cantakeit

Hi All. I had been 100% sober for 9 yrs. 4 mths. until 4:10 pm today. I just cannot deal with working and struggleing to stay afloat any longer. All I do is work and go home, seriously, that is my life. I do this and i'am lucky if i get ahead financialy a few hundred dollars.I was self employed for 5 yrs. and doing ok, paying the bills and getting enough money saved to make me happy and buy a few things, motorcycle and boat, things to do. I'am as angry as a person can be with the so called savior. I have lost every ounce of faith I once had. I do not wish to sound like an A-hole but I no longer care " how bad other people have it" and I should be happy to have a roof over my head. Anyways thanks for letting me vent.

Surlyredhead

Anna

I'm sorry that you relapsed and that you feel so bad.

Ghostly

Congrats for all the sober time you accomplished! That's amazing. I don't think it's shot at all. You must have developed a lot of tools to deal with life while being sober, those tools aren't wasted. Clearly you're goin through a rough patch. Not sure what you can do to try and get that faith back. Spend time with family or friends? Counseling? Maybe time for a job switch?

Welcome to SR. Feel free to vent here as much as you need.

least

Welcome to the family.

Dee74

welcome cantakeit - I'm sorry life is rough for you right now.
I think you know drinkings not the answer, though.

9 years is a great achievement - you must have learned a thing or two...I hope you'll share some of that with us, and yourself.

You'll find an incredible amount of support and encouragement here - welcome aboard

D

nandm

Welcome to SR.

As someone stated earlier you have not thrown it all away, you still have the tools that you learned during your sober time. So you had a relapse, that does not make you a failure, it just means you are human. Being human means we make mistakes.

Hang in there. You can turn this around. I would suggest counseling and considering finding a different career. Never give up hope because as long as there is a tomorrow there is hope.

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

24hrsAday

welcome to SR canttakeit.. sorry to hear you are so down right now. maybe things will look better tomorrow. i hope you post more with us..

CarolD

Welcome...
Sorry to know of your struggles

Please don't let this drinking episode go on for long.
Use that long sobriety as a base and begin re building.
.

c49

I dont think you wasted anything. Please stay and share some more tips.

I am a frequent - long term relapser (sober 1-2 years before I relapse). I appreciate the rollercoaster you are on.

stugotz

There isnt any problem you cant make worse by drinking. Welcome.

Hevyn

Welcome cantakeit. It's great you decided to come here & talk about it. I agree with Stugotz - nothing will be gained by drinking. I always thought it was a comfort, a stress reliever - but it always took me straight back to hell.

You can regain your sobriety. You don't have to go back to where you once were. No harm done if you stop now. Maybe you needed to prove to yourself once again - that nothing gets any better when we numb ourselves. Problems & unhappiness are still waiting for us when we come out of the fog, only now we've added to them.

I hope you'll feel some relief by talking to us about your situation. You are not alone in this.

EmeraldRose

Welcome canttakeit. First, I'm sorry that you felt your life was getting so unmanagable that you felt the urge to drink after almost 10 years.
But second, I'm wondering if you pulled out all your guns to resist.
Are you an AA-er? I'm only about 70 days sober after a 30 year binge. LOL But I am finding that AA is a huge help to me. Even if I'm crabby and don't feel like sharing I still come away with something.
I hope you stay and post -it really does help. Thanks for being here. Hopefully someone will learn something from you or you can learn from others here. Great support site.

cantakeit

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. The replies did give me something to think about. If anyone is interested In how I quit I can sum It up with this, I decided to. And that is what i did. Many times in jail did not do it, fines did not do it, counseling did not do it. I did. I say to myself I'am changing my life like I have in the past and then have done it, but deep down I feel I will not stay on the course I'am on at this time. I do feel like I have lost and that does bother me, It was the one thing nobody could take away, something I had put the work and effort into .

Opivotal

Welcome cantakeit, I'm sorry to hear your struggling. Please hang around here for a while. We have the best people to offer support.

:ghug3





Best Wishes to You!

Dee74

I've been through a lot in my life.

If I've learned anything, man, it's that losing is an internal judgement thing...it's not judged on external things.

I've felt like I've lost when I 'had it all' and should have been on top of the world...but I feel like I win everytime I get up these days...

I haven't got much money, my healths not great - but I'm still here, I'm loved, and I'm happy.

Think about the good things in your life, get back up on your feet, and lean on us when you need it

D

artsoul

Welcome to the forum - I hope you decide to hang around..... those years of sobriety still count in my opinion. I relapsed after many years, too, but I'm still glad I had those times of sobriety - I don't know what would've happened if I didn't.

There's a lot of support here. Maybe it will help you like it's helped me.:ghug3

Reset

9+ years and you've stumbled just once. Sounds like a pretty good track record to me.

I hope to go that long without drinking.

Anyway welcome to SR and I hope you stick around.

nancyj

You have not lost and you are not lost. This post has been an inspiration to dozens today. I soooo wish you the best.

reggiewayne

Like others have said, you have 3,250 days sober and 1 day not. Pretty good track record. That means you drank .0003% of the days in the past 9 years and 4 months.

Just get back on track! We're here for you!