Missy7

It's the morning of Day Two and I have a huge day ahead of me. I have a long, hard work day including much, much pressure, then I have to get a horse to the vet (she's in actual pain) then I have to go to the first meeting of a weight loss challenge I can't let my partner down on.

No wonder I drink.

I woke up feeling good and stretched, but then starting feeling anxious. I'm not sure if this is me missing alcohol, or possibly me missing the pain pills I would take to get over hangovers--or when I got home from work and wanted to pretend I wasn't going to drink.

I'm a little shaky. Maybe that's from coffee. Maybe not. I do feel really anxious. I'm very high pressure by nature--are we all? I freak out in advance before checking work email...I assume the worst.

I guess I can't have the pain pills either.

I will write here before I do anything stupid. I will call my therapist this morning. I've avoided her too for the past few months.

Thank you for being here so I can say this stuff. I'm guessing there's little anyone can do to make it better. It's up to me.

Anna

Yeah, it is something that you just have to get through.

It's not surprising that you are feeling anxious and shaky on Day 2.

It will get easier as the days go by.

Missy7

Thank you. I want to tell you that just that you responded made me start to cry. It's going to be a tough day I think but I'm glad you guys are here.

Anna

We do understand how hard this is, but know that you can do it.

And, there's always someone here, so know that you're not alone.

Missy7

For each kind word one of you says to me I get on another message and share. If I need and am so affected by support, I'm sure there are others who really need to hear from me too.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Welcome Missy and happy to hear you will be calling your therapist.

You will find that as the days go on you will become less anxious and more content. Sobriety is a wonderful life... you will enjoy the days and look forward to the future. Just take it one day at a time or one minute at a time.

I am finding ways to deal with those days when I am anxious. My favorite and most effective is a hot bath with Epson Salts and candles in the morning, even before I wake the kids up. Walking and reading are also a release for me.

Keep reading here and posting, you will find a lot of wonderful support here.

Wishing you the very best as you move forward with you new found life... you are gonna love it.

reggiewayne

Welcome. I think you have waaaaay too much going on IMO. It's chaos hun. The vet, the errands, the job, the losing weight, the coffee, the pills, the booze, the stress, the pressure etc... I know this lifestyle very well - and it never helped me stay sober.

I think it's helpful to look at what you really HAVE to do. The only thing I see that you HAVE to do is take the horse to the vet. All the other things are choices you're making. They seem to be choices that are not helping your sobriety. You're on day 2, you're probably still going through some withdrawl. You will get better, but I think our expectation and demands on ourselves early on have to be reasonable.

If I were you, I'd try very hard to find some serenity. I'm not sure if losing weight along with quitting pills, along with not drinking is the best plan.

Just my two cents. I wish you nothing but the best. I too used to do all these things. I'd try and hit a 10 run home run. Slow and steady.

Bikeguy

Have a great sober day Missy, you can do it!! Just take each task one at a time and take a few minutes through out the the day to try to step away relax and regroup.

Missy7

I know. My life tends to always include way too much to do. It's who I am and people have come to depend on it. I know I need to stop something but I'm the most steady household support, the weightloss thing is a 10 week program that kicks off tonight. I'm doing it with a friend who is relying on me.

I will let my job take a back seat today. I do have the advantage of spending most of my day at a nice desk in a nice office working on text rather than running around doing retail or working in a hospital...so I can probably handle it. No more caffeine though.

And I'm letting the food handle itself right now. The alcohol is more important and I assume the weight will come off if I just don't drink. I allowed myself pecans in my cheerios this morning and sat down to chat with you guys instead of running out the door.

And finally, thank you so much for seeing the horse as the most important thing. It's true. She's on pain meds (permanently--do we even think how that affects her psyche?) for a degenerative bone disease and she hasn't wanted to walk around the pasture that last week or so....I don't know what's next for her.

MIBluebird

Hi and welcome Missy. My favorite saying was "no wonder I drink" and I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. I'm at 10 weeks and it's a new and better life. Do I still struggle, absolutely, but I'm seeing alot of light at the end of that dark tunnel I've been in.

