Patience and feelings of anger!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 53
Patience and feelings of anger!
Hi everyone, it has been a long while since I've posted on here! I've been attending my alanon meetings like a good girl, and it's going well. However, I had a sponsor for awhile and she wasn't very good. I'd call her, frantic and instead of feeling better after the call, I'd feel worse! She'd tell me how screwed up my life was and tell me how I should fix it and her "answers" on how I should conduct my life were those of an angry, bitter person. So, I "fired" my sponsor, and honestly I haven't found a good candidate for replacement yet. It's tough because I wish I had a sponsor today because I read something in my morning meditations that I wish I had someone to ask about, and then I rememberd all of you!!! Hurray for soberrecovery.com. My reading today was talking about patience and how when you get angry and frustrated, everyone tells you to be patient. It goes on to talk about how you should go ahead and be angry while working through to patience but my question is what if your anger is what is requiring you to be patient in the first place. I don't particularly want to share the exact scenario here but I'll give a reasonable example to give an idea what I'm talking about.
Let's say your child wants something, like a bike, and you plan to give it to them but they keep houding you and throwing a fit about the bike, so of course, you don't give them the bike while they're throwing a fit, but the more they throw a fit, the less likely you are to rush to giving them the bike, but that is precisely the reason they haven't gotten the bike yet!
So, the child should have patience and they need to stop being angry and start being well-behaved again before they'll get their bike. But the child is angry and their feelings need to be acknowleged and accepted.
In this case, "i'm the child" how do I get to go ahead and feel anger, and have that "be okay", rather than pushing feelings aside to "be patient" when what I need to get what I want IS patience!!
Let's say your child wants something, like a bike, and you plan to give it to them but they keep houding you and throwing a fit about the bike, so of course, you don't give them the bike while they're throwing a fit, but the more they throw a fit, the less likely you are to rush to giving them the bike, but that is precisely the reason they haven't gotten the bike yet!
So, the child should have patience and they need to stop being angry and start being well-behaved again before they'll get their bike. But the child is angry and their feelings need to be acknowleged and accepted.
In this case, "i'm the child" how do I get to go ahead and feel anger, and have that "be okay", rather than pushing feelings aside to "be patient" when what I need to get what I want IS patience!!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
It IS what it IS........isn't it?
in this moment, no matter how much WE wish things were different, they are EXACTLY what they ARE.
in this moment, no matter how much WE wish things were different, they are EXACTLY what they ARE.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 53
I hate IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!! Oh my gosh. Being told I don't have control pisses me off to the nth degree. I only hope that recovery helps with that. I'm good when I read things like the first thing you posted, I'm like, okay, yea, I can do that. But the minute it's worded in a way that I realize I don't get a say... ohhhhh blood boil!!!! :-(
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