lostparent

Ok so my AD got out of rehab/jail in Nov. She hasn't been able to find a job was sleeping here but now stays with a friend. She stops in here a few times a week. We had some money turn up missing this morning. There are three adults living here an I KNOW for a fact they didn't take it. We also have kids ages 11 an under here they have NEVER stole money before. So am I right in thinking AD or maybe friend did it? Told her it was missing an all she said she couldn't have she was wearing shorts when she was here no place to hide it..of course she was here more than that one time. When I ask if her friend could have done it she just said I don't know
I hate accusing her unjustly maybe I should have just let it go an not said anything. Wish I had hid the money then this wouldn't have happened.
Don't eve know why I'm posting this. Other than I'm sure some of you have in the past had the same problem..No proof but no other explanation either.
Should I have kept my mouth shut an hoped my other daughter did too. It was her money that was taken.

outtolunch

Lived through this too many times.

When someone steals, they are unlikely to fess up to it.

I would not allow a contractor to have access to my house or the ability to roam the house, once in it. This is the position I took with my daughter to cut my losses. Eventually, she was no longer welcome in my home.

I changed all the locks and the garage door code, too.

Having said all this, given there are others in your house, you just never know. I used to think my daughter would be the very last person to steal from me. I was mistaken.

keepinon

Wanna know the difference betwen an alcoholic and a junkie?An alcoholic will steal your purse and then be consumed with remorse and regret..a junkie will steal your purse and then help you look for it..it's a joke, but so TRUE! Even my own ex junkie laughs at that one..you know who stole it, you don't need proof..trust yourself.

lostparent

Thanks all for the responses. since I KNOW my husband or I didn't steal it an of course it belonged to the other adult here. That just leaves her or the friend an even if it were the friend she would have had to told him ahead of time were it was cause only a portion of it was visible.
Yep I think this is just a case of me trying to deny she would still steal from us . Had hoped those days were over. . As to if she's using again my guess would be yes. Thanks again

Kindeyes

:rotfxko

Truth in jest. This made me smile this morning because it's so true. So sad but so true.

But.....back to the original post.......I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I had an interesting conversation with my AS a couple of months ago. He told me that addicts steal from their families because it is a "lower risk crime". The ramifications (police, jail, etc.) are perceived to be less.

If they only understood the true ramifications of their actions........

gentle hugs
ke

Impurrfect

((Lostparent))) - I'm sorry you're going through this again. I understand the not wanting to believe she would steal from you, but I would be careful with money and anything else that can be stolen/sold.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

aasharon90

I am so glad I have SR as a place to come to
if I have a situation I need help with or I need
support on. And with you coming here I hope
it helps you as you know you NEVER have to
go thru anything alone by urself.

SR is a huge support system for me that has
helped me with answers, suggestions to guide
me alone the way.

It's a relief to know we dont have to be alone
as we go thru lifes suggles.

Remember you have bounderies to use to
protect urself and put ur mind at ease.
Stay strong and firm on ur ground while
still being a loving caring person.

Ann

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I know all too well the awful heart dropping feeling when you realize what happened...and you do know what happened, I think.

Each time my son stole from us, it hurt. The last time was when he was living somewhere else and came over to get some of his old laundry from the basement. I let him go downstairs, not really thinking. He had his backpack with him and while he was down there he managed to fit a portable TV into his backpack, then walked right by me looking innocent and normal. It took me until the next day before I noticed, and it was also the last time my son was ever allowed in our home....isn't it sad when your own son cannot come in your home because he will rob you?

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble, but indeed I DO know your pain and my heart and prayers go out for you and for your daughter.

It really stinks being the mama of an addict.

Hugs

lostparent

Yes Yes Yes it is true a few yrs ago she stole my video camera then went around helping me look for it.. sad but true. As for being careful with money an stuff when she's around I had been but this time I dropped the ball. Sad thing is I don't think she realizes the damage she did was more than just the money. Any small amount of trust she had build back up with us went out the window.
Have also heard they steal from family for that reason too. Hate to tell her if she steals checks or large amounts of money like she did in the past we will press charges.
She is to start another court ordered program next week maybe it will help. In my mind a job would help cause then she wouldn't have so much time on her hands. But she hasn't been able to find one with the felony plus the economy.
People that have never been through this just don't get it.

keepinon

imho really truly working an honest program is the only way..no job, anything is going to work until recovery is fully embraced..there is always hope though

outtolunch

My daughter did that every time my ATM, credit card or what not would go missing. There was one day in particular that she awoke and took off like a bat out of hell and looked like one too. Because things seemed to be disappearing with some frequency I checked my wallet and my AMEX was gone. I called it in and learned that it had been used in the past hour at an area gas station and Dunkin Dounts.

My daughter returned home with a Dunkin Donut bag and it still did not click with me. She convinced me I must have left the card at gas station the prior evening. She even called them to ask.

Yeah, my screen name suits the person I used to be.

lostparent

LOL ..I think we've all been " Outtolunch" at some point when it comes to dealing with the addicts in our lives.
keepinon ..I agree she needs the program but she has to support herself some how. Other than stealing that is. =)

Ann

Tell her, lostparent. Even protecting our valuables does not always prevent them from finding them or breaking in to get them.

And if she is still living with you, lock away anything valuable or with potential like check books (they steal from the middle of the book because it's hard to see that way) because you just never know when it will happen again.

I hope this next program helps her find her way back.

Hugs

kiki5711

I never leave money around the house. Not even a dollar. It's just too easy to "oh, just what I needed" to the kids helping hands and oopsie, "now how did that" get in my pocket? kind of thing. And it doesn't have to be by an addict either. I wasn't when I dipped.

It's just something I remember doing "dipping" in my mother's purse not thinking it was "really" wrong. I just needed it, that's all.

Serenity Bound

lost, don't be hard on yourself. the last time RAD stole from me, I had kicked her out and stupidly forgot to get the house key from her. hmmm...and interestly she is the one who called me & fessed up. That was my que to change the locks.

Hugs,
Chris

nothing2011

Lost parent , I do not have a daughter who is a addict thankfully so I cannot completely understand if that makes sense. A husband and daughter are two different kinds of love. But yes they will steal and help you look for it as stated above. Even down to our 2 & 4 year olds piggy banks with numerous dollars from grandmas or all kinds of change so they will steal from their own children too even though they don't realize when you steal from a home period you are stealing from the whole family. What if that was grocery monies or what if that was the day care money? Who is gonna replace it. I keep nothing of value in my home other than tv's etc. jewelry, money, collectibles they are all gone because I would find things missing too randomly and my Dad passed away in 05 and I had a money box of his that had lots of collectible coins in it worth lots of $ and because he was in addiction he broke into the keyed money box and stole coins worth about $5000 all together and traded them for face value to continue using. Sad Sad Sad my heart and prayers go out to you my friend

lostparent

It is sad that they are driven to steal from the very people that love them an want nothing more than for them saved some how from the hell they are in. It's also sad that we have to go through it. She now acts like nothing happened an like she thinks we have all forgotten about it. So I mentioned today how much we had learned through the years an that now I know it would have been better for her if we had pressed charges when she stole those checks a few years ago..She got the point..