ESSENCELOVE

HI IM NEW ON THIS WEBSITE I HOPE SOMEONE CAN SHARE SOME INFO.... I HAD A BOYFRIEND I JUST BROKE UP WITH I MET HIM A YEAR AGO AT A JOB HE WANTED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. WHEN I MET HIM HE WAS IN A REHAB FOR 16 MONTHS WHEN HE TOLD ME I THOUGHT THAT WAS GREAT THAT HE WANTED TO STOP SMOKING WEED I WAS SUPPORTIVE FROM THE START IM NOT A CONTROL FREAK I ALWAYS ASKED HIM HOW HE FELT ABOUT EVERYTHING HE WAS READY TO LEAVE OUT THE REHAB I TOLD HIM TO TAKE THINGS SLOW I WILL BE HERE FOR HIM HE STARTED LOOKING FOR A PLACE NO LUCK SO I TOLD HIM HE COULD STAY WITH ME ONLY IF THATS WHAT HE WANTED IM NOT GOING TO PUSH HIM SO HE MOVED IN I DID'NT DO MUCH FROM THE START BUT WORK AND COME HOME ANYWAY I DON'T USE DRUGS OR DRINK HE'S 38 AND IM A FUN LOVING 43 YEAR OLD SO IM VERY STABLE IT WAS JUST ME AND MY CAT. SO MY HOME IS A CLEAN DRUG FREE PLACE I MET HIS MOM AND DAD SO THEY CAN SEE WHO THEIR SON WAS LIVING WITH EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL I GAVE HIM SPACE SO HE COULD THINK DID'NT ADD ANY PRESSURE TO THE LIVING SITUATION THEN I STARTED TO SEE HIM PULLING AWAY NOT TO RUN THE STREET BUT IN THE HOME HE JUST WORK COME HOME FROM THE NEW JOB HE STARTED HE DID'NT WANT TO DO ANYTHING LIKE GO OUT SEE A MOVIE BE AROUND PEOPLE THEN THE SEX STARTED FAILING I HAD TO ASK HIM TO DO IT OR HE WOULD'NT TOUCH ME I GO TO TOUCH HIM HE WOULD PULL AWAY YES MY FEELINGS WAS HURT I WOULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT BUT HE WAS LIKE THIS FROM THE START SO I JUST GAVE HIM SPACE BEING IN A REHAB FOR 16 MONTHS WITH GUYS MAYBE SLEEPING WITH ME WAS NEW FOR HIM SO GAVE HIM SPACE I TOLD HIM MAYBE WE SHOULD'NT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP JUST ROOMMATES NO HE DID'NT WANT THAT I HAD TO BE WITH A GUY THAT WAS'NT LOVING OR AFFECTIONATE SO YOU AFTER A WHILE OF THIS I STARTED TO THINK HE DID.NT CARE AND HE REALLY DID'NT WANT TO BE WITH ME BUT ONCE AGAIN HE SAID HE CARED SPOKE TO HIS MOM ABOUT IT SHE SAID HE CARES THEN SOMETHING NEW HAPPEN HE STARTED SLEEPING AT THE FOOT OF THE SAME BED WE SELPT IN I SAID OK WHATS GOING ON NOW SO I WOULD SLEEP IN THE LIVINGROOM HE WOULD GET MAD BUT HE SLEPT AT THE FOOT OF THE BED SO WHY WAS HE GETTING MAD I WAS OUT OF THE BED AGAIN NOT FIGHTING BUT TALKING IM A CLEAN NEAT PERSON SO I JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE IF HE WANTS ME THEN I WILL BE WITH HIM. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED IM A BORING HOME BODY LIKE HIM WE DONT EVEN GO FOR WALKS TOGETHER BUT HE SAYS HE'S GOOD HE STARTED A NEW JOB AS A DRUG COUNTSELOR THATS WHEN THINGS STARTED CHANGING I REALLY THINK IT WAS TO SOON FOR HIM TO START THAT NEW JOB HE'S IN TRAINING AND GOES TO CLASSES TWO NIGHTS A WEEK HE TEXTS ME MORE THAN HE SPEAKS TO ME ON THE PHONE ITS LIKE LIVING WITH A STRANGER OK NOW WHY WE ARE NOT TOGETHER HE NOW TELLS ME HE'S HAPPY BUT HE WANTS TO GET HIS OWN PLACE THATS WHEN I SAID THATS IT!!!!! I WAS THERE FOR HIM IN EVERYWAY GOING HIS PACE UNDERSTANDING THAT HE WAS COMING OUT OF A REHAB TALK TO HIS MOM NOT OUTSIDERS HE STAYED IN I STAYED BY HIS SIDE WE WORK COME IN I TOLDED HIM EVERYDAY I LOVED HIM IM VERY AFFECTIONATE I DEALT WITH HIM IN MY HOME THAT BECAME OUR HOME I WANTED TO BUILD A FUTURE WITH HIM NEVER HURTED HIM OR LOOKED DOWN AT HIM NOW THIS IM NOT GOING TO BE HURT ANY MORE IM TRYING TO TELL HIM BE EASY YOU CANT HAVE IT ALL ITS LIKE EVERYTHING HE LOST HE'S SPEEDING TO GET IT BACK AND RUNNING OVER ME TO GET IT. SO I TOLD HIM I LOVE YOU BUT I HAVE TO LET YOU GO HE'S UPSET YES IM NOT GOING TO WAIT 3 MONTHS WHEN HE'S IN HIS OWN PLACE TO SAY HEY DONT WANT YOU NO MORE NOW PLEASE HELP NEED ADVICE SO I CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN THANKS

Dee74

It sounds to me like you've made a good choice EssenceLove, based on your needs.
Welcome to SR

D

nandm

Welcome to SR

recoverywfaith

justjo

Hi EssenceL

You sound like a very loving, caring woman who gave it a good shot. Its great that you saw the warning bells quite soon and realized what you need in a relationship. I guess you can only do so much, put up with so much before you realize how much you did not need it.
Its nice to be loved but its better if you are with someone who accepts who they are and accepts who you are. Its seems your friend is on another path.
JJ

ESSENCELOVE

I was just getting the feel of this website.Its all new to me just wanted to get some feedback since he was in a rehab. Nobody has to be nasty on how im writing my words. thanks anyway

Surlyredhead

Hi...and welcome essencelove.

I am sorry you are going through this. In the end, you have to look out for you...it sounds like you have given him all the space/support you could. If you are not happy, you did the right thing, it sounds like you were kind about it. You deserve to be happy too...

Cathy

ESSENCELOVE

Thank You Justjo since he came out of a rehab. I guess this would be a good place to get other oppinions.Been bothered about this for a while did'nt want to talk to family or friends about it.They love me so i would have been something very nasty like kick his blank and you know whats next. Lol

Thanks again.

Anna

I agree it sounds like you've done what you can to help him.

Do take care of yourself.

Hevyn

Welcome Essence - we are a kind & helpful group, hope you will stay around.

I always questioned myself when it came to things like this - always thought I could do more, or say more to help. I always felt guilty if I put myself first. You sound like you have a good heart, and have tried your best. Sometimes we have to be a little selfish and step away from a situation that isn't doing anything but harming us. Of course, nothing's written in stone, and if things are meant to work out they still could - but you obviously both need some breathing room.

Please let us know how it's going for you - we care.

ESSENCELOVE

Its crazy we only lived together 6 months i even told him i will go away for a night a weekend or every other weekend.I even sleep in the living room for days he still lives here did'nt say when he was living. If i ask it seems like he don't want to go.Im not speaking to him i guess he thinks im going to see some else once he leaves and the door will be closed for good.
Thanks