found out about al-anon and AH freaked out
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 14
found out about al-anon and AH freaked out
i honestly didnt know this was a possiblity. he found out and freaked out and i mean went ballistic. saying i was being brain washed by church rejects. that i" going to meet a "counselor" and f**k him and he will be an aex-addic tand steal my house and my money. and i will be sorry. that after 15 years of being together im choosing them over him. i tried to say i have been to on emeeting and decided to break way before i went to any meetings. he even threatened suicide last night. he was saying the most bizarre things ever. has anyone else ever encountered extreme psychosis like that after AH found about about al-anon
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
No.
But I know others have.
And his reaction IS very extreme.
Man, he is really threatened because of his own fear of all that stuff.
Please don't let him stop you from going.
I know he is abusive.
But, this reaction to you seeking SUPPORT is really backing up the fact that you really need it!
Please be safe!
But I know others have.
And his reaction IS very extreme.
Man, he is really threatened because of his own fear of all that stuff.
Please don't let him stop you from going.
I know he is abusive.
But, this reaction to you seeking SUPPORT is really backing up the fact that you really need it!
Please be safe!
Of course, you are breaking away, changing his world.
If he threatens suicide again, call 911. If it is real, they can and will take him to psych ward. If it is a ploy, which it usually is, he won't try that one again.
He went ballistic because he feels 'threatened' and he feels 'fear.' You are doing something for YOU and he is 'losing control.' He knows deep down that when you said AlAnon and a Therapist, his goose was cooked. His drinking buds have already talked about what has happened to them when the wife or significant other started doing things for themselves.
It's not as extreme as you think. In his mind, AlAnon is a 'cult' and all they do is talk about the A. He has no clue that the A is rarely talked about, that we talk about how we can change our 'actions and reactions' to the A. And a therapist or counselor that specializes in Addiction. Oh boy, especially if the therapist or counselor is also in recovery ............................ you will learn the truth about addiction and his covers will really be pulled.
He won't be able to manipulate you anymore and 'con' you and 'control' you in his way. You are messing with his 'reality.' Not the real reality but 'his reality' and will see how warped he is.
You go girl!!! Keep doing what you are doing for YOU. IF he starts this again, and he probably will, some stock 'brief' answers' can be:
"hmmmm"
"we'll see"
"thank you for your opinion"
"I'll have to think about that."
And go on with what you are doing. Unless he is a violent alcoholic, then it is time to take that 'bag' that I hope you have packed, and get out until he sobers up a bit. Only you know if he is all bluster or not.
Keep yourself SAFE is the number 1 Rule.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
If he threatens suicide again, call 911. If it is real, they can and will take him to psych ward. If it is a ploy, which it usually is, he won't try that one again.
He went ballistic because he feels 'threatened' and he feels 'fear.' You are doing something for YOU and he is 'losing control.' He knows deep down that when you said AlAnon and a Therapist, his goose was cooked. His drinking buds have already talked about what has happened to them when the wife or significant other started doing things for themselves.
It's not as extreme as you think. In his mind, AlAnon is a 'cult' and all they do is talk about the A. He has no clue that the A is rarely talked about, that we talk about how we can change our 'actions and reactions' to the A. And a therapist or counselor that specializes in Addiction. Oh boy, especially if the therapist or counselor is also in recovery ............................ you will learn the truth about addiction and his covers will really be pulled.
He won't be able to manipulate you anymore and 'con' you and 'control' you in his way. You are messing with his 'reality.' Not the real reality but 'his reality' and will see how warped he is.
You go girl!!! Keep doing what you are doing for YOU. IF he starts this again, and he probably will, some stock 'brief' answers' can be:
"hmmmm"
"we'll see"
"thank you for your opinion"
"I'll have to think about that."
And go on with what you are doing. Unless he is a violent alcoholic, then it is time to take that 'bag' that I hope you have packed, and get out until he sobers up a bit. Only you know if he is all bluster or not.
Keep yourself SAFE is the number 1 Rule.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
I know from your previous posts that your husband can be violent so, Please be sure to get yourself and your kids safe and free from this volatile environment. It sounds to me as if you upped the anti on him and he's lashing out from fear. You need to take care of you and those kids and get the help and support you deserve. Keep posting, when you can, and we will do our best to help. hugs
Wow, I'm an alcoholic and that's waaay out there. Lauries advice is excellent - above all else, keep yourself safe. I would advocate getting out under the circumstances. But clearly he's threatened by this, and if he chooses to think about it at all, he may see that he's close to the "jumping off point" mentioned in the big book. You don't need to have read the big book, but you know it when you get there - you have two options: drink or lose whatever it is that you value as much as drinking.
Where this is risky is that he has rationalized this as your action (Alanon) not his drinking that's at fault. And he may never change that view - nobody but himself can get him to see that. Regardless, do what is right for YOU. Be safe, be (or get) sane, and do not let his behavior imprison you in his personal patch of hell that he has chosen.
Where this is risky is that he has rationalized this as your action (Alanon) not his drinking that's at fault. And he may never change that view - nobody but himself can get him to see that. Regardless, do what is right for YOU. Be safe, be (or get) sane, and do not let his behavior imprison you in his personal patch of hell that he has chosen.
Of course he freaked out..you are taking action and trying to take care of yourself..the jig may be up and he doesn't want that.Be safe, keep going and reaching out for help.My daughter now says that alanon was the best thikng that ever happened to our family..and she is the A!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 115
Years ago when I first started going to Al-anon, and before my husband entered rehab. He told me that al-anon was a "cult" and that they were brain washing me. It was just him "quacking" because he didn't like that I was getting support.
Also, when my husband is active, as he is now, he trys to cut off all my support because that way he can control me more. Do what's best for you. Al-anon has saved my sanity.
Also, when my husband is active, as he is now, he trys to cut off all my support because that way he can control me more. Do what's best for you. Al-anon has saved my sanity.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 14
thanks.......in no way will this deter me from going. the scariest part is after 15 years of being together i could tell he was dead sober when he was saying these things. the scariest part for me is something someone mentioned in a previos post--- a drunk horse thief that stops drinking is still a horse thief. what if its not the alcohol that makes him jealous paranoid violent and psychotic???then there is no hope for us as a family unit. that amkes me really sad
Unfortunately, sometimes alcohol takes the blame for things that it really doesn't cause. In my opinion, drinking won't make a person into an abuser unless that is already somewhere in their makeup. Many men drink, even to excess, and never once abuse their wives. Yes, it is scary. Please take care of yourself.
Unfortunately, sometimes alcohol takes the blame for things that it really doesn't cause. In my opinion, drinking won't make a person into an abuser unless that is already somewhere in their makeup. Many men drink, even to excess, and never once abuse their wives. Yes, it is scary. Please take care of yourself.
My ABF sadly is an alcoholic, but there isn't an ounce of abusiveness toward me at all. However, the disease is still a big strain on our relationship, and me.
Mine was extremely threatened by me going, I didn't tell him for awhile, it came out when I found out about the DUI and tried to kick him out. And he brings it up every time he rants at me.
Once I move into town I'll be going again, with working evenings and gas prices, I just can't swing the one afternoon meeting I can get too.
Once I move into town I'll be going again, with working evenings and gas prices, I just can't swing the one afternoon meeting I can get too.
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