How Far Have YOU come in Recovery?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
How Far Have YOU come in Recovery?
Thought it might be fun to have a thread going about our successes!I will kick it off...I no longer worry to the point where I can't breathe..I can manage my emotions and steer my thoughts onto a more productive path..I have some faith(where I had none)..I have got catastrophizing down to a minimum..I know where to go for help when I need it..I can let people fall without going down with them, I am taking care of my health..I lost 40 lbs in the past 2 years and just hired a personal trainer today (an early birthday present!)What about you guys?Anything counts..progress, not perfection!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
keepinon
What a great idea!
I have begun (because I always think there is room for improvement) to establish my boundaries and stop martyring myself. I never realized how much resentment I carried around because of my martyr-ish attitude! That simple realization has helped me realign my attitude toward just about everything!
I spend the vast majority of my time feeling serene. I use to spend the majority of my time in a state of anxiety, worry, sleeplessness, and any other unhealthy feeling . I am learning to "Let Go and Let God".
I have learned that prayer works. I don't always get the answer that I want to my prayers and the timing is in God's time, not mine, but just knowing that my HP is hearing me helps me to stay in my serene place.
I have learned that loving too much and in the wrong way is unhealthy....for me and the people around me.....most specifically my AS.
I am learning that I can change me! It's HARD! But it's possible.
I have come to understand the power behind the Serenity Prayer.
I am learning to open myself up to other people and ask for help when I need it.
Oh my.....my list is waaaaaaaay too long! In the last 4 - 5 years I have changed profoundly and I can see how much more I need to change! Although I am not and will never be thankful for my son's disease.....I am so grateful for the lessons I am learning as a direct result of his disease.
gentle hugs
ke
What a great idea!
I have begun (because I always think there is room for improvement) to establish my boundaries and stop martyring myself. I never realized how much resentment I carried around because of my martyr-ish attitude! That simple realization has helped me realign my attitude toward just about everything!
I spend the vast majority of my time feeling serene. I use to spend the majority of my time in a state of anxiety, worry, sleeplessness, and any other unhealthy feeling . I am learning to "Let Go and Let God".
I have learned that prayer works. I don't always get the answer that I want to my prayers and the timing is in God's time, not mine, but just knowing that my HP is hearing me helps me to stay in my serene place.
I have learned that loving too much and in the wrong way is unhealthy....for me and the people around me.....most specifically my AS.
I am learning that I can change me! It's HARD! But it's possible.
I have come to understand the power behind the Serenity Prayer.
I am learning to open myself up to other people and ask for help when I need it.
Oh my.....my list is waaaaaaaay too long! In the last 4 - 5 years I have changed profoundly and I can see how much more I need to change! Although I am not and will never be thankful for my son's disease.....I am so grateful for the lessons I am learning as a direct result of his disease.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Keep))) - what a great thread to start!!
I was just agonizing over how to get everything I need to get done, into 24 hours a day. While studying, I came up with a solution. It's always BEEN there, but I either didn't want to see it or was stuck in my uncomfortable comfort zone (thank you ((Anvilhead)) for reminding me of how I have a tendency to do that).
It's just a matter of changing my schedule a bit, getting to bed earlier so I can get up earlier.
My dad is talking about divorcing my stepmom, and I've made it clear that I love them both, and will not get in the middle or be forced to take sides. I can listen to them, if I choose, but can detach and say "do whatever you need to do for you" in the end.
I've gotten better at boundaries. When dad tries to break one down, gets angry, etc., I can calmly remind him this is something I choose not to talk about. When my niece, Brit, started lashing out all the anger she has inside of her on me, I told her "if you want to take out your anger on someone who loves you, I am NOT the one" and have gone NC with her.
When my boss, last night, asked if I could pick up the 3rd shift manager, who had wrecked his car and MY 2nd shift mgr had been telling them, for hours, they needed to get someone to come in, I said "no". It's not MY responsibility to have the restaurant covered. The store owner ended up going to pick him up, an hour after he was scheduled for work. We were planning on shutting down, if they didn't get someone in. WE had worked our shift, and WE were not going to stay and cover someone else's a$$.
