Young and trying to figure out sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Poulsbo, WA
Posts: 6
Young and trying to figure out sobriety
Hi, this is my first day on this site. I'm only 19 years old, have been drinking for a few years now. At first it was fine, just going out with friends and partying and having a good time. This past year has been very different and I'm confused with myself. (Keep in mind I only drink 1-2 times a month at most) BUT Now, I often times black out and become a whole different person while drunk. This past weekend has been the worst, I was drunk and didn't remember being mean to my boyfriend. I also became flirty(that's a first) and passed out in a strangers home. I don't know why I can't handle my booze like everyone else. Is it normal to be so young and already have this problem? I'm sad because I want to be able to go out and have a good time and NOT make a fool of myself. My boyfriend wants me to give up drinking for good but I find it hard to tell him I will NEVER take another drink in my life. I just feel so young and that's a big commitment. I guess I really need help to decide what to do. He wants to be able to go out and drink and smoke but wants me to remain clean forever. I need some support, help, advice.
I am embarrassed with how I've been acting while drunk, but is quitting for good the only answer? Isn't there a way to just learn better self control while drinking?
I am willing to change my life for my boyfriend but shouldn't it be for myself? Not to just keep him happy? I am so confused. Please help.
Thank you for listening
I am embarrassed with how I've been acting while drunk, but is quitting for good the only answer? Isn't there a way to just learn better self control while drinking?
I am willing to change my life for my boyfriend but shouldn't it be for myself? Not to just keep him happy? I am so confused. Please help.
Thank you for listening
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Welcome to SR! There is a lot of wisdom and support to be found here. You are right that a decision such as this should be for yourself, not for anyone else. You are very young and you shouldn't change yourself for a boyfriend. Who knows if he's even the guy you'll eventually end up with. Any changes you make should be for your own well-being.
The fact that you say you only drink once or twice a month is irrelevant. What matters is what happens to you when you do drink. Blacking out is very serious, and even once drinking to blackout can get us in all kinds of trouble.
I understand how difficult it is to think of never having another drink, especially at your young age. But, isn't it better to head off problems now, rather than drink for another 20 years and deal with all the problems that will cause?
There are several young people who post here who have decided that living a sober life is what they want to do. Please, read the posts of others. I'll bet you find plenty of things you will identify with. Be sure to read the stickies (permanent posts) at the top of this forum. There is a lot of good information and wisdom there.
Once again, welcome to SR!
The fact that you say you only drink once or twice a month is irrelevant. What matters is what happens to you when you do drink. Blacking out is very serious, and even once drinking to blackout can get us in all kinds of trouble.
I understand how difficult it is to think of never having another drink, especially at your young age. But, isn't it better to head off problems now, rather than drink for another 20 years and deal with all the problems that will cause?
There are several young people who post here who have decided that living a sober life is what they want to do. Please, read the posts of others. I'll bet you find plenty of things you will identify with. Be sure to read the stickies (permanent posts) at the top of this forum. There is a lot of good information and wisdom there.
Once again, welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Yes, it has to be something you do for yourself, not your boyfriend.
Honestly, your behaviour sounds downright scary and dangerous to me. I did have blackouts too, and all these years later, I still think about that. You have NO IDEA what you did when you black out. It's gone forever and finding yourself passed out in a stranger's home is way beyond scary-dangerous.
Please take a look around here and learn about alcoholism. It's not about how often you drink, but about what happens to you when you drink.
Honestly, your behaviour sounds downright scary and dangerous to me. I did have blackouts too, and all these years later, I still think about that. You have NO IDEA what you did when you black out. It's gone forever and finding yourself passed out in a stranger's home is way beyond scary-dangerous.
Please take a look around here and learn about alcoholism. It's not about how often you drink, but about what happens to you when you drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
hi.
it's not how much or how long we drink.....it's what it does to us when we do drink
you don't have to drink 20 30 years to have a problem ..it can happen right from the get go with some people, and women are more susceptible to the ravages of alcohol than men.
any time anything bad has happened in my life 99% involved alcohol..
you are the only one who can know for sure if you have a problem ,no one can give you the answer.
but if you do,, then you are very wise to recognize it now while still so young..
good look to you
it's not how much or how long we drink.....it's what it does to us when we do drink
you don't have to drink 20 30 years to have a problem ..it can happen right from the get go with some people, and women are more susceptible to the ravages of alcohol than men.
any time anything bad has happened in my life 99% involved alcohol..
you are the only one who can know for sure if you have a problem ,no one can give you the answer.
but if you do,, then you are very wise to recognize it now while still so young..
good look to you
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum -
Have you ever tried to cut back or limit the amount you drink? It would certainly be worth a try...... If you find that you're not successful, it could be that you have the same kind of chemical/psychological makeup that a lot of us do.
