feeling bad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 174
feeling bad
Ugh, there is still back and forth stuff going on between my friend. exA's mom doesn't want to be apart of the third party or even the kids. So, we switched the person to my girlfriend and she helped out babysitting and communicating about visits for him.
I don't know why, I just feel bad. exA doesn't have anywhere to take the kids and he wanted to see them. I'm sending mixed signals by letting him take them. He took them to the pool to swim and then was taking them out to eat. I was really sad to see him (from a distance-we can do curbside drop offs) I just about cried, feeling bad. Later that night when I got the kids back my daughter told me that daddy let them ride in the truck without buckles as long as they sit down. I was furious!!
I guess he found a place to rent and when I find my place then his brother will rent that place. He told my friend that if I didn't find a place soon he would have to let me have the house and he would sell the van. It felt like a threat, because I am keeping the vehicle and he is taking the house.
He tells her it would be easier to communicate about the kids if I modified the order to be able to talk abt kids. He thinks I should modify it to let him take his things without the police along. I need some support to NOT let myself think I should drop the order. I know it should be in place at least until I find my place. The rental assistance lady told me it should be next month.
I hate feeling bad for him. But then again I know he is still trying to control/manipulate me. :/
I don't know why, I just feel bad. exA doesn't have anywhere to take the kids and he wanted to see them. I'm sending mixed signals by letting him take them. He took them to the pool to swim and then was taking them out to eat. I was really sad to see him (from a distance-we can do curbside drop offs) I just about cried, feeling bad. Later that night when I got the kids back my daughter told me that daddy let them ride in the truck without buckles as long as they sit down. I was furious!!
I guess he found a place to rent and when I find my place then his brother will rent that place. He told my friend that if I didn't find a place soon he would have to let me have the house and he would sell the van. It felt like a threat, because I am keeping the vehicle and he is taking the house.
He tells her it would be easier to communicate about the kids if I modified the order to be able to talk abt kids. He thinks I should modify it to let him take his things without the police along. I need some support to NOT let myself think I should drop the order. I know it should be in place at least until I find my place. The rental assistance lady told me it should be next month.
I hate feeling bad for him. But then again I know he is still trying to control/manipulate me. :/
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Watching A suffer consequences is hard.
But it is good for you, and the old way is to abandon what is good for you to ease his discomfort.
This is different. Stick to it. He will live, heck, he might even grow from it.
You're doing the right thing! Keep it up.
But it is good for you, and the old way is to abandon what is good for you to ease his discomfort.
This is different. Stick to it. He will live, heck, he might even grow from it.
You're doing the right thing! Keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
He is still trying to hook you and manipulate you. Remember that. He will pull out all of the stops, especially from a distance. Dragging others into it. Probably best that you just stick with the plan. And definitely try to stop with the mixed signals.......remember, give them an inch and they will pry the door open with a crowbar and take it all. Don't forget this! Stay strong. Hold your boundaries.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 204
Please just watch out for the kids, it's scary that he let them ride without buckles.
My AH, who I am separated from and working out the details of a divorce from, would do weird things when visiting the kids, like have a snowball fight with them in zero degree weather without proper clothes on, let my two year old ride a scooter without a helmet, wrestle way too hard with my seven year old, etc. He wants to be Mr. Fun and will never say no, even when it's for safety. I don't think he knows proper boundaries anymore. My seven year old even thinks he acts "weird" sometimes. I have decided he can't visit them alone anymore, or take them for rides, because I never know when he is secretly drinking or taking too much of his prescribed medicine.
Like someone else said on the forum yesterday, active alcoholics aren't capable of being good parents right now and although the kids love them, it is best that they don't see them, especially without supervision.
My AH, who I am separated from and working out the details of a divorce from, would do weird things when visiting the kids, like have a snowball fight with them in zero degree weather without proper clothes on, let my two year old ride a scooter without a helmet, wrestle way too hard with my seven year old, etc. He wants to be Mr. Fun and will never say no, even when it's for safety. I don't think he knows proper boundaries anymore. My seven year old even thinks he acts "weird" sometimes. I have decided he can't visit them alone anymore, or take them for rides, because I never know when he is secretly drinking or taking too much of his prescribed medicine.
Like someone else said on the forum yesterday, active alcoholics aren't capable of being good parents right now and although the kids love them, it is best that they don't see them, especially without supervision.
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