Kindeyes

My son is spiraling once again.

Calling me threatening suicide but refusing to tell me where he is.....just that he is in his car in a parking lot. Telling me that he needs to sleep and if I won't let him come to our house, it's over. He's going to run his car into a tree or wall or something.

I told him that I love him but he can't come to our house. I told him that I can't keep doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting a different result.

He said that his head was messed up and he couldn't think straight. I asked him when the last time he used.....he said "I don't know four or five days ago but I'm so sick."

I asked him if he would let me take him to a hospital or detox. He yelled that he had already detoxed (????really????). I told him that I wasn't qualified to help him but would take him where he needed to go if he was ready to commit. He again repeated that he couldn't think straight and that his (bio) dad would give him a place to sleep but he couldn't get in touch with him. And that if I didn't want to help him to just say so and he would do what he needed to do.

He threated to kill himself again and I told him I loved him and he hung up on me.

I've spent the afternoon praying and reading.

It looks like I'm going to have to go no contact with him to protect myself from him. I can't continue to take the emotional hammering.

I am coming to a point of acceptance that no mother should ever have to come to. I think I feel numb and I may be mistaking that feeling for serenity.

suki44883

I'm so sorry. I know that numb feeling. It happens when so many devastating things come at us so fast that our brains just cannot process them all right then. In a way, it's a blessing because sometimes I think our heads would just explode if we tried to process all that stuff at once.

I agree that no contact is what is needed. I've had to do that, as have many here. It's very hard, but once we realize that we really cannot help them, we have to protect ourselves from knowing so much. Take care of you.

Seren

Oh, (((((KE))))) you and your son are in my prayers. Mr. HG and I, too, have had to go no contact with his AS on several occasions because he did not want to be taken anyplace for help just wanted to come home....it is soooo hard.

Please take good care of yourself!

Many hugs, HG

chicory

(((((((Kindeyes))))))))))


I have no words, but please know that I am praying hard for your sweet son, and for all of you.

hugs
chicory

tjp613

I am so sad to hear this news I have that sick feeling in my gut and that tightening in my throat... I'm just so, so sorry you have to go through this torment.

Impurrfect

(((KE))) - sorry you are going through this again, but very glad that you held your boundaries. Extra hugs and prayers to all of you.

Amy

pacificsunrise

Kindeyes,

you are in my prayers and my heart. stay strong...as much as you can. i can't imagine the pain. so sorry to hear.

my hugs and prayers go out to you tonight.

Carol Star

I read threatening suicide is abuse.

mooselips

(((Kindeyes)))
It's so sad, I feel the same numbness nowadays.
Maybe for us, it's a defense mechanism.......

Hugs, and prayers for you and your son........

and all our addicts.......

bluebelle

I am so sorry to hear this. I'm sending out prayers for you and your son.

newnormal4me

Kindeyes, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon and it is extremely painful. I'll pray your son pulls through this. How sad that he was doing ok for a while, and now right back to where he started. ****{HUGS}}} to you.

coffeedrinker

KindEyes,

So very sorry you had such a painful and difficult conversation. You absolutely did the right thing. You are NOT abandoning your son. If you "helped" in the way he requested, it wouldn't do any good.

I wish you peace soon

Sunshine2

Kindeyes, it is so hard. You and your son are in my prayers.

hope2be

Kindeyes: Huggs From one Mom to another. Sometimes I think the numbness is the inner switch of a Mother's love we get to turn off when needed. You & your son are in my prayers. I know it's not what he wants for his life either.

seekinggrace

kindeyes, I'm a new poster but your story is so familiar to me. Vortex describes it perfectly. Praying for you and your son. So much suffering.

keepinon

Oh Kindeyes..I'm having deja vu reading your post..this is the same situation that happened 6 or 7 months ago where he told you he was sleeping on a piece of carpet and was suicidal.Heartbreaking for you and completely unfair.
On the other hand , I see him using the same behaviors over again to try to manipulate..they didn't work last time, and they aren't working this time..he may just have to change his tactics.He again sounds like he's closing in on bottom.
I think if you want/need to go no contact then do it.I can guarantee you he KNOWS that you love him and he KNOWS when he wants help that you will be ther to support his recovery..you are just done with his active addiction.
Numb may be extreme detachment for this extreme situation..and I know the serenity will come .. because you are in active recovery and will fight for it.Please take care of yourself these next few days..big hugs

keepinon

PS..these things they say while in drug induced states break our hearts and create untold fear, panic, and hoplessness. Often they have NO RECOLLECTION of anything they said..maybe you can find some peace in knowing that his addiction is talking and he likely will not recall the whole conversation.....

Habit

(((Kindeyes)))

I am so very sorry. I can relate to the numbness. I believe it is a way that our HP protects us.

I think of that quote by Mother Teresa, " I know God will not give me anything that I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

I too am at a point of acceptance that no mother should ever have to come to. So many visions for our family have perished. Yet, in spite of it all, I have hope. "All things are possible through God."

I am praying for you. I am praying that God will replace any fear with Faith. And, that He will replace any anxiety with Peace.

Also, I am praying that God will hold your precious son in His everlasting Arms. His strong Arms are able to do what we can not do.

outtolunch

Back when, I allowed my daughter to traumatize me with 100's of calls a day. It was always the same, if I did not..., she would.....

Then on Christmas Day she called to tell me she was giving me a break but that she would call back tomorrow. And she did and it started all over again.

That was a "what the face" moment for me.

This mom thing is not for wimps.

Dignity

Hello Kindeyes, Its such an empty place to be in while not having contact with our sons. I absolutely hate it~~and pray every day that they can smarten up and start taking care of themselves without our help. My heart is with you, my thoughts are that you can stay strong and my dreams are consumed with happy endings for all of us moms out there that have to deal with this nightmare. Hugs~~~~Bonnie