soooo tired....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
soooo tired....
today i am tired. i am tired of dealing with everything and everyone.
went and saw a lawyer for the first time. not very impressed.
working on applications for financial help and ton of paperwork that i need to provide, half of which i don't even know where to get.
talked to my husband. nothing really meaningful.
didn't get any work done.
and i am just tired. i am tired of not knowing what to do. tired of not even knowing what am i feeling any more. h***, i can't even figure out what do i want to eat.
this wasn't supposed to be so hard. if i could handle all the pressures and all the disappointments and all of the roller coaster rides at home, why is it so hard to do things now that i am "free" from some of the drama. things are supposed to be easier. i thought that i would be happier knowing that i did the right thing by leaving, but all i can feel is empty. i feel hollow like someone has sucked out all of the life out of me.
thank you for letting my have my pity party. i know that it will get better and that it has to, i just don't see it just yet.
tomorrow is a new day. a new chance to be positive and keep going. today is tough, but tomorrow i get a new go at it.
thank you guys for everything.
went and saw a lawyer for the first time. not very impressed.
working on applications for financial help and ton of paperwork that i need to provide, half of which i don't even know where to get.
talked to my husband. nothing really meaningful.
didn't get any work done.
and i am just tired. i am tired of not knowing what to do. tired of not even knowing what am i feeling any more. h***, i can't even figure out what do i want to eat.
this wasn't supposed to be so hard. if i could handle all the pressures and all the disappointments and all of the roller coaster rides at home, why is it so hard to do things now that i am "free" from some of the drama. things are supposed to be easier. i thought that i would be happier knowing that i did the right thing by leaving, but all i can feel is empty. i feel hollow like someone has sucked out all of the life out of me.
thank you for letting my have my pity party. i know that it will get better and that it has to, i just don't see it just yet.
tomorrow is a new day. a new chance to be positive and keep going. today is tough, but tomorrow i get a new go at it.
thank you guys for everything.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: southeast
Posts: 111
Pacific Sunrise....
I am in no place to give advice.....however, sounds like you are making progress, doing something to make the future brighter for you & your kids.
I would compare it to cleaning out a closet. When you are cleaning it out & there is s**t everywhere, I always think what am I doing? This is a huge mess & all this stuff just keeps coming from every corner.
But when you finish & everything is clean & orderly. There is such pride & you can find & know where everything is!
Or it's always darkest before the dawn.....
Keep working on it, I hate days when I feel like nothing is getting done. I call those my wheel spinning days.
Thinking about you
I am in no place to give advice.....however, sounds like you are making progress, doing something to make the future brighter for you & your kids.
I would compare it to cleaning out a closet. When you are cleaning it out & there is s**t everywhere, I always think what am I doing? This is a huge mess & all this stuff just keeps coming from every corner.
But when you finish & everything is clean & orderly. There is such pride & you can find & know where everything is!
Or it's always darkest before the dawn.....
Keep working on it, I hate days when I feel like nothing is getting done. I call those my wheel spinning days.
Thinking about you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((PS))) - I still have my "pity party" days. However, I try to limit them to one day, at the most. I'm sure, back in my earlier codie recovery that wasn't possible, but it does get better....I promise.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
BarelyHere and Impurrfect,
thank you guys so much for keeping up w/ me. just writing out all that stuff made me feel a little bit better.
i really like that and analogy about the closet. i've also heard people say that most people give up when they are just about to get what they want. i guess i'm making baby steps and that is ok for now. at least i am moving forward and not in circles.
once again, thank you. my hugs and prayers are w/ you guys b/c i know that you both have been through a lot and stayed strong through it all.
reading your posts gives me an inspiration and keeps me going.
thank you guys so much for keeping up w/ me. just writing out all that stuff made me feel a little bit better.
Originally Posted by BarelyHere
Or it's always darkest before the dawn.....
once again, thank you. my hugs and prayers are w/ you guys b/c i know that you both have been through a lot and stayed strong through it all.
reading your posts gives me an inspiration and keeps me going.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Pacific: just want to give you some support. You sound exhausted.
Hope you can get some rest. For me, everything looks gray, ugly and non-ending when I am tired.
I'll keep you in my thoughts/ prayers.
Hope you can get some rest. For me, everything looks gray, ugly and non-ending when I am tired.
I'll keep you in my thoughts/ prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 37
Hey - I'm still learning but here's a view from a different angle:
As a codependent I have found that I DO NOT like being alone. So I have come to learn that the "lonely" feelings are not because of the decisions that I made to stop being codependent but because it is what I "learned" to feel.... lonely when no one is around- even in the midst of being a hard core codenpendet the lonely feelings were strong. It took me a long time to "re-learn" to be alone. Alone with "my" thoughts, "my" hopes, "my" dreams. I was so used to "living through everyone elses" lives that I gave up my life.... It could be that you have done this also. It's probably been a long time since you have had to take care of yourself... I mean REALLY take care of yourself: make solid moves in your life that are only for you.
So this past Sunday I had all day - 24 hours - of time to myself. What did I do: I laid around the house and did nothing. This is friggin sad for sure. But I don't have any friends, I don't have any hobbies.... So I'm working on finding things to do for me instead of finding things to do for other people- I can honestly say that it is very, very hard.
Also - don't forget that feelings are just that: feelings. They will change all the time.
Maybe you could make a list of the things that you need to do. Keep it with you. Make notes, cross of what's completed and work hard for "you" to get to the other side of this.
You can do this - the payoff is finding yourself again- and it's priceless.
Sending prayers for strength to move forward.
Roo
As a codependent I have found that I DO NOT like being alone. So I have come to learn that the "lonely" feelings are not because of the decisions that I made to stop being codependent but because it is what I "learned" to feel.... lonely when no one is around- even in the midst of being a hard core codenpendet the lonely feelings were strong. It took me a long time to "re-learn" to be alone. Alone with "my" thoughts, "my" hopes, "my" dreams. I was so used to "living through everyone elses" lives that I gave up my life.... It could be that you have done this also. It's probably been a long time since you have had to take care of yourself... I mean REALLY take care of yourself: make solid moves in your life that are only for you.
So this past Sunday I had all day - 24 hours - of time to myself. What did I do: I laid around the house and did nothing. This is friggin sad for sure. But I don't have any friends, I don't have any hobbies.... So I'm working on finding things to do for me instead of finding things to do for other people- I can honestly say that it is very, very hard.
Also - don't forget that feelings are just that: feelings. They will change all the time.
Maybe you could make a list of the things that you need to do. Keep it with you. Make notes, cross of what's completed and work hard for "you" to get to the other side of this.
You can do this - the payoff is finding yourself again- and it's priceless.
Sending prayers for strength to move forward.
Roo
Last edited by Rooberri; 04-06-2011 at 06:14 AM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
We all have hard days.
Sometimes when we're having those days, it's our HP telling us that we just need to STOP. And take some much needed time to just "be". I think we often take that feeling of exhaustion as bad. But perhaps it's just time to do something to quiet our rattled nerves.
Sometimes......there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing absolutely nothing. It's what we need in that moment and it is healing.
gentle hugs
ke
Sometimes when we're having those days, it's our HP telling us that we just need to STOP. And take some much needed time to just "be". I think we often take that feeling of exhaustion as bad. But perhaps it's just time to do something to quiet our rattled nerves.
Sometimes......there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing absolutely nothing. It's what we need in that moment and it is healing.
gentle hugs
ke
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