departure

Just got back from a 2nd meeting. I still don't know what I'm doing or how far gone my problem is, but I owe it to myself and my family to look into it. I felt I needed to share what brought me to meeting #1 because I didn't then (too emotionally raw) - I needed to verbalize it to someone else (in real life and not just here) and I wanted to do it in a safe place. It didn't feel good waiting to do it or while I was speaking, but I felt a bit lighter after I left the room.

Still not drinking and plan to make it through the weekend without alcohol.

Anna

Hi Departure,

I'm glad that you're seeking support.

CarolD

I can't think of a reason I'd ever choose to leave AA
It''s been an awesome adventure in how to live sober
and enjoy it......

I'm pleased you are willing to go and share
there may have been someone there who needed to hear you.

Ghostlight

Congratulations on your meetings! It's a great start. Just fake it until you make it, if you have to. That's what I did.
Eventualy, I became more comfortable.

I really hope the meetings help you.

departure

Thanks everyone! It has helped so far. One of the ways it has helped is because I actively doing something and putting it out there and not just keeping it in my head.

The general topic was fear. I admitted that I was afraid of the reason why I was there. I hope something I said helped someone - if nothing more than to remind them of how it feels in the beginning and to be afraid and unsure. I am probably getting more than I am giving right now, but that's just the way it goes, I guess.

jessiecat777

hi...well just be proud you had the guts to go...my relapses in the past prevent me from even showing my face this time around...but i feel better just being welcomed here:-)

FrothyJay

The idea that you must go into a meeting after a relapse and "own up" is silly. Just go to your meetings. It's no one's business, other than you and someone you trust, where you are with your sobriety. People ask where you've been, you say "busy."

AA meetings were not created to keep attendence and an accurate record of who is sober and who is not, and how much time people have. It's just BS that crept into AA and, as you are showing, drives away people who need the program.

It's your meeting. Go to it, drunk or sober, but go.

jessiecat777

hey thanks for your words of confidence and yes i seem to have alot of issues with facing up this time...that is why i was so happy and grateful that the internet can possibly give me the confidence to go to physical meetings....but until then i am going to accept all feedback on here...knowledge is power i believe....and even though i didn't go to the meeting all the stuff i had learned in going to them over the years gave me the strength to stay clean and sober this time around. And really when they say you will think of your a's when you are out there and it will haunt you highs...they weren't kidding and now that i have a clear mind to let everything soak in.....i won't fight it this time...one day at a time

Zebra1275

Now go to meeting #3 tomorrow!