stacylove

Hello everyone,

I am just curious how other people feel about this. If my DOC is oxys and I never had a problem with alcohol, but one night I have a glass of wine, this is considered a relapse, yes. I know this. I also know that I now have to start my days over again. The problem is, when this happens, my mind thinks, well "f it" I have already relapsed, I might as well go all out and take some pills too.

Now if I didn't have to start my days over, I may have never taken the pills in the first place, so how do people deal with this?

And I'm curious how other people feel about this and what they have done in the same situation?

Thank you,

PS I didn't take the wine because I wanted the pills either btw.

Latte

Nothing mind altering (caffeine and nicotine excluded) is my rule. For me that means Benedryl, etc. I had to search for an allergy medication that didn't make me tired and nausea meds that didn't make me tired either. It's the only thing that has worked long term. I can't speak for anyone else but I know what my triggers are.

newby1961

Yeah it doesn't matter if its my DOC or not cause my brain doesn't know the difference it just knows it feels that ease and comfort again, and it starts the craving to get more. I treasure my sobriety and it is a gift and very fragile. I went in & out for over 20 years cause I still wanted to get loaded I just didn't want the bad consequences that goes with it. I was also addicted to the lifestyle and people. One of the things they told me when I came in was I was going to have to change everything till I was ready to do that I continued to try and use as normal people do. The thing is I am not normal I am an addict.
As long as you keep coming back hopefuly things will click. Peace

newby1961

I went to another page where Carol posted this from Daily reflections. I thought this was pretty fitting.


GIVING UP INSANITY

. . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38

Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life, and life became unmanageable.

I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism.


Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES

CarolD

Glad you are re starting your sober time...

If I took an oxy recreationally I too
would change my date of sobriety.

Dee74

The thing for me Stacy is...the various drugs and booze I took wasn't actually my problem.

I was the problem - always trying to escape reality, always trying to make myself feel good through getting wasted/getting a buzz, always running away from life.

I needed to deal with why that was the case so I could get better.

And each new drug or type of booze I tried? Eventually I ended up in the same situation. I had no off switch for anything I liked.

If you're like that too, I'll hope you'll be careful in future.

D

LaFemme

Look at It this way...I never had a problem with drugs. I drank. If I smoked pot tomorrow what would you tell me?

phytoman

I smoked pot for years on a nearly daily basis. When I had to quit due to job search and drug testing, I switched to alcohol. I realized after a while that I had a problem with alcohol, but for whatever reason, it took me a long time to realize that there was no difference in why I used pot and why I used alcohol. I haven't smoked pot in a long time, so I guess it's not my current drug of choice, but if I did now, it would certainly be a relapse for me. I don't think it's so much about which drug we use, but rather why and how we use, that defines our disease.

Mark75

Yea, this addictive voice we get inside our heads is insane and messes with us. I know from my own experience and I've been where you are and heard that same thing... "what's the use anyway?" that voice says...

Do you want to get clean? If so, stop listening to it.

keithj

Personally, Stacy, I think this academic exercise is pointless. How we parse clean time won't do a darn thing to help you recover.

I know you are sick of hearing it, but have you taken a good look at your Step work? I say this only because I've sponsored a number of guys who tell me they 'have worked the Steps' but can't stay sober. Then, within 10 minutes of talking to them, it becomes clear that they have done some things, but are missing some fundamental components that lead to a spiritual awakening. NA has a little different approach to the Steps than AA does, so I can't help you with specifics.

I hope that you are willing to take an honest look at what you've done so far.

Latte

Heck, I became obsessive about working out there for awhile. Luckily I have a really great sponsor and then a swollen knee. All things happen for a reason. I am an addict, I have got to watch behaviors as much as substances. The piles of books-ya, gotta watch those too.

I agree with keithj, pulling apart the program to suit myself ended recently with a sore knee. Not a relapse per se, but definitely an aha moment.

Keep coming back. This is a wonderful place.

silly

I like how Mark75 puts it, "do you want to get clean?". If the answer is yes, I encourage you to stop allowing your addict mind to play these tricks on you. Thinking "If I have to start my days all over again, I might as well use, too." is your addict voice trying to take over. Does that logic seem rational to you? What if your next thought is "I've had 5 pills already today so I might as well have 10"? It won't be long before you can rationalize everything, right? We've all been there. Making rules, rationalizing, our addict minds telling us "it's okay as long as....".

It's just days, stacylove. Nobody goes to an AA or NA room with the soul purpose of being able to count them. Counting days isn't the goal, it's just one of many ways to measure progress. Being clean is the goal. Maybe in AA or NA rooms you have to start counting all over again. Many, many of us have had to do that. But why not keep your own running total if it'll help you stay motivated? For example: "I'm on day 15 of straight sobriety and I've been clean 59 out of 60 days"

JohnBarleycorn

I don't know what others might tell you, LaFemme, but I would certainly tell you not to use that as an excuse to start drinking again. :-)

Anna

I agree Stacy, that you're focusing on counting the days, which is not the goal.

The goal is sobriety and recovery, moving forward on your journey, and finding a way to live a happy and healthy life.

As long as you allow your addict voice to dictate to you, recovery is not going to happen. Recognize the voice for what it is, hear it, and let it go.

JohnBarleycorn

I believe the concept of "how far carried" would apply here. Yes, it is true that "alcohol is a drug, period" but by that logic, it is also true that "nicotine is a drug, period."

Nicotine is highly addictive, and like other addictive drugs, raises dopamine levels. It is both a stimulant *and* a sedative to the CNS, depending on dosage, affects the user's mood, and causes some nasty withdrawal symptoms.

Does that mean that if someone who was once addicted to alcohol and quit later smoked a cigarette, that they should reason "well, since I already took one drug, I may as well take another drug and start drinking again - BOTTOMS UP!!!" ?

To do so would be pure, insane, addictive rationalization.

In your particular case, even though your DOC is Oxycodone, you should certainly abstain from any and all opiates, whether natural, semi-synthetic, or fully-synthetic, in any form.

Not because you have "the disease of addiction" or because you are "an addict," but simply because, as most people eventually learn, re-addiction to a class of drugs is much more "efficient" and occurs much faster than initial addiction occurs.

In similar fashion, even though my particular DOC is single-malt scotch, I should not be drinking any beer, wine, or anything with alcohol in it, either.

You should also probably abstain from any substances that cause you to go back to using your DOC.

In my particular case, for example, if I where to take a benzodiazepine class drug such as clonazepam or lorazepam, I am certain that as soon as it wore off, I would start to get physiological cravings for alcohol. Therefore, I will not take them.

I would also suggest that you drop any concept that is not helping you to accomplish your goal of quitting your addiction. If counting days, or the concept of "sober time" is causing you problems, then don't use it!

Mcribb

people get caught up too much on the sobriety date. after you relapse as many times as me, it's like I don't care about some numbers. I just care about today.

tyler

I second what Mcribb said. To me it is more troubling the thought process you are going through than the actual act of having a glass of wine. The wine may not be the problem (for you), but look at the thoughts that are going through your head because of it. There is lots of good advice in this thread. I hope something in it speaks to you.