divorce next week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
divorce next week
Hello everyone, wanted to give you all an update. our divorce will be final next wed..I cant stop crying. it has been a struggle, but a sad ending.
all I wanted was for him to get help. Its just so sad that it comes down to
him losing me, his family, his house, his job, his doggies and his health.
2 weeks ago I called him and we had a nice talk, it was good for both of us.
first being, we settled without the pressures of our attorneys and also
it gave us a chance to make amends. I finally came to the point of acceptance. I accepted that it is what it is and I also accepted that
everything was done humanly possible to save him. The fight is over.
I let go and gave it to god.
I was ready to do this, we had gone no contact for many months. I didnt
want it to continue as it was time for me and for him to talk. we chatted
for like 2 hours, had alot of laughs and we also cried.
I will continue living in the home, he is planning on moving to maine.
I will help him do that, I will make sure he has shelter, food, health insurance
and be okay, after all he has made decisions and settled to make sure Im
okay too
I want to thank each and everyone of you for getting me through this, I
truely dont know how I would have done it without you. for anyone
here who is seperated or wanting a divorce my suggestion is, dont rush,
dont lash out, dont attack, it was all nothing but stressful for me and in
the end no matter who did what ,who said this, whatever, you have to settle and settle fairly for each other.
Give it time, time will help you make rational decisions, time will heal your wounds, time will give you strength and courage to recover. try your best
to make agreements before spending tons of money on attorneys! Let go
of the addiction and concentrate on things that are more important,like
settling.
no one ever wins in these situations, but we all can recover, we all (including our addicts) will live life the way they choice, whether good or bad. All we
can do is pray and have hope for them and for ourselves as well.
I want to give a special thank you to ATALOSE, my ROCK, my savior.
atalose, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
hugs to you all
all I wanted was for him to get help. Its just so sad that it comes down to
him losing me, his family, his house, his job, his doggies and his health.
2 weeks ago I called him and we had a nice talk, it was good for both of us.
first being, we settled without the pressures of our attorneys and also
it gave us a chance to make amends. I finally came to the point of acceptance. I accepted that it is what it is and I also accepted that
everything was done humanly possible to save him. The fight is over.
I let go and gave it to god.
I was ready to do this, we had gone no contact for many months. I didnt
want it to continue as it was time for me and for him to talk. we chatted
for like 2 hours, had alot of laughs and we also cried.
I will continue living in the home, he is planning on moving to maine.
I will help him do that, I will make sure he has shelter, food, health insurance
and be okay, after all he has made decisions and settled to make sure Im
okay too
I want to thank each and everyone of you for getting me through this, I
truely dont know how I would have done it without you. for anyone
here who is seperated or wanting a divorce my suggestion is, dont rush,
dont lash out, dont attack, it was all nothing but stressful for me and in
the end no matter who did what ,who said this, whatever, you have to settle and settle fairly for each other.
Give it time, time will help you make rational decisions, time will heal your wounds, time will give you strength and courage to recover. try your best
to make agreements before spending tons of money on attorneys! Let go
of the addiction and concentrate on things that are more important,like
settling.
no one ever wins in these situations, but we all can recover, we all (including our addicts) will live life the way they choice, whether good or bad. All we
can do is pray and have hope for them and for ourselves as well.
I want to give a special thank you to ATALOSE, my ROCK, my savior.
atalose, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
hugs to you all
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Tam, forgiveness can wash a way a ton of resentments and it sounds to me like you both made your peace with each other, and that is good even if it is sad.
Grieving is normal. It hurts and it would be nice to be able to just skip through it, but it takes time and healing. This is a big loss, no matter how necessary.
Be gentle with yourself, take some quiet time to find your balance and make some time to get out with friends, even when you don't want to. It's about balance and healing and moving forward at your own pace.
Sending big hugs because I know this is a hard time for you. Just know that we're here and we care.
Hugs
Grieving is normal. It hurts and it would be nice to be able to just skip through it, but it takes time and healing. This is a big loss, no matter how necessary.
