littlegirllost7

Hello,

I am new here and really don't know where to begin. I was raised in a house with a 'functioning alcoholic' father. He never abused us or anything like that. But there were times we knew (and still do) what to say or not say around him. He drank and still does daily. I have other sisters and the few of us who do drink, it's considered 'funny' how we took after dad. I seem to be the only one with a major problem with alcohol though. When I drink too much, I become mean and say dreadful things that I don't really feel that same about sober. I have been a closet daily alcoholic for the past 10 years. I hide it from my fiance who lives with me. I have a secret cupboard where I hide my beer or wine and sneak drinks all evening until he goes to bed then I drink way too much at that point. I have, however, recently have gone two weeks without a drop then I can't take it anymore and binge for a few weeks. I am working from home right now so it is much easier to get a way with it. But, even when I had a full time job, I still drank nightly. I am so tired of the sneaking around and hangovers and disgust with myself. Why can't I be normal? What is the reason I do this to myself? I have been working hard to exercise pretty much every day and what do I do? Sabotage it. I don't know why I am doing this to myself. I just needed to vent. Thank you.

newwings

Welcome! It's only day 4 for me, but already SR has given me so much support. They are all so supportive and kind on here, you've come to the right place.

Good luck.

littlegirllost7

Thank you for responding! It is so comforting to know there are people here like me and not judgmental.

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR, LGL. This place has been a huge source of support for me. I know exactly what you mean: I managed to hide it pretty well, but all the sneaking and scheming on top of drinking itself... it was exhausting beyond words. It's so nice to not have to lead a double life like that anymore.

littlegirllost7

You know. Today my fiance and I went to an outdoor bar earlier this evening and there was a family there with their little girl. She was maybe 9 or 10 years old. I watched her as she stared at their drinks on the table and tried so hard to get their attention as they were having fun and not really minding her much. I said to my finance that I hope she turns out Ok because I can see already that she is fascinated by what's going on. I think I was that girl growing up. Thought that was the only way people had fun.

artsoul

Welcome littlegirllost - you're definitely not alone..... I hid my drinking, too, and broke many promises to myself to stop drinking. I finally admitted that alcohol had a grip on me I couldn't control, and needed help to get off the vicious merry-go-round.

Since then, I've gotten daily support here and have found that sobriety is the only way for me. Glad you're here! :ghug3

bronte

Welcome littlegirllost...and huge hugs! I am new too and have found amazing support here. Go gently

Dee74

hi littlegirllost

You'll find a lot of support and ideas here
This place really turned my life around

Welcome!
D

nancyj

Oh my... seems you're telling my story. In my fam, people drink responsibly. Socially. Matter-of-factly.

I can't.

They don't understand... but it's not really about THEM understanding...

It's about me.

This is a healing forum... glad you found it

ItWillBeWorthIt

Welcome littlelostgirl... so glad you found SR, it is a wonderful support forum, with very kind, caring individuals that do understand and don't judge. Stick around and keep coming back -- it does work.

One of the biggest things I have used in my recovery is to identify why I drank... there was a void in my life, something I was missing... and there were many stressful things going on, that I could have done something about and I didn't. The only thing I did was drink and that really made things worse.

SO, I am addressing all of those things and working each and everyday to fix my world. Some of the stuff is just little changes, some larger changes, but it does work. I always so little steps.

You see, I believe that recovery is just not picking up, but finding out why you did and what can we do so it doesn't happen again.

Come up with a plan that will work for you... there are many support groups, counselors, SR, AA, etc.

I wish you the very best... my experience is that sobriety is wonderful, but it does take work... and acceptance that you have no control over alcohol.

Sending hugs!

Bikeguy

Welcome to SR, this place has been a true blessing for me, I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

SomethingBetter

welcome lttlegirlsober, i am a father of 3 daughters 21, 19 and 15 (almost 16).

i only wonder what damage i have caused to their future lives.

welcome to the forum, i hope you stick around, there is a lot of hope here.

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you've decided that you had enough and I know you will find lots of support here.

BakoGal

littlegirllost,

Thank you for your post. I Ican definitely relate. I also grew up watching my parents drink, so thought that was how adults had fun. I used to drink my Shirley Temple while they had margaritas so the habit was formed at an early age although I wasn't technically drinking alcohol.

I just joined this website and am very new to this, but have found it very useful in the short time I have been on here. Reading stories similar to mine helps me realize I am not alone and I am hoping to gain strength from the others' success stories. Best of luck to you!

SomethingBetter

opps, just a quick post to say the littlegirlsober in my post above was a typo should have been littlegirllost, i just seen it and cant edit, im sorry.

MsCooterBrown

Welcome LittleLostSoberGirl (just to make SomethingBetter feel better about his typo)..Glad you are here! All the posters are saying what I was thinking so I will just welcome you! Hope to hear from you again..