TakingCharge999

So my mom has been depressed for decades (she calls it "feeling tired")

I just realized she often tells me (even without me bringing up the topic)

"I will no longer be like this, I will do X and Y, I will make more friends and I will take care of myself this time! I promise!"



Then I see her again and her eyes are still sad and she is no longer taking her daily walks and has not socialized and her clothes are old/dirty and do not match, and nothing has changed.


I realize where I learned about empty promises and it is outstanding they are ongoing. No wonder I chose XABF. His actions were what I have known. Abandonment towards self and towards supposedly "loved ones".

It hurts but I am taking this as a way to feel compassion for myself and also to disengage and go "that was then, TC999 is someone entirely different now"


So of course I made mistakes and days like today, some intense feelings arise but am able to realize its just a phase where I am understanding where I am coming from....

I got correspondence from my mom saying among other things "I am no longer tired!" and I know its just words....

I can't heal her, either... finally, it sinks in.



Thank you for letting me share.

starlight40

Isn't it a great feeling when another piece of the puzzle that makes us who we are comes into view?
Ofcourse its also mixed with a bit of pain, but what a wonderful insight you have found!

I also had an aha moment the other day. In terms of my ah/ga father.
I had been so busy trying to put out the most immediate fires my whole life with him, that it wasn't until the other day (after not speaking to him for 2 yrs) that I realized he has been closet drinking all these years as well!
It doesn't change anything, just another piece of my puzzle.

And remember...with every lightbulb moment, you spirit burns brighter!