amamma

I am married to a functioning AH and we have 3 children (6,3,2). When we were dating we liked to go out and drink, no problem. I never noticed he was an alcoholic until I was pregnant with our first child. I stopped drinking, he didn't. Now, 6 (almost 7) years later it is the same old thing. He is not abusive, he has a good job, he is great with the kids; but I can't depend on him or trust him. I always worry on my way home if he is drunk. Everytime I need him to do something with the kids I worry he is goig to drink. I feel like I want to leave, but I don't know if that is best for the kids. They love their dad and I feel like a divorce would hurt them more than staying and living with it. I just don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't drink everyday, but when he drinks he doesn't know when to stop. His drinking is unpredictable. My kids are getting older and I don't know how much longer I can live like this. My kids are what is most important to me so do I stay and deal with it for heir sake or leave for their sake? Please help.....

hopeful23

Thanks for sharing amamma.
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
I am only 8 days sober, which doesn't seem like much but is harder than ever imagined. I didn't realize how terrible things had gotten, not for sure, until the people i loved also expressed great concern. Have you spoken with your husband about any of this? Expressed to him how it makes you feel and the constant worry that you have to experience because of it? You don't have to live in any situation that you don't want to live in, but I wonder if it has to be so cut and dry, staying or going. He may have no idea how much this truly affects you. Maybe you have said the small things like "you're having another one?" Or "Babe, don't you think that's enough?" But, trust me, those don't work or really bring to light what you're feeling. Has there been any communication about this?
I can't imagine how scary it is as you're kids get older and continue to become so observant of everything the adults in their life do. I am thinking of you and please keep us posted.

suki44883

We cannot tell you to leave your marriage, but staying in an intolerable situation isn't good for anyone, least of all children. Your children will be happiest if their parents are happy, or at least if their custodial parent is happy. Something I heard once that I truly believe is...It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. You aren't doing them any favors by staying in an unacceptable and unhealthy marriage. If you are unhappy, the chances are good that your children are, too.

fixer

Only you can make the decision to stay or go. In my experience children adapt and are very resilient. The best one can do is give em love, consistency, and reasonable boundaries. The rest is natures magic. Good luck..

Cat123

Check out the adult children of alcoholics forum for an eye into what they will feel when they are older if somethings stay the same or get worse. That can help you determine what you think is best.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.

You will find information, wisdom and some of our stories in the sticky (permanent) posts at the top of the forum pages. Here is one of my favorite:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

For myself, I was married to an active alcoholic for 14 years. What I learned: Alcoholism is progressive, it gets worse. Living with an alcoholic involves lying, blame-shifting, manipulation, deception and chaos.

I chose to remove myself and my children from that environment. I found support here at SR, and Alanon meetings.

Wishing you peace as you make healthy decisions for yourself and your children.