I've met a friend, from here, and if the weather holds up, we are going horseback riding after church on Sunday. Yes, I could spend the day studying or working my other job, but I deserve to have fun, spend time with someone who has been a friend, here, for a long time, but we just recently met. Also connected with friends from way back when, and will be meeting up with them.
This is just stuff that has happened over the past few weeks. I guess, in essence, recovery has given me back my backbone, opened my eyes to solutions of challenges, and helped me to realize that though work and school are important, so is having a life. I've isolated myself for 4 years, though I'm around people ALL the time, due to work, it's time I put a little fun in my life. I can't FIX the problems of my family, who continue to make this home a dysfunction junction, but I can go on with my life and lovingly detach.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was just agonizing over how to get everything I need to get done, into 24 hours a day. While studying, I came up with a solution. It's always BEEN there, but I either didn't want to see it or was stuck in my uncomfortable comfort zone (thank you ((Anvilhead)) for reminding me of how I have a tendency to do that).
It's just a matter of changing my schedule a bit, getting to bed earlier so I can get up earlier.
My dad is talking about divorcing my stepmom, and I've made it clear that I love them both, and will not get in the middle or be forced to take sides. I can listen to them, if I choose, but can detach and say "do whatever you need to do for you" in the end.
I've gotten better at boundaries. When dad tries to break one down, gets angry, etc., I can calmly remind him this is something I choose not to talk about. When my niece, Brit, started lashing out all the anger she has inside of her on me, I told her "if you want to take out your anger on someone who loves you, I am NOT the one" and have gone NC with her.
When my boss, last night, asked if I could pick up the 3rd shift manager, who had wrecked his car and MY 2nd shift mgr had been telling them, for hours, they needed to get someone to come in, I said "no". It's not MY responsibility to have the restaurant covered. The store owner ended up going to pick him up, an hour after he was scheduled for work. We were planning on shutting down, if they didn't get someone in. WE had worked our shift, and WE were not going to stay and cover someone else's a$$.
I've met a friend, from here, and if the weather holds up, we are going horseback riding after church on Sunday. Yes, I could spend the day studying or working my other job, but I deserve to have fun, spend time with someone who has been a friend, here, for a long time, but we just recently met. Also connected with friends from way back when, and will be meeting up with them.
This is just stuff that has happened over the past few weeks. I guess, in essence, recovery has given me back my backbone, opened my eyes to solutions of challenges, and helped me to realize that though work and school are important, so is having a life. I've isolated myself for 4 years, though I'm around people ALL the time, due to work, it's time I put a little fun in my life. I can't FIX the problems of my family, who continue to make this home a dysfunction junction, but I can go on with my life and lovingly detach.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
I seem to be remembering my self worth better now. I 'lose' myself in relationshps and equate problems with me somehow not being good enough. I know that isn't the case, things are the way they are but it isn't necessarily a reflection of something I've done wrong.
I'm trying not to beat myself up or internalize simply because I don't have answers. Trying not to go to that dark place of blame and guilt.
I need to remind myself that I am of value both to myself and to those that love me!
I'm trying not to beat myself up or internalize simply because I don't have answers. Trying not to go to that dark place of blame and guilt.
I need to remind myself that I am of value both to myself and to those that love me!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
great post!
I have my faith back, stronger than ever.
I have accepted I cant control anyone
I have started preparing for another 5K since he left.
I have joined support groups for seperted/divorce people
I now smile more and laugh
I now have confidence in myself (much more but still work in progess)
I now have better self esteem (much more but still work in progress)
I now have learned and practice everyday not to harm people or be mean to people because I have been harmed. treat people as they treat you. its not fair to be mean to good people just because of what happened to me.
I have started to love myself (still work in progess)
I am thankful for my recovery
Im not ashamed or embarrassed anymore
Im more understanding to other people who lives are affected by addiction
I have more compassion for anyone going through a divorce
I want to live
Im a stronger person
I have my faith back, stronger than ever.
