New Around Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Silicon Valley, USA
Posts: 7
New Around Here
Good Evening to everyone on the board –
I’m new around here. Apologies for the rambling post, but I needed to vent off a little bit…
I wrote the post, below, to a different website, before I found SR (including it for background). It has been 9 weeks since I wrote that, right when I stopped drinking. Since writing that, I learned that I’m having little problem with booze during social events (parties, going to bars,etc…) – I’m perfectly good with a Club Soda with limes – I’m pleasantly, shockingly surprised, in fact. Where it gets me is in the odd hours of life – like a 3 hour layover at Las Vegas airport (or DFW, or ORD – it doesn’t matter). In the old days…well…we all can guess where I’d be in the old days – I’d be helping the bar turn over its inventory. Now…there’s nothing to do. The time I used to spend drinking is sort of empty – while I’m a voracious reader, I can only read for so long before I want to do something else. When I’m at home, there are other projects and stuff that I can do, but when I’m on the road (especially in an airport) it’s a lot harder.
Also, I’ve noticed that booze is just pervasive in society: Magazine ads, billboards, TV commercials in addition to displays in the stores. Hell, when I was riding my bike to a meeting last night, I went past two streets in different towns that are known for their bars and restaurants and I couldn’t help but to think about the old days when I could cruise in and get nice and toasty. I was sitting at a stoplight in another part of town and right there was a sports bar…oohh, wouldn’t it be great to duck in for about 6 quick beers, then ride home? See – it’s everywhere, and I never noticed it before.
The problem I find is that now I’m so exposed when something goes wrong. Before, if something went south on me, I could go home, tank up and have a good ol’ time – put on some Jimmy Buffett, sing along and try to strum the guitar. Now: Nothing. Case in point, in the past month, I had a relationship fail on me (it was on life support; we just pulled the plug, and no, it was not due to booze), a professional set back (again, not due to booze), and most recently, I just did my taxes and the IRS pretty much handed me my ass. Now I’m thinking: Oh, happy day! I’m so f**king glad I’m able to experience all this, sober! It’s like standing in the middle of an open field and there is no where to run to for shelter.
Mind you, I’m cognizant of the fact that booze would not have solved any of the above problems. Even if I were able to go get my drink on, the relationship would have still been failed, the professional stuff still would have remained, and I would still be writing a huge check to the IRS…I’d just be hungover and filled with shame and regret whilst doing it all (see? I am learning!
)
I find that I’m fortunate in that I’m not a white-knuckle alcoholic as I am more of a binge drinker. That said, more recently, I’ve just had all kinds of thoughts of anger and frustration that I just needed to get out, so I started going to meetings. True I could talk to my friends, but a) they don’t have the problem I have, and b) they don’t think I have a problem. So meetings it is – and I’m good with that.
Anyway, nice meeting you all…I’m sure we’ll be chatting….DBS
Below is the original post I wrote to experienceproject.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I have not wrecked my car. I have not lost my job. I have not destroyed any relationships. A judge is not ordering me to do this, nor is this the function of some ultimatum. The last drink I had was a week ago, when I had one beer with dinner. The last time I was drunk was three weeks prior, when I went to the Willie Nelson concert in SF. I liken this to the scene in Forrest Gump when, after weeks of running, he just stops.
Now, where to begin. I started my drinking career around 20 years ago. In the early years, it was about getting drunk as fast as I could (much like my friends around me). As time progressed, things slowed down a bit as I didn’t need to get so drunk so fast anymore (it was nice to not puke every time I drank). Then more time progressed and – to quote Hank Williams, Jr. - “The hangovers hurt more than they used to,” so I slowed down some more. There have been some very bad years when I crawled into the bottle because that’s all there was, it seemed. But I’ve gotten away from that and am now in a pretty good place. I drink socially now for the most part, though some times I’m more “social” than others, but it’s not all the time.
Here’s the problem: The past few times I was *ahem* “over served”, I woke up the next morning feeling ashamed. Mind you, I did nothing bad the night before: Did not drive, did not wake up in the library naked, did not do anything stupid, and did not offend anyone. In fact, the folks I was with the night before informed me that I was highly entertaining and they enjoyed it.
All I did was just drink too much.
I’m typically unable to shake the guilt and shame for the bulk of the day, which is distressing. But, this has gotten me to thinking: Is it time to hang up my drinking shoes?
It’s a big step. A lot of people around me know me as a drinker. They’ll still love me and accept me, regardless of what I do, but it will be a change, and some won’t understand. This is partially a function of the fact that I’ve viewed myself as a drinker and thus have chosen my friends accordingly.