Be gentle with yourself, take some quiet time to find your balance and make some time to get out with friends, even when you don't want to. It's about balance and healing and moving forward at your own pace.
Sending big hugs because I know this is a hard time for you. Just know that we're here and we care.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Good Luck Tam,
I hope it all goes well. I am glad you two are able to converse civally. It took several months before I could even talk to my ex on the phone. As time goes by I find it doesn't hurt as bad as it once did.
Once you really let go something changes in yourself. And once you get through the initial pain it gets alot better. I no longer feel responsible for him like I did before, I no longer think he will die without us.
He's made some attempts to try to get us back but it won't work. I feel a peace and serenity in my life now. Yes being a single mom is scary and forging into life again is really scary but it's nothing like what I dealt with before. I consider myself a surviver of war, thats really what I feel like,
Good luck, your gonna be better real soon,
Teggie
I hope it all goes well. I am glad you two are able to converse civally. It took several months before I could even talk to my ex on the phone. As time goes by I find it doesn't hurt as bad as it once did.
Once you really let go something changes in yourself. And once you get through the initial pain it gets alot better. I no longer feel responsible for him like I did before, I no longer think he will die without us.
He's made some attempts to try to get us back but it won't work. I feel a peace and serenity in my life now. Yes being a single mom is scary and forging into life again is really scary but it's nothing like what I dealt with before. I consider myself a surviver of war, thats really what I feel like,
Good luck, your gonna be better real soon,
Teggie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
Hugs Tam. You are an inspiration to me as you go through what I expect to go through some day. It is NOT easy. I'm sad for all you have lost, but glad you are working to get to the other side very, very soon. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
thank you everyone. I truly wouldnt wish this on anyone, its not an easy thing to go through. I never imagined this would happen to our marriage.
I now attend support group for seperated/divorce people and like this group
the feelings we feel are all the same and to know your not alone or insane
and to be able to talk to others (like on here) is a blessing.
funny, last night one of the ladies gave each of us a gift, the book "language of letting go"...how strange, perfect timing. I know many of you recommended reading it, I never did, now I will, there is a reason I was given
that last night.
I dont know what my future is, heck none of us know either, all we can do is try our best to live life to the fullest, one day at a time.
thank you all again, I appreciate the support I received from others who have been through it, and I hope my story gives someone support who is also going through it.
live strong, stay strong!
I now attend support group for seperated/divorce people and like this group
the feelings we feel are all the same and to know your not alone or insane
and to be able to talk to others (like on here) is a blessing.
funny, last night one of the ladies gave each of us a gift, the book "language of letting go"...how strange, perfect timing. I know many of you recommended reading it, I never did, now I will, there is a reason I was given
that last night.
I dont know what my future is, heck none of us know either, all we can do is try our best to live life to the fullest, one day at a time.
thank you all again, I appreciate the support I received from others who have been through it, and I hope my story gives someone support who is also going through it.
live strong, stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: southeast
Posts: 111
TAM
You are so strong & always have given wise advice & been so honest with your feelings.
I know you are mourning your past wonderful marriage & what should have been.
But you have much to give & much life still to enjoy.
Thank you for being on the board & keeping us updated on your journey.
You are so strong & always have given wise advice & been so honest with your feelings.
I know you are mourning your past wonderful marriage & what should have been.
But you have much to give & much life still to enjoy.
Thank you for being on the board & keeping us updated on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
Thank you Tam for sharing your journey with us here. I hope that you and your loved one may form a different kind of relationship in the following months. You never know... this ordeal might make you both closer than ever. I pray for that for you if it's meant to be and pray that you'd be okay if it's not.
Wow, I feel there are so many courageous people here...yet being vulnerable and honest enough at the same time to express when they feel 'weak' and having the amazing support to be there for everyone without judgement (well, maybe just a smidgen... but everyone has their opinions right?).
Way to go!
Wow, I feel there are so many courageous people here...yet being vulnerable and honest enough at the same time to express when they feel 'weak' and having the amazing support to be there for everyone without judgement (well, maybe just a smidgen... but everyone has their opinions right?).
Way to go!
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