I have accepted I cant control anyone
I have started preparing for another 5K since he left.
I have joined support groups for seperted/divorce people
I now smile more and laugh
I now have confidence in myself (much more but still work in progess)
I now have better self esteem (much more but still work in progress)
I now have learned and practice everyday not to harm people or be mean to people because I have been harmed. treat people as they treat you. its not fair to be mean to good people just because of what happened to me.
I have started to love myself (still work in progess)
I am thankful for my recovery
Im not ashamed or embarrassed anymore
Im more understanding to other people who lives are affected by addiction
I have more compassion for anyone going through a divorce
I want to live
Im a stronger person
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Woodbridge, NJ
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
keepinon
Oh my.....my list is waaaaaaaay too long! In the last 4 - 5 years I have changed profoundly and I can see how much more I need to change! Although I am not and will never be thankful for my son's disease.....I am so grateful for the lessons I am learning as a direct result of his disease.
gentle hugs
ke
Oh my.....my list is waaaaaaaay too long! In the last 4 - 5 years I have changed profoundly and I can see how much more I need to change! Although I am not and will never be thankful for my son's disease.....I am so grateful for the lessons I am learning as a direct result of his disease.
gentle hugs
ke
The biggest accomplishment I've made in recovery is that somehow I got it through my thick skull that my husband will either do drugs, or he won't, and his decision doesn't have anything to do with me or my actions.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
I am still in the 'infancy stages' of recovery but just this week I accomplished the following:
* Police show up @ my door with the news that my AS is going to jail, I hugged my AS and told I him I loved him. I DIDN'T tell him how to fix it, I DIDN't offer to bail him out, etc. When the police left w/AS in car... I went outside and played with my dogs.
* When detective called today to 'fill us in' with more info. I took the info and filed it away. I diddn't run to the computer and start researching everything. I focused on my work.
*I didn't let my inlaws get the best of me last weekend. (she always tries to get on my last nerve). I smiled and said, wow! look at the time - I must go to work now.
Each day I learn a little more from each of you and my new found Alanon friends.
* Police show up @ my door with the news that my AS is going to jail, I hugged my AS and told I him I loved him. I DIDN'T tell him how to fix it, I DIDN't offer to bail him out, etc. When the police left w/AS in car... I went outside and played with my dogs.
* When detective called today to 'fill us in' with more info. I took the info and filed it away. I diddn't run to the computer and start researching everything. I focused on my work.
*I didn't let my inlaws get the best of me last weekend. (she always tries to get on my last nerve). I smiled and said, wow! look at the time - I must go to work now.
Each day I learn a little more from each of you and my new found Alanon friends.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 59
I have bettered my relationship with God.
I know to ask for help when I need it, I don't just brush it off.
I can control my moods and my reactions a lot better.
I actually think before speaking or doing anything.
I accept the things that have happened and the things that are out of my control.
I learned that I don't need alcohol or any other drug ro have fun.
I am way more grateful for the smaller things in life.
I have found true happiness.
(there are many more I know but I can't think of them at the moment)
But the best one of all is...
I have learned to love me.
I know to ask for help when I need it, I don't just brush it off.
I can control my moods and my reactions a lot better.
I actually think before speaking or doing anything.
I accept the things that have happened and the things that are out of my control.
I learned that I don't need alcohol or any other drug ro have fun.
I am way more grateful for the smaller things in life.
I have found true happiness.
(there are many more I know but I can't think of them at the moment)
But the best one of all is...
I have learned to love me.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
How far have I come? From the depths of hell to a life I love living today.
Faith replaced fear. At first just a little, but I noticed that a little faith went a long way and blind faith soon followed.
Today I feel very connected with nature, with the universe, with my spiritual guide who I choose to call God, and with people like all of you who "get" who I was and who I am today and love me warts and all.
Great thread keepinon!!
Hugs
Faith replaced fear. At first just a little, but I noticed that a little faith went a long way and blind faith soon followed.
Today I feel very connected with nature, with the universe, with my spiritual guide who I choose to call God, and with people like all of you who "get" who I was and who I am today and love me warts and all.