So happy that you joined us...you will receive incredible support here.

SSIL75

ITA with this.

Also it did me no good to look at my life and think 'this is why I drink'. I drink because I'm an alcoholic. Nothing more or less.

eaglette

Hi Missy,

I am new here too, but I have already found that this group is amazingly supportive and will do whatever they can to assist in whatever way they can. It is amazing to have people there for you. Have you considered looking into rehab? It seems like you have a lot on your plate, and it might do you some good to take a break in an environment dedicated to helping you achieve your goal of sobriety in a healthy manner. It might help a lot to have others to help you through the physical aspect of all of this. Best of luck to you; keep your head up!

iliveforyou

Good morning Missy Congrats on your 2nd day, it sure sounds like you do have a lot on your plate! Good idea calling your therapist I hope that your horse will be okay, you both will be in my thoughts. Best of luck and hoping you have a good day!
-Jess

Missy7

I don't drink because my life is too much. My life is too much because I drink. I'm wired to make things hard and spending 25% of my life hungover of sort of a handicap to make it a challenge.

My father was radically alcoholic and we went through all of it. I know about excuses (which I make) and rationalization, but my best thing really is panic. I keep myself going by panicking. I'm as much an adrenaline junkey as anything else.

Thanks guys. I'm going to work. I'll check back for PM.

Have a great day everyone!

Harleybobber

Hey Missy, I am on day 8 of my recovery. Lots and lots of oxycodone for me. I'm talking enough to kill a plow horse. You gotta hang in there. I quit cold turkey last Sat. and last week was a real M Fer. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. It really sucked. There were a lot of times were I had to tell myself to just get through this minute and I'll be o.k. At day 6 I started feeling better. Today I feel like a million bucks. Look like a nickel, b ut feel like a million. I had nothing to go on. I wish I had had some valium or something because I had many sleepless nights tossing and turning. Watching the clock go round and round. However, now I can get 6 hrs a night. Life is GREAT cleaned up. Hang in there. If I can do it, so can you. Just think of how much better you'l feel in a week!!

saphira

Welcome Missy...I hope you're finding this site helpful. I know it has been EXTREMELY helpful for me. I just wanted to comment on the losing weight thing. It is very possible that you will lose weight just from quitting drinking, but I really hope you won't even worry about that right now. I've been losing weight just by taking the alcohol out, but I've been eating more, so it might not stay that way. Right now my priority is to keep alcohol completely out of my life. I'll deal with the losing weight thing when I'm more stable. I think it's important to do whatever you have to do to stay sober right now. That should be priority number 1. I wish you all the best!!

Fandy

welcome Missy....ITA with others who have said to prioritize what needs to be done this first week especially...(and maybe switch to 1/2 caff coffee)...

if nothing changes, nothing changes..putting too much stress on yourself sets you on the self-sabotage road....like saying "no wonder I drink"....remove that thought from your head.

congrats on Day #2..we have all been there. Try to relax after your day stops and get a good night's sleep, eat well and take in a lot of water to help flush your body. IDK what kind of pain reliever scrip you were taking, but some have a longer 1/2 life in your body...so consider this.

Stride34

i think we had similar habits and thats crazy that you feel that good on day 8. i was past the worst of the physical stuff by then too but man it took me a while (many weeks) before I felt even close to "normal" as a whole. then again, i used painkillers for nearly 4 years. consider yourself lucky and don't look back.

EmeraldRose

Take one day at a time...that's what I did and its a miracle how things just fell into place. Between my husband and I separating, relocating my dog grooming business, trying to find a job after getting fired for drinking, going 6 miles every day twice a day to feed goats/chickens/cats...trying to find them all good homes, taking care of me and trying to create a new life for myself, daughter is a senior talking college, trying to maintain my vehicle properly so I don't need a new one...the list goes on and on...all we can do is just take the first thing today and tackle it.
Yes, the horse, a living being, very important for her comfort to get her to the vet...do you need any goats? Hehe