RAH calls Alanon...A Brainwashing Witch Hunt...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
RAH calls Alanon...A Brainwashing Witch Hunt...
RAH calls today. He wants to talk about MY kids (his step kids) and
I told him, that will no longer be a conversation with me...
He replied "Well, I have helped raise them since they were little"
I told him "Well, Thank You, your job is now complete"
He replied, "WTH? are those alanon people teaching you? It sounds like
a big brainwashing witch hunt to me. What do they do, sit around
and tell you to dump my ass?"
OMG...The poor me crap...
I told him, that will no longer be a conversation with me...
He replied "Well, I have helped raise them since they were little"
I told him "Well, Thank You, your job is now complete"
He replied, "WTH? are those alanon people teaching you? It sounds like
a big brainwashing witch hunt to me. What do they do, sit around
and tell you to dump my ass?"
OMG...The poor me crap...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
HAHAHA so many A's think that! Like the speaker I saw the other day, who was thankful that his wife had never been to Alanon. If he only knew how he would be forced to stand on his own two feet if she was in her own recovery.
I've heard that a couple times, how A's think that all we talk about in those rooms is how we can s**t on the A in our lives. If the were absorbing any of their OWN recovery in AA, they would know how the programs are so similar, and how it works. But then again, they are sick, and will blame anything if they don't get their way.
Good for you for not engaging!
I've heard that a couple times, how A's think that all we talk about in those rooms is how we can s**t on the A in our lives. If the were absorbing any of their OWN recovery in AA, they would know how the programs are so similar, and how it works. But then again, they are sick, and will blame anything if they don't get their way.
Good for you for not engaging!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
BobbyJ-Good for you holding your ground with RAH.
I'm getting the poor me stuff-Just got the 2nd "I miss you" email from EXABF in which he says (among other things) "I felt that you went to Alanon to understand addiction".... The whole email shifted the blame all on me, my issues, not once mentioning that he was drinking when all of this stuff happened three weeks ago.
I went to AL-Anon for me, for my recovery. I've also got the same line as your RAH gives you about brainwashing-that they were there to advise me to break up with him. My ex says the same about AA (they're a cult) and that's why he refuses to attend.
What they fear is that we are embracing recovery, learning to set boundaries, to say no, to understand manipulation, blame shifting, all of their "brainwashing techniques" and how to deal with them.
I detached by going no contact and hard as it has been not to hit that "reply" button and let loose, I have stood my ground. I'm not getting back on the crazy train only to be derailed by him once more.
Hang in there, BobbyJ!
Big hugs coming from me and puppy dog to you.....
I'm getting the poor me stuff-Just got the 2nd "I miss you" email from EXABF in which he says (among other things) "I felt that you went to Alanon to understand addiction".... The whole email shifted the blame all on me, my issues, not once mentioning that he was drinking when all of this stuff happened three weeks ago.
I went to AL-Anon for me, for my recovery. I've also got the same line as your RAH gives you about brainwashing-that they were there to advise me to break up with him. My ex says the same about AA (they're a cult) and that's why he refuses to attend.
What they fear is that we are embracing recovery, learning to set boundaries, to say no, to understand manipulation, blame shifting, all of their "brainwashing techniques" and how to deal with them.
I detached by going no contact and hard as it has been not to hit that "reply" button and let loose, I have stood my ground. I'm not getting back on the crazy train only to be derailed by him once more.
Hang in there, BobbyJ!
Big hugs coming from me and puppy dog to you.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 76
I have to say that as a recovering alcoholic in AA, as well as someone who lives with an alcoholic, my empathy is firmly in the Al-anon camp. I can't believe the BS that alcoholics dish out (even if they're in recovery apparently). I'm finding the path to health far more difficult from this side of the fence than it is to continue moving forward in my recovery from addiction.
My hats off to all of you - you're teaching me so much on these boards about the importance of healing..
My hats off to all of you - you're teaching me so much on these boards about the importance of healing..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 103
Ugh, my RAH is doing this with my therapist instead of Al-Anon. Thinks she's turning me against him, haven't helped me at all, etc. Nope, I'm just learning to be healthier through Al-Anon and my therapist. It's just not working in your favor.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Remarkable isn't it how the "focus on your own recovery" doesn't apply to the A when they want to judge and be paranoid about what goes on in al anon.
I've received all the same quacking from my "R"(not)AH and have invited him to come to al anon since his father and brother are both alcoholics. He refuses to of course and says it's not bc he doesn't want to but bc I have "poisoned" the group against him. SURE!
I've received all the same quacking from my "R"(not)AH and have invited him to come to al anon since his father and brother are both alcoholics. He refuses to of course and says it's not bc he doesn't want to but bc I have "poisoned" the group against him. SURE!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
My sponsor tells a different story/
When her RAH had a major relapse just out of rehab, she feared for her safety, she locked him out, changed the locks, and shut off her phone.
he went to the streets, living in his car for a few weeks.
She was a mess. Scared, guilty. ...How could she do this?
Her alanon group was not enough, at the time, she said, she needed to know more.
She went to an AA meeting of known old timers, across town, where she knew her A would not have gone.
She was crying uncontrollably and was asked to speak.
She told how he tried, and he relapsed, and how he was still committed to recovery, but was struggling, and was manipulative, and had become physical with her,
She cried and spoke. They listened silently, and when she was done speaking, she expected silence.