Great thread keepinon!!
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Excellent thread! Inspiring and hopeful posts from all.
I continue to take steps toward detaching and am seeing a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
Impurrfect's words hit home with me - "I can't FIX the problems of my family, who continue to make this home a dysfunction junction, but I can go on with my life and lovingly detach."
I continue to take steps toward detaching and am seeing a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
Impurrfect's words hit home with me - "I can't FIX the problems of my family, who continue to make this home a dysfunction junction, but I can go on with my life and lovingly detach."
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi all, great thread, great idea!
1. I can sleep through the night, no more obsessing thoughts waking me up!
2. I haven't spoken to oldest AS since the beginning of March, and I now know what serenity feels like. (I haven't felt this serene since he was in prison)
3. I am sticking with my boundaries...I have told youngest son, (in prison) NO phone calls, he can only write.
(I also told him, if he had a dire emergency, those nice people at the prison would call me...)
4. The best part is, I feel I have finally found detachment. My adult childrens troubles are not MY troubles.
In fact, I rarely let them take up any space in my head.
LOVE this thread......
1. I can sleep through the night, no more obsessing thoughts waking me up!
2. I haven't spoken to oldest AS since the beginning of March, and I now know what serenity feels like. (I haven't felt this serene since he was in prison)
3. I am sticking with my boundaries...I have told youngest son, (in prison) NO phone calls, he can only write.
(I also told him, if he had a dire emergency, those nice people at the prison would call me...)
4. The best part is, I feel I have finally found detachment. My adult childrens troubles are not MY troubles.
In fact, I rarely let them take up any space in my head.
LOVE this thread......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
Very very inspiring and awesome thread like everyone said above. 
And... it's something to focus on OURSELVES - (head thwap!). What a concept eh?!
I'm wracking my brain as to how far I've come but I feel that I've actually regressed somewhat... I didn't allow my AH to come home, but I allowed him to stay at his aunts. I felt really sick inside knowing that he would have 'camped' outside (down the street) and for now, I would not be able to 'detach with love'.
What blessings a lot of you have experienced - no more sleepless nights,
, losing positive weight (mentally and physically), connecting with God, ACCEPTING what we can't control... These are all things I hope to post on this thread in the coming months. Let's keep it going and get the highest responses ever!
And... it's something to focus on OURSELVES - (head thwap!). What a concept eh?! I'm wracking my brain as to how far I've come but I feel that I've actually regressed somewhat... I didn't allow my AH to come home, but I allowed him to stay at his aunts. I felt really sick inside knowing that he would have 'camped' outside (down the street) and for now, I would not be able to 'detach with love'.
What blessings a lot of you have experienced - no more sleepless nights,
, losing positive weight (mentally and physically), connecting with God, ACCEPTING what we can't control... These are all things I hope to post on this thread in the coming months. Let's keep it going and get the highest responses ever! Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by mooselips
2. I haven't spoken to oldest AS since the beginning of March, and I now know what serenity feels like. (I haven't felt this serene since he was in prison)
3. I am sticking with my boundaries...I have told youngest son, (in prison) NO phone calls, he can only write.
(I also told him, if he had a dire emergency, those nice people at the prison would call me...)
WOW! Now that my AS is in jail, I hope to follow your #2 and #3, infact I just read it to 'Mr. Jalapeno' and he smiled. Thanks for posting that as... this is something we NEED to do. Almost seems like being in prison/jail is an open invitation to call us. I must remember that its not AND I do feel a strange sense of serenity and peace with him being there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
The source that fed my co-dependency was my addiction to my xabf... and his addiction - trying to save him - trying to make him see what I see - the crazy making .... in the last 6 or so months of our relationship I started heavily working on myself and questioning why I thought so little of myself to put myself (and my children) in this mess. Towards the end, I found out that he cheated on me and that turned the tables and it was like - no turning back - I'm done.