Also, there’s the social aspect: I’ve been the DD a few times in my life, and to be perfectly honest, it absolutely sucks being the only sober one in the room. I don’t like the feeling of being left out of all of the fun. Further, it’s a little awkward when a friend invites you out for a beer and he’s drinking a beer and you’re not.
The potential for boredom does spook me a bit. Not just standard home alone boredom, but boredom due to lack of options at meals and such. I don’t drink soda’s anymore (gave those up in August 2009), insomnia keeps me from drinking iced tea in the afternoons and I don’t like the sugar in fruit juices, so I’m down to a) water and b) sparkling water. Neither of which really enhances the flavor of Mexican food the way a Corona does.
Then there’s also the finality of it all. I’m 39 and with following seas and a tail wind, I reckon I have about 40 more years left. That’s a mighty long time to stay straight. Further, I’m afraid of having to explain myself should I start drinking again (I do realize that I really do not owe anyone explanations, but still…).
Lastly, sometimes, when the weather is right, I just want to drink beer! Sparkling water just doesn’t scratch that itch.
I guess the hard thing is that I’ve always seen myself as a drinker. I sail and SCUBA dive and my musical hero is Jimmy Buffett. Booze just sort of goes along with it all. In fact, there is a picture of me on a sailboat – one hand is on the tiller, and the other is holding a beer; this is how I see myself. So, just not drinking is proving to be difficult to reconcile.
I’m new around here. Apologies for the rambling post, but I needed to vent off a little bit…
I wrote the post, below, to a different website, before I found SR (including it for background). It has been 9 weeks since I wrote that, right when I stopped drinking. Since writing that, I learned that I’m having little problem with booze during social events (parties, going to bars,etc…) – I’m perfectly good with a Club Soda with limes – I’m pleasantly, shockingly surprised, in fact. Where it gets me is in the odd hours of life – like a 3 hour layover at Las Vegas airport (or DFW, or ORD – it doesn’t matter). In the old days…well…we all can guess where I’d be in the old days – I’d be helping the bar turn over its inventory. Now…there’s nothing to do. The time I used to spend drinking is sort of empty – while I’m a voracious reader, I can only read for so long before I want to do something else. When I’m at home, there are other projects and stuff that I can do, but when I’m on the road (especially in an airport) it’s a lot harder.
Also, I’ve noticed that booze is just pervasive in society: Magazine ads, billboards, TV commercials in addition to displays in the stores. Hell, when I was riding my bike to a meeting last night, I went past two streets in different towns that are known for their bars and restaurants and I couldn’t help but to think about the old days when I could cruise in and get nice and toasty. I was sitting at a stoplight in another part of town and right there was a sports bar…oohh, wouldn’t it be great to duck in for about 6 quick beers, then ride home? See – it’s everywhere, and I never noticed it before.
The problem I find is that now I’m so exposed when something goes wrong. Before, if something went south on me, I could go home, tank up and have a good ol’ time – put on some Jimmy Buffett, sing along and try to strum the guitar. Now: Nothing. Case in point, in the past month, I had a relationship fail on me (it was on life support; we just pulled the plug, and no, it was not due to booze), a professional set back (again, not due to booze), and most recently, I just did my taxes and the IRS pretty much handed me my ass. Now I’m thinking: Oh, happy day! I’m so f**king glad I’m able to experience all this, sober! It’s like standing in the middle of an open field and there is no where to run to for shelter.
Mind you, I’m cognizant of the fact that booze would not have solved any of the above problems. Even if I were able to go get my drink on, the relationship would have still been failed, the professional stuff still would have remained, and I would still be writing a huge check to the IRS…I’d just be hungover and filled with shame and regret whilst doing it all (see? I am learning!
) I find that I’m fortunate in that I’m not a white-knuckle alcoholic as I am more of a binge drinker. That said, more recently, I’ve just had all kinds of thoughts of anger and frustration that I just needed to get out, so I started going to meetings. True I could talk to my friends, but a) they don’t have the problem I have, and b) they don’t think I have a problem. So meetings it is – and I’m good with that.
Anyway, nice meeting you all…I’m sure we’ll be chatting….DBS
Below is the original post I wrote to experienceproject.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I have not wrecked my car. I have not lost my job. I have not destroyed any relationships. A judge is not ordering me to do this, nor is this the function of some ultimatum. The last drink I had was a week ago, when I had one beer with dinner. The last time I was drunk was three weeks prior, when I went to the Willie Nelson concert in SF. I liken this to the scene in Forrest Gump when, after weeks of running, he just stops.
