Hi, I'm new. :)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: NM
Posts: 13
Hi, I'm new. :)
Hi. I'm coming here to introduce myself as I really have nowhere to go. I'm obviously an alcoholic, I've probably always been one... even when I didn't drink. I've tried to talk myself out of it; justifying it by saying that if I'm an alcoholic, then most people I know are as well. I've tried to tell myself that I'm uncomfortable in social situations, that I have a hard life, that it was just a bad day. I think I've realized that somehow, somewhere inside me there is something that doesn't work very well with alcohol. For some reason, the heavy drinkers I know can still go to a club and be okay, but I will throw up in my hair and have to be carried out. I try and pretend that I just had too much fun, but I average about five or more drinks a day at night at home.
I probably reached my rock bottom a year or so ago, when I didn't even make it to a show my husband's band was playing at. Looking back, it was obviously alcohol poisoning. I just completely lost consciousness. Last week, I got quietly kicked out of the club he was playing at. I wasn't loud or belligerent, I just had no motor skills. For the first time in my life, I actually decided to stop drinking, not cut back... but stop.
I just can't anymore. I don't want to and I can't. I am just beginning my journey. I am close to a week in. With the exception of my husband, it seems that everyone around me is having fun with alcohol. I can't avoid people either. This Friday, his band is playing a show at a club I have been previously been cut off at, where I've been passed out back stage before and missed everything. It will be the first time in a long time that I'll be sober at a social event. I also have Easter with my heavy drinking family to look forward to (sigh... to think how many holidays I've spent in a haze... no more though).
So sorry. That was long. Anyway, nice to meet you guys and all that.
I probably reached my rock bottom a year or so ago, when I didn't even make it to a show my husband's band was playing at. Looking back, it was obviously alcohol poisoning. I just completely lost consciousness. Last week, I got quietly kicked out of the club he was playing at. I wasn't loud or belligerent, I just had no motor skills. For the first time in my life, I actually decided to stop drinking, not cut back... but stop.
I just can't anymore. I don't want to and I can't. I am just beginning my journey. I am close to a week in. With the exception of my husband, it seems that everyone around me is having fun with alcohol. I can't avoid people either. This Friday, his band is playing a show at a club I have been previously been cut off at, where I've been passed out back stage before and missed everything. It will be the first time in a long time that I'll be sober at a social event. I also have Easter with my heavy drinking family to look forward to (sigh... to think how many holidays I've spent in a haze... no more though).
So sorry. That was long. Anyway, nice to meet you guys and all that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: NM
Posts: 13
Editing my own post, as I realize that I'm probably sounding like some kid. I really wish that I were. I'm 32, with two kids (one 12yo adopted with emotional and behavior issues in place long before I started drinking), I've always thought I hide it pretty well from them. I'm a total night drinker and have been for about 4 years, and have always tried to not be drunk in front of them, but they probably wonder why mommy buys so much wine and daddy is always mad at her in the morning. Anyway, I guess the whole point of editing this was hoping I don't come across as someone who just needs to change her social environment and all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
Welcome strawberryashes. You'll get lots of good advice and support on SR.
For the first time in a long time I feel I will never drink alcohol again. I too am often surrounded by people who drink. In Ireland its such a big part of the culture so by not drinking I'm stepping outside the group in a way. Hopefully its manageable to have fun sober and that others will accept this new side to us! Good luck!!
For the first time in a long time I feel I will never drink alcohol again. I too am often surrounded by people who drink. In Ireland its such a big part of the culture so by not drinking I'm stepping outside the group in a way. Hopefully its manageable to have fun sober and that others will accept this new side to us! Good luck!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: NM
Posts: 13
Thanks!I have Irish and Scottish roots (Yes, I'm a total ginger).
It is really hard to be around people who are drinking and make it seem so easy. I always think, why can't I drink too? Then when I wake up at 3am having no memory of going to bed or what I did or said to people, I am beginning to realize why I can't.
I am trying to mentally prepare myself for Friday. My husband doesn't drink (like many spouses of alcoholics, he now hates alcohol), but he'll be on stage and everyone else will be drinking. I'm planning on blaming it on being on a diet. I have horrible shyness and never fit in with the party crowd without being totally trashed. I wish I could find some friends who wanted to play dungeons and dragons or something. I probably should skip out, but I feel like I've taken so much from my husband already, I don't want to mess with his music too. I think if I were to stay home I'd be really depressed and more likely to drink because nobody is watching me and telling me not to.