Only you can make the decision. If your boyfriend is just thinking about your well-being, that's good, but the way it sounded was like he wanted to make the decision for you, all the while drinking himself.
Have you ever tried to cut back or limit the amount you drink? It would certainly be worth a try...... If you find that you're not successful, it could be that you have the same kind of chemical/psychological makeup that a lot of us do.
Only you can make the decision. If your boyfriend is just thinking about your well-being, that's good, but the way it sounded was like he wanted to make the decision for you, all the while drinking himself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Poulsbo, WA
Posts: 6
You are all so kind. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.
I tried quitting altogether awhile back and because my boyfriend was still drinking it made me want to again. Its hard for me to be around him if hes been drinking, i feel like im resentful at this point and i feel bad. Would it be better to not be with someone who drinks?
I tried quitting altogether awhile back and because my boyfriend was still drinking it made me want to again. Its hard for me to be around him if hes been drinking, i feel like im resentful at this point and i feel bad. Would it be better to not be with someone who drinks?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Johnson. Glad you've found us. Age has nothing to to with it. Alcohol isn't biased -it doesn't care how old, what religion, race, etc.
I wish I was as strong as you are when I was your age. It would have saved me 30 years of alcoholic misery.
You can live a life alcohol free. Normal people do it all the time. My counselor was 25 when he went into recovery and has been sober 25 years. You can live a life of sobriety.
I think you are a very brave strong young lady. Go for it we are here for you.
I wish I was as strong as you are when I was your age. It would have saved me 30 years of alcoholic misery.
You can live a life alcohol free. Normal people do it all the time. My counselor was 25 when he went into recovery and has been sober 25 years. You can live a life of sobriety.
I think you are a very brave strong young lady. Go for it we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 59
Johnson, I myself am only 19 years old and have this wicked problem. Quitting for good may or may not be the answer. Test yourself, if you have to. You shouldn't quit for somebody else though. That can turn into something really bad, and make either you or him feel very guilty and it would just eat away at you inside because you'd still want to drink. So yes, you should want to quit for you and only you. You have to want it more than anything.
Just remember, you're not the only young person having this problem or may think you have a problem, whichever it may be. If you want to talk to somebody who is your age about going through something like this feel free to PM me anytime. I'm 19 and now 2 years sober and am happy to help, as is everybody else on this site.
Just remember, you're not the only young person having this problem or may think you have a problem, whichever it may be. If you want to talk to somebody who is your age about going through something like this feel free to PM me anytime. I'm 19 and now 2 years sober and am happy to help, as is everybody else on this site.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Poulsbo, WA
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by HootyHoo 
Johnson, I myself am only 19 years old and have this wicked problem. Quitting for good may or may not be the answer. Test yourself, if you have to. You shouldn't quit for somebody else though. That can turn into something really bad, and make either you or him feel very guilty and it would just eat away at you inside because you'd still want to drink. So yes, you should want to quit for you and only you. You have to want it more than anything.
Just remember, you're not the only young person having this problem or may think you have a problem, whichever it may be. If you want to talk to somebody who is your age about going through something like this feel free to PM me anytime. I'm 19 and now 2 years sober and am happy to help, as is everybody else on this site.
Just remember, you're not the only young person having this problem or may think you have a problem, whichever it may be. If you want to talk to somebody who is your age about going through something like this feel free to PM me anytime. I'm 19 and now 2 years sober and am happy to help, as is everybody else on this site.
Hey thank you for the post. Can you please tell me what led you to being sober? And you were only 17 when you quit?
I think since we have age in common, your perspective will help me a lot. I appreciate this.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please taketime to read this link..blackouts are discussed
and so are many other interesting things about drinking
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I too was a blackout drinker...that is such risky behavior...
It's a miracle I was not murdered or raped or beaten.
Welcome ...
and so are many other interesting things about drinking
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I too was a blackout drinker...that is such risky behavior...
It's a miracle I was not murdered or raped or beaten.
Welcome ...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi Johnson
Welcome
There some really great advice here - I hope you think on it at some length.
The bottom line is blackouts put people in danger - even guys like me - and the surefire cure for blackouts, however unfair it may seem, is not to drink.
I spent 20 years trying to get around that fact - don't waste that time like I did.
D
Welcome
There some really great advice here - I hope you think on it at some length.
