hope2be

I was doing OK for a small space in time, which I was grateful for....until yesterday when my AD dropped in with her new "flavor of the month" friend. She caught me off guard and it sent me into a tail spin. She stated she wanted to see her daughter and I told her she couldn't just drop in.
However, I know too well that boundaries are nothing but empty space to an addict...it's all about what they want and they want it now.

I've been so busy at work and taking care of business when off that I have spent minimal time on my recovery and paid a price for it yesterday.

In a matter of seconds I was angry, tired, disgusted and it stayed with me until this morning. Didn't sleep well and am obsessing about all this morning.

So once again, I turn to my SR family for support, advice. I've done some reading this morning, but my mind is spinning and nothing is sticking.

Chino

The fastest way off the crazy train for me is to find solutions first, then get busy doing something else and let it go. You know you've ignored your own recovery, so a good place to start is to recommit to it. It may feel like you're starting all over again and in some ways you are. But you'll remember the previous things you learned and it won't be as frustrating. It's kind of like riding a bike. Try starting with the first step, accepting that you're powerless, and say it as many times as you need.

Kindeyes

hope2be
This recovery stuff is not a perfect science. We have good days. We have bad days. We have days where we are firmly grounded in our program and we have days when we feel like we've lost touch with it.

So.....what's the good news. Why bother? For me, I find that I have more good days than bad days now. I have more time living and less time obsessing. I can sleep. I can work and concentrate. These are the rewards for working my program. And when I backslide....I recover more quickly.

They say "it works if you work it" and it does.

My AS can really knock me off track sometimes but I'm like one of those blow up punching bags from my childhood. He can knock me off track but I can bounce right back up. In the past, he's been able to knock me over, sit on me and keep me there. lol

I look at these interfaces with my AS now as opportunities to practice what I've learned. When I employ the principals of my recovery, the interfaces go better and they don't get me down for long. And when I need an extended break from contact with him, I make it happen.

Don't beat yourself up for slipping a little bit. You recognized it and that's HUGE! For a long time, I couldn't even identify the problem! You're ok.....really.

gentle hugs
ke

keepinon

Hang in there..keeponkeepinon..