I know I'm really the only person who can tell me not to drink, it's just hard when that person (me) is the one who is always telling me to drink. I'm almost scared to be left alone with myself right now.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome Strawberry (and Marria too - haven't seen you before )
You're doing the right thing by deciding to stop all together. I'm old enough to be your mom, and at 32 I was in complete denial. I spent many years trying to control my intake, changed what I drank. I tried drinking only on special occasions, drinking only wine. Nothing ever worked - but for me, quitting never entered my mind.
Many years spent on the rollercoaster led to 3 DUI's and my life in shambles. It was quit or die. I found SR and felt a huge burden lifted from me - I was no longer alone with the hell I had created. Letting go of guilt and remorse was a huge problem for me, and my friends here helped me do it.
Be proud you're reaching out for a new life for yourself and your family. Here's where the nightmare can end. So sad that we think we're making life easier and more fun by drinking - it ends up doing just the opposite. Let us know how you're doing!
)You're doing the right thing by deciding to stop all together. I'm old enough to be your mom, and at 32 I was in complete denial. I spent many years trying to control my intake, changed what I drank. I tried drinking only on special occasions, drinking only wine. Nothing ever worked - but for me, quitting never entered my mind.
Many years spent on the rollercoaster led to 3 DUI's and my life in shambles. It was quit or die. I found SR and felt a huge burden lifted from me - I was no longer alone with the hell I had created. Letting go of guilt and remorse was a huge problem for me, and my friends here helped me do it.
Be proud you're reaching out for a new life for yourself and your family. Here's where the nightmare can end. So sad that we think we're making life easier and more fun by drinking - it ends up doing just the opposite. Let us know how you're doing!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
Well, coming from a "band guy" myself, I've seen plenty of other wives and girlfriends fall into this same scenario, but in my case, I was the one with the drinking problem and not my wife. In any event, once I quit drinking, I found myself in a situation where I had to either get out of the band to avoid being around clubs or to face the situation head-on and to simply deal with it. Of course, since my love of playing music wasn't going to prevent me from playing, I decided to deal with it to see how things might develop. In the last 2 1/2 months I've found that the greatest thing of all was that all of my musician friends as well as my closest friends have given me the utmost support that I've needed. I've also found that by seriously "wanting" to quit enabled me to simply drink sodas and fruit juice without even considering the notion of having an alcoholic beverage.
That said, there's no doubt that some folks just shouldn't be considering the idea of being in establishments that serve alcohol under any circumstances while in recovery, but it is entirely possible to quit and be in these places if you really "want" to quit badly enough. I can't express the words "want to" enough, but I would also highly recommend incorporating some sort of a treatment plan that'll work for you. In the end, though, you may very well find yourself surprised by how much support you'll find amongst all of your friends and bandmates if you do quit drinking. Above all, my guess is that it would make your husband very proud of you as well. You can do it strawberry!
That said, there's no doubt that some folks just shouldn't be considering the idea of being in establishments that serve alcohol under any circumstances while in recovery, but it is entirely possible to quit and be in these places if you really "want" to quit badly enough. I can't express the words "want to" enough, but I would also highly recommend incorporating some sort of a treatment plan that'll work for you. In the end, though, you may very well find yourself surprised by how much support you'll find amongst all of your friends and bandmates if you do quit drinking. Above all, my guess is that it would make your husband very proud of you as well. You can do it strawberry!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: kansas
Posts: 61
disease of addiction
No one is to blame for the disease of addiction.
You used to be a cucumber and now are a pickle.
Once a pickle always a pickle.
Sounds like you need to start attending AA meetings in your town.
Then get a sponsor who has about ten years or more chronological age than you and five years of sobriety.
Women are a natural when it comes to recovery.
1. They have a built in ability to network and share how they are feeling.
2. They understand and adhere to the spiritual quest and spiritual principles more readily than men.
3. They do not have a macho image to live up to.
4. They do not have the willpower insanity of continually trying and testing their willpower.
5. They normally partake of social activities that do not center around alcohol.
6. They do not have as big of a issue with surrender and defeat.
7. They are more open and willing to seek outside help and assistance.
8. They do not switch addiction in early recovery from their drug of choice to sex as easily as men do.
Admission is the first step in recovery.
You used to be a cucumber and now are a pickle.
Once a pickle always a pickle.
Sounds like you need to start attending AA meetings in your town.
Then get a sponsor who has about ten years or more chronological age than you and five years of sobriety.
Women are a natural when it comes to recovery.
1. They have a built in ability to network and share how they are feeling.
2. They understand and adhere to the spiritual quest and spiritual principles more readily than men.
3. They do not have a macho image to live up to.
4. They do not have the willpower insanity of continually trying and testing their willpower.
5. They normally partake of social activities that do not center around alcohol.
6. They do not have as big of a issue with surrender and defeat.
7. They are more open and willing to seek outside help and assistance.
8. They do not switch addiction in early recovery from their drug of choice to sex as easily as men do.
Admission is the first step in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by strawberryashes 
It will be the first time in a long time that I'll be sober at a social event. I also have Easter with my heavy drinking family to look forward to (sigh... to think how many holidays I've spent in a haze... no more though).