The bottom line is blackouts put people in danger - even guys like me - and the surefire cure for blackouts, however unfair it may seem, is not to drink.
I spent 20 years trying to get around that fact - don't waste that time like I did.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
Hi Johnson, Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you posted.
It was helpful for me to read your posts. I'm much older now. But I was 19 when I first quit, and I did not drink often but it was a problem when I drank. When I quit, I was not sure how much of a problem alcohol really was (like if I was alcoholic), but blackouts and such scared me. And I was embarrassed by my behavior, and it did not seem like there was any good reason to drink.
I have drank twice since 19 (for several months), and each time just confirmed to me that alcohol is problematic in my life. I am so glad that I quit early. I have been able to do so much more in my life than if I had kept drinking. And I have friends and a husband that don't drink- which makes sobriety so much easier I think.
I can see why it would be hard to quit with your bf still drinking.
Personally- I think it is okay to start to get sober because of someone else's concerns, but it does seem important that it become your choice and about what you want.
I feel for you, because I remember being 19 and trying to decide if it could really be a problem.
I hope it gets easier soon.
It was helpful for me to read your posts. I'm much older now. But I was 19 when I first quit, and I did not drink often but it was a problem when I drank. When I quit, I was not sure how much of a problem alcohol really was (like if I was alcoholic), but blackouts and such scared me. And I was embarrassed by my behavior, and it did not seem like there was any good reason to drink.
I have drank twice since 19 (for several months), and each time just confirmed to me that alcohol is problematic in my life. I am so glad that I quit early. I have been able to do so much more in my life than if I had kept drinking. And I have friends and a husband that don't drink- which makes sobriety so much easier I think.
I can see why it would be hard to quit with your bf still drinking.
Personally- I think it is okay to start to get sober because of someone else's concerns, but it does seem important that it become your choice and about what you want.
I feel for you, because I remember being 19 and trying to decide if it could really be a problem.
I hope it gets easier soon.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by johnson6521
Hey thank you for the post. Can you please tell me what led you to being sober? And you were only 17 when you quit?
I think since we have age in common, your perspective will help me a lot. I appreciate this.
I think since we have age in common, your perspective will help me a lot. I appreciate this.
My dad is an alcoholic and hurt me so much because of the things he did while drinking and long story short one night after blacking out and puking and dry heaving I broke down crying and told my boyfriend at the time my whole life story about my dad and everything and I said I didn't want to turn out like he did and that I needed to quit. And that's exactly what I did.
That's just the short version. Not quite ready to share the whole ordeal on here. But if you'd like we can PM if you have any more questions. I am more than happy to help you in any way that I can. I know how hard to can be at this age. It also helps me to know that I'm not the only one at this age who is going through this nasty problem.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 59
Also, I am dating a guy who drinks, but it does not bother me anymore at all and he rarely ever does now. That's another thing we have in common if you need help with talking about that too. I was 9 months sober when I started dating him and it wasn't until a few months into out relationship that his drinking bothered me. But now that is something that I am completely over and am actually okay with. But since you're new to recovery it might be a bit of a different story but am happy to help!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 18
Johnson,
Welcome to the site!
I recently decided to quit drinking myself at 20 years old (17 days ago to be exact). I had been drinking since I was 16 and drank like it was a race. . . It seemed like all I could think about while drinking was the NEXT drink. I would usually only drink on weekends but it was getting to the point where I'd drink 3-4 times a week, and blackout like once a week. . . . In my history of drinking I've totaled a car. . . fought many of my friends for absolutely no reason at all . . . woke up in weird places, cheated on my girlfriend of 3 years ruining our relationship. . . Pretty much everything terrible that's ever happened to me can be linked in one way or another to my drinking. . . That having been said nobody ever told me they wanted me to quit drinking.
You mentioned your boyfriend wants you to quit . . . I just thought I'd let you know that unless YOU want to quit, you probably won't get or stay sober for very long. It's definitely gonna be a little difficult since you're young and a lot of your friends probably drink (mine do too); but it's definitely possible if you want it bad enough. The fact that you found this site leads me to believe you yourself are at least intrigued by the thought of sobriety. Whatever you decide, this site is full of informative and supportive folks; many of whom have been in similar situations as the one you're in now.
Good luck!
Welcome to the site!
