want2besober

Hello! I have just decided to commit to sobriety and to be honest I am absolutely terrified of what I am about to go through. I have been taking Oxycodone and Hydrocodone (various strenghts) for the good part of two years. I started using pain meds after I was diagnosed with four herniated disc and spinal stenosis about two years ago caused by a series of car accidents and the fact that I was run over by my neighbor while I was walking my dog. Ever since then my appetite for pain meds has become nearly insaciable. At first, I just used them to keep my chronic pain in check and I'll admit that the meds worked wonders for me. I was able to perform my daily activities without worrying about being in excrutiating pain. I was taking the meds as directed 3/4 times a day every 6/8 hours. However, at some point the meds stopped being a way to control my pain and they became a source to get high. I know this is awful and I really hate myself for it but it is what it is. I started taking 4 and 5 pills of Oxy at a time. At first it was once a day, then it turned to twice a day until I ended up taking them up to three times a day. Bringing my grand total of med consumption to 12 or 14 pills a day. I was going to different doctors every month just to get my prescriptions for meds. I thought I was fooling the doctors who were dishing out the scripts but in the end I know that I was only fooling myself. I kept saying... I have a condition and I have a right to control my pain. After all, how was I supposed to live my day to day life in constant chronic pain. In the end, my primary physician found out that I was Dr. shopping for prescriptions and I was banned from their practice. So now I find myself looking for another doctor to help me with the real health issues I do have (high blood pressure, anxiety and cholesterol). I know I will find another Doctor but will I be able to keep myself from requesting pain meds for them. I have some in stock and I do really need them for pain but I just can't trust myself with them. I have tried leaving them with my wife so she can hide them from me so I use only the amount I am supposed to but I keep finding them and taking more than I should. I feel so lost and so dirty. This is really taking a toll on my professional, family and personal life and I feel like such an awful person. I just want to be free of all of this and this is why I have decided to quit these meds altogether... cold turkey. But in reality... I am absolutely terrified of the withdrawls that I am about to go through and I am even more worried about relapsing. My wife is pretty much the only support I have and she is doing an excellent job at it but I feel I will need more support than just my loving wife. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the withdrawls? How long will they last, the withdrawls I mean? What should I expect as far as the withdrawls are concerned? I feel so lost... I just don't know who I am. Will I hit rock bottom? Can rock bottom be avoided???

MsCooterBrown

Hi Want! Welcome..I am glad you are here. You know..I had oxycodone prescribed a few years back after some major dental work. I just used them for pain but took them all..thing is..I was only allowed that one prescription..it had a do not refill on the bottle..long story short..I really didn't know much but just recently on A&E they had a special show on how AMERICA is becoming addicted and they zeroed in on this drug..I think the title of the show was Hillbilly Heroin. They said it is akin to Heroin but in a pure form. They zeroed in on what they called the Dealers with a degree..MDs that open up pain clinics and dole it out like candy..It is a huge problem. So don't feel alone. I hope you find a doctor you can be honest with and get some help for detox. They had a detox clinic and interviewed people that were trying to quit Oxys..looked like a really rough withdrawal for the ones that tried it alone..Be safe and get help. Glad you are here..Welcome.

silly

I don't know much about withdrawal from those particular drugs, want2besober. But I do know that getting help from a doctor during this time would be an excellent idea.
As far as support, I suggest trying an AA or NA meeting. You'll find people who are going through or have gone through similar things who can provide a lot of insight and a lot of understanding.
Good luck!

want2besober

Thanks MsCooter & Silly! I think I will try the cold turkey routine for a while and it it proves too much to bare I will definitely look into getting medical help.

shanman422

Hi Want, welcome!! Quoted above you said will I hit rock bottom? To be honest, from this post it sounds like you may have already hit.
This is a fabulous place for support... try and post and read as much as possible... WE KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH AND WILL NEVER JUDGE YOU!!! Good luck

Dee74

Hi want2
you may want to check out our Substance Abuse forum as well - you'll find a lot of people down there with experience in dealing with what you are right now

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

want2besober

Thanks Shanman! You may be absolutely right... I've hit bottom and in the process I have broken my life to pieces. I guess it's time to pickup the pieces now. I mean, I have been here once before when I was dealing with a really bad coke addiction but I was able to kick that habbit cold turkey with no problems. I'm not gonna lie... I did crave it from time to time but I guess that the motivation I received from knowing that my first son was on his way helped me get rid of the issue without relapsing. I haven't touched the substance since (approx. 6 yrs ago). But what scares me is that these pills seem to have me cornered. They have such control over my life that it's just plain ol' horrifying. Again, I do have a legit medical condition that warrants the use of such medication but I know for a fact that the way I had been taking these meds is no longer for medical benefit. I have come to the point where I feel like I can no longer funtion without them. I really do appreciate all of the support all of you have so willingfully shared with me and for the first time in a long time I feel like I might be able to finally kick my dependence on these horrible little round pieces of destruction. Thank you all.