I am on day 4 and in the same place as you! I am excited about being sober and having easter with my kids without a hangover. I've only been here a few days but it was a great first step for me.
Good luck and I look forward to reading more of your posts!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Originally Posted by Francismcan
No one is to blame for the disease of addiction.
You used to be a cucumber and now are a pickle.
Once a pickle always a pickle.
Sounds like you need to start attending AA meetings in your town.
Then get a sponsor who has about ten years or more chronological age than you and five years of sobriety.
Women are a natural when it comes to recovery.
1. They have a built in ability to network and share how they are feeling.
2. They understand and adhere to the spiritual quest and spiritual principles more readily than men.
3. They do not have a macho image to live up to.
4. They do not have the willpower insanity of continually trying and testing their willpower.
5. They normally partake of social activities that do not center around alcohol.
6. They do not have as big of a issue with surrender and defeat.
7. They are more open and willing to seek outside help and assistance.
8. They do not switch addiction in early recovery from their drug of choice to sex as easily as men do.
Admission is the first step in recovery.
You used to be a cucumber and now are a pickle.
Once a pickle always a pickle.
Sounds like you need to start attending AA meetings in your town.
Then get a sponsor who has about ten years or more chronological age than you and five years of sobriety.
Women are a natural when it comes to recovery.
1. They have a built in ability to network and share how they are feeling.
2. They understand and adhere to the spiritual quest and spiritual principles more readily than men.
3. They do not have a macho image to live up to.
4. They do not have the willpower insanity of continually trying and testing their willpower.
5. They normally partake of social activities that do not center around alcohol.
6. They do not have as big of a issue with surrender and defeat.
7. They are more open and willing to seek outside help and assistance.
8. They do not switch addiction in early recovery from their drug of choice to sex as easily as men do.
Admission is the first step in recovery.
Its not that simple for all women! Great post though! Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by strawberryashes
I am trying to mentally prepare myself for Friday.
I have horrible shyness and never fit in with the party crowd without being totally trashed. I think if I were to stay home I'd be really depressed and more likely to drink because nobody is watching me and telling me not to.
I know I'm really the only person who can tell me not to drink, it's just hard when that person (me) is the one who is always telling me to drink. I'm almost scared to be left alone with myself right now.
With your shyness you'll need to be gentle with yourself as it will take time to feel comfortable without having alcohol as a crutch to lean in. Won't it be wonderful though to get to that place of feeling steady in yourself without drink, the blackouts, the hangover, the regrets!
You describe the struggle so well, the two voices inside battling it out, each trying to win. For me the voice telling me to drink won out too often and it scared me that it had got so loud and so powerful.Even typing that gives me a shiver! Joining SR has helped me to be totally honest and the feeling of being understood is what keeps me sober day by day.
Good luck and best wishes!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 111
Welcome. I'm a social anxiety-ridden, 38-days-sober recovering alcoholic 30-year-old girlfriend of a musician and at this time I think it would be too hard for me to be in a club/bar to watch him play. He isn't playing live right now (more of a studio musician lately, so that helps), but I believe he would understand if I said I couldn't be around the alcohol for a while. It's not like you would never see him play again, but it might be a good idea to try to fit in a sober activity when you would otherwise have seen him play. For a few months anyway. Possibly an AA meeting (I swear they are not as scary as they seem once you go). You'll learn to let go of the shame and not WORRY about why people think you're not drinking.
The problem is that when you're in that situation, you might be fine. But it only takes one day for a craving to come out of nowhere, there's a pitcher of beer in front of you, someone offer to buy you a shot and *bam,* you're right back where you were. Music is just so full of drugs and alcohol... but because there is so much drugs and alcohol there are also a lot of people who have been in recovery. They'll understand. It's hard to face, too, but if the people that you usually hang out with at the club saw you getting kicked out, puking, passing out, etc. they will probably be relieved that you're getting help.
Just my two cents. Your physical and mental health is worth it.
The problem is that when you're in that situation, you might be fine. But it only takes one day for a craving to come out of nowhere, there's a pitcher of beer in front of you, someone offer to buy you a shot and *bam,* you're right back where you were. Music is just so full of drugs and alcohol... but because there is so much drugs and alcohol there are also a lot of people who have been in recovery. They'll understand. It's hard to face, too, but if the people that you usually hang out with at the club saw you getting kicked out, puking, passing out, etc. they will probably be relieved that you're getting help.