I recently decided to quit drinking myself at 20 years old (17 days ago to be exact). I had been drinking since I was 16 and drank like it was a race. . . It seemed like all I could think about while drinking was the NEXT drink. I would usually only drink on weekends but it was getting to the point where I'd drink 3-4 times a week, and blackout like once a week. . . . In my history of drinking I've totaled a car. . . fought many of my friends for absolutely no reason at all . . . woke up in weird places, cheated on my girlfriend of 3 years ruining our relationship. . . Pretty much everything terrible that's ever happened to me can be linked in one way or another to my drinking. . . That having been said nobody ever told me they wanted me to quit drinking.
You mentioned your boyfriend wants you to quit . . . I just thought I'd let you know that unless YOU want to quit, you probably won't get or stay sober for very long. It's definitely gonna be a little difficult since you're young and a lot of your friends probably drink (mine do too); but it's definitely possible if you want it bad enough. The fact that you found this site leads me to believe you yourself are at least intrigued by the thought of sobriety. Whatever you decide, this site is full of informative and supportive folks; many of whom have been in similar situations as the one you're in now.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
I myself am in my early 20's and I wish like other people I had realized my problem started when I was your age. But whether or not you think you're a "problem drinker" or an "alcoholic", is a matter of semantics.
I had a similar drinking pattern to you, go out a few times on the weekends, but inevitably I would black out and drink just to get drunk. I started to see a therapist, went to some AA meetings and it really put everything in perspective. This is my 16th day of sobriety and I am starting to feel like myself again. The self-loathing due to wondering what I had done when blacked out is disappearing. I'll never forget the people I hurt emotionally with my drinking, and when confronted with the desire to drink I think about what I put them through.
I'm glad you came here, it's only the beginning, but from someone who's pretty new to recovery...trust me it gets easier.
I had a similar drinking pattern to you, go out a few times on the weekends, but inevitably I would black out and drink just to get drunk. I started to see a therapist, went to some AA meetings and it really put everything in perspective. This is my 16th day of sobriety and I am starting to feel like myself again. The self-loathing due to wondering what I had done when blacked out is disappearing. I'll never forget the people I hurt emotionally with my drinking, and when confronted with the desire to drink I think about what I put them through.
I'm glad you came here, it's only the beginning, but from someone who's pretty new to recovery...trust me it gets easier.
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Welcome to SR You've found a wonderful supportive community, here! I agree, it has nothing to do with how often you drink, it's about what happens when you do drink.
I struggled with the thoughts and acceptance of never being able to pick up another drink ever in my life...but I did get there and it did take a while. During the past 10 years of active addiction as I switched from one substance to another, I tried numerous times to quit for someone else. Family, friends...everyone BUT myself. It failed miserable each and everytime. You must have the desire and commitment to quit solely for YOU.
Self control for the addict is non-existant. Our brains do not understand the concept of moderation or cutting back. Addiction is a progressive disease and I am happy to see you here reaching out for help when you are so young. That's a huge step.
Having a bf/spouse/gf/so - whatever the case may be - that is actively using/drinking while you are working on or considering recovery, is going to prove to be very hard.
There's a lot of wonderful advice on here and I hope that you keep coming back - we'll be here! You CAN do this
Best of luck to you Johnson!
-Jess
You've found a wonderful supportive community, here! I agree, it has nothing to do with how often you drink, it's about what happens when you do drink. I struggled with the thoughts and acceptance of never being able to pick up another drink ever in my life...but I did get there and it did take a while. During the past 10 years of active addiction as I switched from one substance to another, I tried numerous times to quit for someone else. Family, friends...everyone BUT myself. It failed miserable each and everytime. You must have the desire and commitment to quit solely for YOU.
Self control for the addict is non-existant. Our brains do not understand the concept of moderation or cutting back. Addiction is a progressive disease and I am happy to see you here reaching out for help when you are so young. That's a huge step.
Having a bf/spouse/gf/so - whatever the case may be - that is actively using/drinking while you are working on or considering recovery, is going to prove to be very hard.
There's a lot of wonderful advice on here and I hope that you keep coming back - we'll be here! You CAN do this
Best of luck to you Johnson!
-Jess
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Poulsbo, WA
Posts: 6
I'm worried my boyfriend actively drinking right now is going to mess things up. When I have to pick him up drunk it makes me feel resentful and want to drink again. Is there anything I can do to help myself not want to drink when I see he is/has been.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
If you truly want to live sober, it will have to be the most important thing in your life. More important than your boyfriend even. You will have to change people, places and things in your life if you hope to have success. We're here to help you if you decide that is what you want.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by johnson6521
I'm worried my boyfriend actively drinking right now is going to mess things up. When I have to pick him up drunk it makes me feel resentful and want to drink again. Is there anything I can do to help myself not want to drink when I see he is/has been.
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