But they applauded her,and hugged her. And told her she was brave.
they were old timers. They got it.
BTW, he got back to the program, is 9 years sober. they both work their programs and have 2 kids.
When her RAH had a major relapse just out of rehab, she feared for her safety, she locked him out, changed the locks, and shut off her phone.
he went to the streets, living in his car for a few weeks.
She was a mess. Scared, guilty. ...How could she do this?
Her alanon group was not enough, at the time, she said, she needed to know more.
She went to an AA meeting of known old timers, across town, where she knew her A would not have gone.
She was crying uncontrollably and was asked to speak.
She told how he tried, and he relapsed, and how he was still committed to recovery, but was struggling, and was manipulative, and had become physical with her,
She cried and spoke. They listened silently, and when she was done speaking, she expected silence.
But they applauded her,and hugged her. And told her she was brave.
they were old timers. They got it.
BTW, he got back to the program, is 9 years sober. they both work their programs and have 2 kids.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Awesome...
God they hate it when they can no longer control us. Good for you.
He's a ****-ing idiot. How much helping did his drunk ass do? I'm fairly certain he hurt a whole lot more than he helped.
I loved reading your post. Strong women rock.
Thanks,
Cyranoak
He's a ****-ing idiot. How much helping did his drunk ass do? I'm fairly certain he hurt a whole lot more than he helped.
I loved reading your post. Strong women rock.
Thanks,
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I saw such business from my EX as that of fish thrashing in the bottom of a boat. One last attempt at getting back to his sense of normalcy tugging against reality.
I never told my EX I was studying the twelve steps or seeking recovery, though I spent a lot of time wanting to make such an announcement. He certainly would have thrown it in my face is the same pedestrian way. I don't regret keeping it to myself one bit.
Good for you for not engaging in the quacking or in may case, in the thrashing!
Alice
I never told my EX I was studying the twelve steps or seeking recovery, though I spent a lot of time wanting to make such an announcement. He certainly would have thrown it in my face is the same pedestrian way. I don't regret keeping it to myself one bit.
Good for you for not engaging in the quacking or in may case, in the thrashing!
Alice
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,360
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
My sponsor tells a different story/
When her RAH had a major relapse just out of rehab, she feared for her safety, she locked him out, changed the locks, and shut off her phone.
he went to the streets, living in his car for a few weeks.
She was a mess. Scared, guilty. ...How could she do this?
Her alanon group was not enough, at the time, she said, she needed to know more.
She went to an AA meeting of known old timers, across town, where she knew her A would not have gone.
She was crying uncontrollably and was asked to speak.
She told how he tried, and he relapsed, and how he was still committed to recovery, but was struggling, and was manipulative, and had become physical with her,
She cried and spoke. They listened silently, and when she was done speaking, she expected silence.
But they applauded her,and hugged her. And told her she was brave.
they were old timers. They got it.
BTW, he got back to the program, is 9 years sober. they both work their programs and have 2 kids.
When her RAH had a major relapse just out of rehab, she feared for her safety, she locked him out, changed the locks, and shut off her phone.
he went to the streets, living in his car for a few weeks.
She was a mess. Scared, guilty. ...How could she do this?
Her alanon group was not enough, at the time, she said, she needed to know more.
She went to an AA meeting of known old timers, across town, where she knew her A would not have gone.
She was crying uncontrollably and was asked to speak.
She told how he tried, and he relapsed, and how he was still committed to recovery, but was struggling, and was manipulative, and had become physical with her,
She cried and spoke. They listened silently, and when she was done speaking, she expected silence.
But they applauded her,and hugged her. And told her she was brave.
they were old timers. They got it.
BTW, he got back to the program, is 9 years sober. they both work their programs and have 2 kids.
Thank You!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Just had to update you on my witch hunt (Its' almost funny)
The brainwashing witch hunt must be really bothering my RAH.
He calls again today, "Lets talk about this"
I replied "WTH are you talking about?"
He replies "Your witch hunt friends"
I replied "Well, I have a new set of friends and I just love them"
He replies "Oh, thats good, they are good hearted people, just like in AA.
Im thinking since my day off is tomorrow, maybe I will go see if I can find
a AA class around here"
I replied "Oh, that would be nice. Well, gotta go. Talk to you later"
((15 minutes)) later I get a text from him that reads:
I have read the big blue book 2 times and my favorite paragraph is on 417.
Nothing absolutely nothing happens without God.
((30 minutes)) I get another text from him that reads..
"Oh, meet some friends today, if its nice tomorrow, we are going to take
off on the Harley's"
So, Im thinking the bar must be 45 minutes from his job?? LOL
The brainwashing witch hunt must be really bothering my RAH.
He calls again today, "Lets talk about this"
I replied "WTH are you talking about?"
He replies "Your witch hunt friends"
I replied "Well, I have a new set of friends and I just love them"
He replies "Oh, thats good, they are good hearted people, just like in AA.
Im thinking since my day off is tomorrow, maybe I will go see if I can find
a AA class around here"
I replied "Oh, that would be nice. Well, gotta go. Talk to you later"
((15 minutes)) later I get a text from him that reads:
I have read the big blue book 2 times and my favorite paragraph is on 417.
Nothing absolutely nothing happens without God.
((30 minutes)) I get another text from him that reads..
"Oh, meet some friends today, if its nice tomorrow, we are going to take
off on the Harley's"
So, Im thinking the bar must be 45 minutes from his job?? LOL
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