Just my two cents. Your physical and mental health is worth it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome Strawberryashes
You'll find a lot of support here - and folks who understand.
you may be different, but I wouldn't have been able to hang in a bar and be sober - not right off anyway.
I tried it many times. I'd make it sober one night, but feeling miserable and resentful....
then the next time, I'd order just one 'to fit in' which I intended to nurse all night....of course, never happened that way.
I used to be a musician too - for me it was important to step away from that world for a while and get myself together. You can't change without changes.
For me, I think the time I spent working on myself, working on my recovery and not hanging in bars was a good investment for the rest of my life.
D
You'll find a lot of support here - and folks who understand.
you may be different, but I wouldn't have been able to hang in a bar and be sober - not right off anyway.
I tried it many times. I'd make it sober one night, but feeling miserable and resentful....
then the next time, I'd order just one 'to fit in' which I intended to nurse all night....of course, never happened that way.
I used to be a musician too - for me it was important to step away from that world for a while and get myself together. You can't change without changes.
For me, I think the time I spent working on myself, working on my recovery and not hanging in bars was a good investment for the rest of my life.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 87
Well join the club and keep posting reading, its helps! Stay busy! Get back to what you love to do, what were your passions before? Congrats on realizing you have a problem. A little about me is on the post " Just realized". Its good to share and read other peoples post so you know your not a lone in this. I thought i was until yesterday. have a great day and be positive and smile your alive!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: NM
Posts: 13
I definitely agree that a bar isn't the kind of place I need to be right now. I don't know if I can be strong enough. I'm cycling through so many mixed emotions. I'm good. I'm bad. etc. It's not that I'm worried about not seeing a show. Really, I didn't really "see" many of the shows anyway. I can remember very few.
I guess I just don't want to be the girl left behind. Even though my husband is supportive about me not drinking, supportive to the point of anger if I even so much as think of having a sip of beer, I don't want to look like I can't handle anything and be a problem in that way. I also don't want to resent him, because sometimes I do... just a little bit. I'm probably going to be really grumpy and moody and unpleasant that night.
This is what I plan on telling myself.
1. People don't like me drunk. They exchange glances at each other when they think I'm too out of it to notice... but I do.
2. If I have so much as one drink, I will be fighting with my husband all weekend. I really don't need the stress of trying to quit drinking and relationship troubles at the same time.
3. Well... I can't think of a third. At least there isn't another show for a while.
I <3 you guys already. I've really needed support for a long time and I'm glad to have found so many people here who understand what I'm going through. Here's hoping for a Saturday morning hurray post and not a Saturday afternoon post through a veil of tears.
I guess I just don't want to be the girl left behind. Even though my husband is supportive about me not drinking, supportive to the point of anger if I even so much as think of having a sip of beer, I don't want to look like I can't handle anything and be a problem in that way. I also don't want to resent him, because sometimes I do... just a little bit. I'm probably going to be really grumpy and moody and unpleasant that night.
This is what I plan on telling myself.
1. People don't like me drunk. They exchange glances at each other when they think I'm too out of it to notice... but I do.
2. If I have so much as one drink, I will be fighting with my husband all weekend. I really don't need the stress of trying to quit drinking and relationship troubles at the same time.
3. Well... I can't think of a third. At least there isn't another show for a while.
I <3 you guys already. I've really needed support for a long time and I'm glad to have found so many people here who understand what I'm going through. Here's hoping for a Saturday morning hurray post and not a Saturday afternoon post through a veil of tears.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
Welcome strawberryashes!
I would try to have a plan in place if your going to the bar, plan what beverage you are going to order before hand and have an exit strategy in place if need be. Good Luck and am glad you found SR.
I would try to have a plan in place if your going to the bar, plan what beverage you are going to order before hand and have an exit strategy in place if need be. Good Luck and am glad you found SR.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome strawberry! Glad you're here and making a decision to get sober.
I never could understand either why I couldn't control my drinking. It wasn't for a lack of trying, that's for sure!
I'm not sure what to say about the bar scene - Have you talked with your husband? It sounds like he would be totally supportive of any decision that would help you in your recovery.
This place has been my lifeline and I highly recommend reading/posting as much as you can. Congratulations on your sober days - well done!
I never could understand either why I couldn't control my drinking. It wasn't for a lack of trying, that's for sure!
I'm not sure what to say about the bar scene - Have you talked with your husband? It sounds like he would be totally supportive of any decision that would help you in your recovery.
This place has been my lifeline and I highly recommend reading/posting as much as you can. Congratulations on your sober days - well done!
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