Now, where to begin. I started my drinking career around 20 years ago. In the early years, it was about getting drunk as fast as I could (much like my friends around me). As time progressed, things slowed down a bit as I didn’t need to get so drunk so fast anymore (it was nice to not puke every time I drank). Then more time progressed and – to quote Hank Williams, Jr. - “The hangovers hurt more than they used to,” so I slowed down some more. There have been some very bad years when I crawled into the bottle because that’s all there was, it seemed. But I’ve gotten away from that and am now in a pretty good place. I drink socially now for the most part, though some times I’m more “social” than others, but it’s not all the time.
Here’s the problem: The past few times I was *ahem* “over served”, I woke up the next morning feeling ashamed. Mind you, I did nothing bad the night before: Did not drive, did not wake up in the library naked, did not do anything stupid, and did not offend anyone. In fact, the folks I was with the night before informed me that I was highly entertaining and they enjoyed it.
All I did was just drink too much.
I’m typically unable to shake the guilt and shame for the bulk of the day, which is distressing. But, this has gotten me to thinking: Is it time to hang up my drinking shoes?
It’s a big step. A lot of people around me know me as a drinker. They’ll still love me and accept me, regardless of what I do, but it will be a change, and some won’t understand. This is partially a function of the fact that I’ve viewed myself as a drinker and thus have chosen my friends accordingly.
Also, there’s the social aspect: I’ve been the DD a few times in my life, and to be perfectly honest, it absolutely sucks being the only sober one in the room. I don’t like the feeling of being left out of all of the fun. Further, it’s a little awkward when a friend invites you out for a beer and he’s drinking a beer and you’re not.
The potential for boredom does spook me a bit. Not just standard home alone boredom, but boredom due to lack of options at meals and such. I don’t drink soda’s anymore (gave those up in August 2009), insomnia keeps me from drinking iced tea in the afternoons and I don’t like the sugar in fruit juices, so I’m down to a) water and b) sparkling water. Neither of which really enhances the flavor of Mexican food the way a Corona does.
Then there’s also the finality of it all. I’m 39 and with following seas and a tail wind, I reckon I have about 40 more years left. That’s a mighty long time to stay straight. Further, I’m afraid of having to explain myself should I start drinking again (I do realize that I really do not owe anyone explanations, but still…).
Lastly, sometimes, when the weather is right, I just want to drink beer! Sparkling water just doesn’t scratch that itch.
I guess the hard thing is that I’ve always seen myself as a drinker. I sail and SCUBA dive and my musical hero is Jimmy Buffett. Booze just sort of goes along with it all. In fact, there is a picture of me on a sailboat – one hand is on the tiller, and the other is holding a beer; this is how I see myself. So, just not drinking is proving to be difficult to reconcile.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome DBS - Good to have you here!
Personally, I think you should compose a book in your spare time....... you're quite an engaging writer.
I worried about what to do with myself for a few months, and spent a lot of that down-time here on the forum. I found that the time did start to fill up - I had neglected my yard for a couple years and had put off creating a website for my artwork, so I started there. Slowly I've added things here and there. I think it takes time......
Congratulations on your 9 weeks - that's fantastic! A lot of great people here - hope you stick around!
Personally, I think you should compose a book in your spare time....... you're quite an engaging writer.
I worried about what to do with myself for a few months, and spent a lot of that down-time here on the forum. I found that the time did start to fill up - I had neglected my yard for a couple years and had put off creating a website for my artwork, so I started there. Slowly I've added things here and there. I think it takes time......
Congratulations on your 9 weeks - that's fantastic! A lot of great people here - hope you stick around!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
welcome aboard DBS 
drinking was part of who I was too - but it began to take way more than it added.
Now it's not a part of who I am - and I like this guy a lot more
hope to see you around some more
D
drinking was part of who I was too - but it began to take way more than it added.
Now it's not a part of who I am - and I like this guy a lot more
hope to see you around some more
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
I was a happy drinker, until, I wasn't. I mean, what's a party without a drink, a barbecue without a beer, a vacation on a cruise without champagne? Sober sex???? Not even a glass of wine? Unthinkable.
It's like you have to learn to view and FEEL life in a whole new way and find it satisfying. It takes time.
