mazzie

Last night, i hit my breaking point. I know he's been using, but i was in denial, trying to make the excuses believable. I havent spoken to him since then, he didn't come home and i couldn't get hold of him for hours. i didn't think to check the account. He went through a few hundred. when i finally did get him on the phone he said he fell asleep at our shop we own. I've had so many mixed up feelings since then, I feel like a tornado hit. I know this is the right thing to do-I ended the argument with "rehab or don't come home". He has sent messages all day but i just can't or don't know what to say. He sent me papers of a treatment facility that he found today through a friend and had them let me know that he was staying at our shop. It's killing me to think - about any of it. I don't know how long it takes to get into it, I don't even know if he will go or it was to try and get me to call. I can only hope. I let our 3 employees know earlier because I didn't know what shape he'd be in when they got there. our friend said he sat them down and let them know that he would be gone for 2 or more weeks so mabey... I know, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I quess I'm kinda in shock still, feeling so many mixed up emotions all day.

lillamy

(((hugs))) to you my friend, and good on you for taking that step.

Now take a step back from him and focus on yourself. You have a store to run and a life to live and he's responsible for himself. You take care of you.

I would start with finding an Al-Anon meeting. Whatever he's using, the basic addiction behavior is the same, and your coping strategies will be the same. Lots of love and peace to you.

japabp2000

Hi Mazzie, boy do you ever sound like me. I am married to an alcoholic/addict and I feel sad, lonely, scared, and everything that I'm sure everyone on here feels or has felt. The way I try to get through it is by realizing that the disease of addiction is what causes him to do the things he does, even though he knows he is doing wrong, and he knows how much it hurts, he still "has" to feed that addiction.
The feeling of being betrayed is one of the worst feelings in the world. I don't know how long your husband has been using, but mine has been using since 2006. I only found out about this about a year and a half ago. He is not currently using drugs, but has went back to drinking pretty heavily. It's a lonely place to be for us who love them. I'm so sorry. Just stand your ground and remember that he may go to rehab, but that doesn't mean he will recover. I'm not trying to be negative, but I know that the past 4 times my husband went (he didn't stay the whole time), he only went to pacify me and his family. So in my opinion, giving ultimatums does not work. Just be sure to distance yourself as much as possible and take care of YOU (which is something I have a lot of work to do on myself). HUGS AND PRAYERS!!
-Aimee

naive

hi mazzie-

we have a saying here "pay attention to what they do, not what they say."

alcoholics say just about anything to get their foot back into the cozy nest of home.

hold the line and wait.

in the meantime, focus on yourself.

nodaybut2day

I agree with Naive...Right now, he's quacked to you about "falling asleep at the shop", he's sent you a bunch of messages hoping to re-establish the status qup and he's spoken to the employees at the shop about his supposed 2 -3week absence. All words.

What's he done?

(and let's be honest here, 2-3 weeks in rehab is not the magic pill that'll solve everything).

Just wait. Trust in HP. More will be revealed.

Buffalo66

I would hold strong, even if you dont hear from him...even if you see him, no matter what state he is in.

A lot of times in the past w my RAH, when I would get broken enough to take action like this,(or stop taking action), he would pull out all the stops in dramaville.

I would expect some drama, something to tug at your heartstrings.

Its a diversion. If he means it, he will just do it.
If he is thinking about it, then it is chipping away at his denial.

Like Noday said, "all will be revealed."

But, i think its best to stay your course, here, and treat him almost as if he is a toddler testing you. If you cave, he will see that whatever tactic he used worked, and then you are in for more of the same.

Good Luck, and keep us posted

mazzie

HEARTFELT THANKS FOR WORDS OF ENCOURAGMENT! 4 nites of crazy emotions. I told the kids Fri. They seem to be ok, but, mine and his all have opposite parents that are recovering addicts also. I am going to stand my ground if only for them and the impression i need them to grow with. I know its not the reason I should be strong but knowing that right now could make or break what they will accept to be ok in their own life someday keeps my sanity for now. They need me to be the one to help them understand and keep them together( we have 6 of our 8 kids with us). I have talked to him on the phone and he has come up to the house and gotton some clothes. He says Mon. he is supposed to call and make the arrangements for the dual-diagnosis program he found. They help with the spychiatric issuses he is treated for also. Time will tell. He wants to come and talk to the kids today in case they can get him in right away. I said yes but now I'm wondering if its a ploy to use thier emotions wanting dad back to come home. They are all in therepy already but does anyone know if there is a forum here for kids on this site or somewhere else. ages 10 - 16.

suki44883

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