pixilation

Discovered last night that I am, of course, the reason he is drinking. Why? Because I won't put out. That's the reason he is spending all of his paychecks stupidly, why he does nothing but play on his phone, sleep or drink while he's home, etc. Huh, I had no idea I was THAT influential over him! Oh, and he's "going to look elsewhere" for it soon. I wanted to scream, "good, you go find the next victim then."

On a side note, he admitted last night that he did purposely sabotage the last job I had, and all but admitted he's going to do it to this job too. He did it with the last job by doing the bare minimum of child care he could get away with, and none of the cleaning, etc. that he would be asked to do(well, towards the end of the job that is) He thinks that's going to work this time. No, it is NOT! One, I have alternative plans a few times a week for the younger kids, two, I won't let it happen, 3, I have 5-7 weeks left here, so not enough time to influence the job(first night is tonight! I need to go get some more dayquil so I can make it thru the shift without coughing)

Oh, and he did say last night that he "knows" the only reason I got a job was to move out. That kinda freaked me out a bit, I'll admit.

Buffalo66

I am glad you have a plan to leave.

This man is being abusive.
As if, given everything, you would want to kiss the mouth that all that crap spews from.

barb dwyer

And now you have your proof
(he admits he sabotaged your last job)

see to it he can't do that with this one.

You're doing great!

pixilation

I am, Thursdays the kids are going to be with my sister, and we're working it out so they'll be with my mom for at least one of the other nights(maybe 2 nights) it's only an "issue" when AH is home, 3 of 4 weeks of the month he isn't home in the evenings. 15yo is also capable of watching his brothers, but I don't want to make him do it too much, either, and it's not fair for him to take care of his brothers while watching his father getting smashed. It'll be easier once I'm in town too, more of a babysitting pool I can draw on(lots of other relatives, and friends)Just have to work with it the way it is for a few more weeks.

Now that I'm positive about the job(had to wait for the background and drug test) I can start calling about apartments. the one sublet I thought was perfect, the renter turned out really flakey. I've just got two requirements, security building, and garden level.

barb dwyer

and reading what you're writing now 'feels' better,
know what I mean?

there's a plan.
there's a means.

it just ... 'feels' better.

kittykitty

Glad he gave you the heads up on his plans, so you can be prepared. Sounds like you already are!

Yeah, I never understood the whole not putting out thing. It was so difficult to get the point across, that I am in no way shape of form attracted to you at this time. Watching someone drink, smoke pot, gain weight and sink into the couch is not the least bit of a turn on. They just don't get it, part of the addiction I guess. When I think of the nights he would look at me, slur out the words I love you will you marry me for the 15th time, with his eyes half open and barely able to stand up, I felt pity i guess. I think that was when my feelings started to change, from being in love with him, to just feeling bad for him. Another gut feeling I ignored for too many months.

So glad to hear that you are on the right track!

pixilation

I thought he got it when I yelled at him months ago(when he was in the middle of a rant at me, and I engaged) that I thought he was disgusting. Apparently showering once a week, bubba beer belly, a$$hole, amongst other things isn't enough of a reason for me "not" to want him. Denial runs deep with him.

MyBetterWorld

Yeah, I got that spew/quack of "why don't we ever have sex" also. Gross. I think that is a pretty common thing. That was also the reason (one of them) why he drank. So I wonder why he drank before I came along, since it was all my fault? LOL. Sounds like you know the drill and pretty soon he will be nothing more than an occasional annoyance. Yay for you!

StarCat

According to XABF, I am a self-centered devil-worshiping lesbian nun who will do anything she can to make his life a living nightmare.

I've been learning now that his "quacking" is an insight into his convoluted alcoholic brain, and the thought process there. Everything is meant to hurt or manipulate, and I am supposed to be the perfect woman, read his mind to determine his every whim, and never whisper a word of my own feelings and needs.

Forget that! I've since "returned" him, and upgraded to a kitten instead. <3

returntonormal

Congratulations Pixilation.

My AH does this too. All the time. If he's not ranting about not having sex, he is sighing about how hard done he is by my "complete lack of interest in sex" and "maybe you should see a doctor". I'm not sure whether the moaning or the yelling is more annoying, but I do have to laugh because he just doesn't seem to get what a turn-off it is to watch him drink and act like a d*ck. Oh, he also doesn't understand that it might take 3-4 days to get over it, either.

PurpleWilder

If putting out equals not drinking, then explain Las Vegas.....

What a bunch of crap.

Alone22

Gee go figure why we would not want sex! Can't be the bad attitude and nasty comments..nah. Must be something wrong with us...lol Nothing makes me want it more than being ignored, or arguing about stupid random stuff and having the smell of alcohol fill the room....NOT.

nodaybut2day

Pixilation, I'm so glad things are slowly falling into place, both emotionally and logistically. Soon you'll be free of this b.s.

whereisthisgoin

Just last week my A said not putting out was a form of abuse. I could hardly reply - in fact, I think I just looked at him like WTH?

LS2

Oh yeah I heard that I was abusive too and not normal because I didn't want to have sex. It's all about them.

pixilation

Oh, the best part about the job? It's a security building, so there is no way he'll be able to get in and "find" me. If he ever happens to be outside when I get off of work, I'll just call either security(mostly for advice there) or 911 to deal with him.

nodaybut2day

ROFL!!! Abuse??? Apparently he's never had his partner throw things at his head, yell in his face for hours starting at 2 a.m. or threaten him with a knife!

pixilation

first night at work went okay, I only worked for 90 minutes(mostly just showing me the cleaning route, and everything I will be doing) it was a blessing to only work that long though, because then I took myself into urgent care. Now I have couch syrup(with codeine, with did help me sleep) and an antibiotic. My fever appeared to break sometime last night/early this morning, so I hope that means it's all working already.

full night of work tonight, I hope I'm up for it. I think as long as I bring my big water bottle and plenty of cough drops, I'll be okay. the kids are excited to go to the "sitter".

StarCat

Good for you, pixilation!
I'm glad you're feeling better, as well.
Good luck tonight!