It's like you have to learn to view and FEEL life in a whole new way and find it satisfying. It takes time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome DBS! Glad to have you aboard
Yup...we have to learn to deal with life sober and when its crappy that sucks...on the flip side when things go well its great...at least it was once it stopped freaking me out
I found therapy (not addiction therapy mind you) essential for figuring life out sober. Plus SR helps a ton!
Glad to see you
Yup...we have to learn to deal with life sober and when its crappy that sucks...on the flip side when things go well its great...at least it was once it stopped freaking me out
I found therapy (not addiction therapy mind you) essential for figuring life out sober. Plus SR helps a ton!
Glad to see you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
Welcome DBS! Good post.
I've found that sobering up hasn't cured all my problems, but how I act out on those problems has changed considerably. I ride a wave of emotions but even in the worst moments I have found some peace or at least a solution to the problem that it doesn't get over blown.
Also I see the beer ads on TV. I've been told when I have that obsession looking at the ad is to follow that beer right on to the bottom of the glass, and the 10 or so that follow, drink them too, and then think about how I would feel the next day. Remembering my last hangover gets me through a beer ad everytime.
I've found that sobering up hasn't cured all my problems, but how I act out on those problems has changed considerably. I ride a wave of emotions but even in the worst moments I have found some peace or at least a solution to the problem that it doesn't get over blown.
Also I see the beer ads on TV. I've been told when I have that obsession looking at the ad is to follow that beer right on to the bottom of the glass, and the 10 or so that follow, drink them too, and then think about how I would feel the next day. Remembering my last hangover gets me through a beer ad everytime.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
I read your posts BDS, sounds similar to my last drinking days.
it's that "invisble line" we cross, the "entertainment" scenario, and beyond!
Yep....,
And the next day we have consequences that were once new and fun.
Then it gets to be like an old worn out record..., nothing changes unless something changes.
It seems you have not lost it all yet, but...some of us have and we know that the party is well and truly over.
Drinking just does not do it anymore, yet we see all around us it seems to be doing it for others.
We try to find it, but ends up in another, "oh noooo, it happened again". So bitter, oh soo bitter, and we drink, or, look for a solution.....
Welcome
it's that "invisble line" we cross, the "entertainment" scenario, and beyond!
Yep....,
And the next day we have consequences that were once new and fun.
Then it gets to be like an old worn out record..., nothing changes unless something changes.
It seems you have not lost it all yet, but...some of us have and we know that the party is well and truly over.
Drinking just does not do it anymore, yet we see all around us it seems to be doing it for others.
We try to find it, but ends up in another, "oh noooo, it happened again". So bitter, oh soo bitter, and we drink, or, look for a solution.....
Welcome
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi DBS, welcome to SR good post. Early on when I stopped drinking it seemed alcohol was everywhere and everyone was drinking but within a year I stopped noticing it so much and realized that I knew more people who didn't drink or rarely drank than those who were more obsessed with drink like myself. Initially I couldn't imagine enjoying anything w/o my wine now I find I enjoy everything 2 or 3 times more sober.
Hope you stick around and post often.
Hope you stick around and post often.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Welcome to SR DBS,
Really "get" the whole Parrothead self image.
Congrats on your 9 weeks !!
Found SR a little over a year ago, ...and maintaining sobriety was easy enough ( I guess) but some of the things life threw at me those first 6 months really, REALLY sucked sometimes.
Just totally accepting how devasting booze was for me in the long, or short run was the key. Gratitude seems to go a long, long way. Anyway, ....just the passage of time, along with actively persuing a program of recovery seems to be "what works" ...again, just my experience.
One new interest so far removed from my old cycle of drinking has been 180* turnaround with physical activity. Big believer in the healthy mind/body concept; .....so that work (enjoyment , actually) seems to go a long way too.
Again, .....welcome to SR and congrats on your early sobriety !
Really "get" the whole Parrothead self image.
Congrats on your 9 weeks !!
Found SR a little over a year ago, ...and maintaining sobriety was easy enough ( I guess) but some of the things life threw at me those first 6 months really, REALLY sucked sometimes.
Just totally accepting how devasting booze was for me in the long, or short run was the key. Gratitude seems to go a long, long way. Anyway, ....just the passage of time, along with actively persuing a program of recovery seems to be "what works" ...again, just my experience.
One new interest so far removed from my old cycle of drinking has been 180* turnaround with physical activity. Big believer in the healthy mind/body concept; .....so that work (enjoyment , actually) seems to go a long way too.
Again, .....welcome to SR and congrats on your early sobriety !
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