theuncertainty

It was a rough weekend, for several reasons. And I now have something stuck in my head that won't rattle out of it. I hesitate to post it because it's so not about my recovery, but his and I don't think there really is an answer. But I can't let it go...

Can XAH actually be successful in pursuing recovery if he's still hanging out with his drinking/using buddies? (Those friends are still drinking and using.) I can't complain that XAH is hanging out with them while he has DS because his GF is there to supervise the visits per court order. But... Are his chances of getting/staying sober lessened by staying with these friends?

I ask this and fully acknowledge that I'm of 2 minds about it: It would be wonderful for DS if his dad gets/stays sober - i.e. does something more than just white-knuckling it. But then, the other side of my mind screams that the abusive a--hat does not deserve time with our wonderful son, that even when he's not drinking, he's going to teach DS to be abusive. If XAH relapses again - enough to PO the GF and she reports it like she is supposed to, the court might put more stringent requirements in place to protect DS further.

So, I don't know which *answer* I hope to get....

Thumper

Good question.

My xah was in an inpatient recovery and then still very immersed in outpatient recovery for 3+ months and decided his best option was to leave that and move in with his brother. There are two men (one a very active alcoholic, one newly sober), one house, zero jobs. They live in town of 800 people and 6 bars. Oh yeah, great decision.

I don't know what he was thinking. Actually, after knowing him for 16yrs I have a good idea but that is speculation and I'm taking speculating about what he's thinking off my hobby list, haha, so I'm restraining myself.

I can't say it sounds like a good idea for your ex or mine though. I do know I firmly hope for the stay sober and recovered answer though. I have some older kids and the pain in their eyes is heartbreaking at times.

I haven't had 2 hours away from work and 4 kids since before Thanksgiving and am gasping for breath here but am afraid to send them to that house so I guess I keep putting one foot in front of the other and wait to see what happens there.

PurpleWilder

There is a saying in recovery circles that says, "If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you are gonna get a haircut".

If he insists on hanging around with people who drink addictively, then chances are he will pick it right back up again. I mean, look at it this way - if you decided to give up chocolate and then starting hanging out with a bunch of people who worked in a chocolate factory, how long do you think you could hold out?

Tuffgirl

I was very bothered when I found out my RAH was still associating with his drinking buddies and his pot dealer. And then I moved out.

Now I don't care.

But you have a son to consider. And no, I don't think one can hang around people partaking in the very behaviors they are trying to give up. Could you? Let's say you decided to give up chocolate for 30 days, yet hung out with your best friends who ate chocolate everyday; carried it around in their purse; told you how good their chocolate was. How many days before you caved?

I think you have a right to let this worry rattle around your head right now. JMHO.