So - because the source is gone - it doesn't mean my own sickness is. I still deal with PTSD from it all - lots of things that I felt, saw, heard - that I wish I never would have. Co-dependency will show up in smaller ways - and I am careful to not ever let that kind of source enter my world again - so with the smaller things- mainly minor insecurities - or having expectations of others and sweating it if they don't follow thru - I am quick to go back to my tool box ... and re-collect myself - and stay in my box. Remembering those 3 C's!
I've moved on romantically - he's also a single dad - and has a daughter. His ex has many addict behaviors and I've been really good about letting him deal with her. He is open and honest and communicative about things and I am not left to guessing or trying to figure it out for myself. He is so calm, cool, and collective when it comes to her and I basically ride his coat tails... cause I'll tell ya - if it were me - my co-dependency would be giving me a run for my money! So - we are a party of five. Children are adjusting and we have done a couple of snow boarding family vacations - all the kids on the mountain. My ex was really big on skiing and would boast about how he started when he was two - yada yada yada - of course - he never did.
For the first time, in a loooong time - my friends and family approve of my love interest. They see that I'm the same person when alone as I am when I am with him. I feel that is huge progress- because it's people seeing a drastic change in me. Actually, they saw the change once I began recovery and they see that I'm still in that same space - even tho I am in a relationship.
IDK - it's just all around a healthier - happier life and I went thru all kinds of hell to get here and am pleased that I have the tools to keep me going.
However, the PTSD - is my hardest hurdle - and I know that time is the answer.......
PS... My love is right now making me lunch He also brought me coffee in bed this morning and literally just booked us a get away trip for this September.... And guess what? He's not going to ask for kudos or a pat on the back afterwards - or have any expectation of me. He does kind things for me all the time - as I do for him - and we think nothing of it - it's good to be kind
So - because the source is gone - it doesn't mean my own sickness is. I still deal with PTSD from it all - lots of things that I felt, saw, heard - that I wish I never would have. Co-dependency will show up in smaller ways - and I am careful to not ever let that kind of source enter my world again - so with the smaller things- mainly minor insecurities - or having expectations of others and sweating it if they don't follow thru - I am quick to go back to my tool box ... and re-collect myself - and stay in my box. Remembering those 3 C's!
I've moved on romantically - he's also a single dad - and has a daughter. His ex has many addict behaviors and I've been really good about letting him deal with her. He is open and honest and communicative about things and I am not left to guessing or trying to figure it out for myself. He is so calm, cool, and collective when it comes to her and I basically ride his coat tails... cause I'll tell ya - if it were me - my co-dependency would be giving me a run for my money! So - we are a party of five. Children are adjusting and we have done a couple of snow boarding family vacations - all the kids on the mountain.
My ex was really big on skiing and would boast about how he started when he was two - yada yada yada - of course - he never did. For the first time, in a loooong time - my friends and family approve of my love interest. They see that I'm the same person when alone as I am when I am with him. I feel that is huge progress- because it's people seeing a drastic change in me. Actually, they saw the change once I began recovery and they see that I'm still in that same space - even tho I am in a relationship.
IDK - it's just all around a healthier - happier life and I went thru all kinds of hell to get here and am pleased that I have the tools to keep me going.
However, the PTSD - is my hardest hurdle - and I know that time is the answer.......
PS... My love is right now making me lunch
He also brought me coffee in bed this morning and literally just booked us a get away trip for this September.... And guess what? He's not going to ask for kudos or a pat on the back afterwards - or have any expectation of me. He does kind things for me all the time - as I do for him - and we think nothing of it - it's good to be kind Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I think I have the part about beating someone's addiction down, pat.
And yet, just the other day, another poster shared about her daughter hooking up with another loser, tatooed face/ ex con/ married and obsessively controlling.
My reaction would have been somewhere between ripping the guy's face off, interferring in the guy's personal life and a serious consideration to pay the guy to leave my daughter alone. So yeah, I am a work in progress.
And yet, just the other day, another poster shared about her daughter hooking up with another loser, tatooed face/ ex con/ married and obsessively controlling.
My reaction would have been somewhere between ripping the guy's face off, interferring in the guy's personal life and a serious consideration to pay the guy to leave my daughter alone. So yeah, I am a work in progress.
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