoa doesn't rule your life doesn't seem like a good enough reason to start.
I think if you start drinking alcohol every now and then, it should only be because you genuinely want to drink it, completely removed from everything else. If you want to have a glass of wine with dinner, I think that's fine. What I don't think is fine is feeling like you should have a glass of wine with dinner because everyone else is and it's awkward and uncomfortable being the only one to not drink.
Personally, I think people who abstain are so much stronger than those who feel any need to drink that nasty stuff!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
It has been my experience that people can "use" a lot of things to escape the pain of growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home - alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, becoming co-dependent on others, ...
I have met people who don't drink because they don't want to become like their parents, but they end up with there own flavor of dysfunction because they never deal with their past. I believe you need to look at what caused you to numb out in the first place to truly heal.
You can be just as emotionally sick as an alcoholic without ever touching a drop of alcohol.
I think people in recovery are strong.
db
I have met people who don't drink because they don't want to become like their parents, but they end up with there own flavor of dysfunction because they never deal with their past. I believe you need to look at what caused you to numb out in the first place to truly heal.
You can be just as emotionally sick as an alcoholic without ever touching a drop of alcohol.
I think people in recovery are strong.
db
Clever Yak
Join Date: Jan 2009
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Posts: 4,360
I'm 20 years old, I don't drink and I'm around the "college scene" where EVERYONE on the planet, it seems, drinks. I abstain, people ask me about it, I say I've had bad experiences with it and they usually leave it alone. They can pressure me all they want, but who cares? I know what's right for me, so I'm doing what I choose, and if they have a problem with it, then they really aren't worth my time. My friends don't pressure me anymore, I can still "party" and have a lot of fun without it, and I believe they can see that. Don't drink, it's not worth it, especially if alcoholism or any sort of addiction runs in the family. I actually have some friends who commend me for it (though I doubt they really mean it, seems kinda fake to me when they say "Boy, I wish I was like you and never started in the first place" Uhm, no, I think you're lying because if you wished you were like me you would have stopped by now, but I appreciate the effort of sincereity buddy is what I'm thinking, but I take with a smile and nod anyway).
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
I have to admit that I kind of see this in another way. And I don't mean this with disrespect, but to help YOU see it in another way--your families dysfunction isn't what's controlling you not to drink. YOU made that choice all on your own. Own up to that and let it be okay that you don't. I experimented a bit in college. Got drunk a few times. Didn't like how it made me feel. I used to drink on occasion, but the older I get, the more the feel of alcohol in my body is something I just don't like (it stimulates the bladder and too much of that I get bladder infections). So I don't drink because I don't WANT to drink. But I've never really wanted to drink. Yeah, I don't drink because of my past, but also because I simply not to. You have to draw that distinction for yourself. Your past isn't controlling you, you're allowing it to do so, when really YOU hold the power in this situation. Instead of telling yourself, "this is controlling me", turn that around and simply say, "I choose not to do this." Period. People ask why? Empower yourself and tell them. Is it embarrassing? Yes, but it's also freeing. Break the cycle of secrecy and just say it. It's not YOUR embarrassment anyway. It's your family's.
for whatever that's worth.
for whatever that's worth.
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