Lovelife27

I'm still having trouble labeling myself as an "alcoholic" it seems. I can't quite understand how I got here. I was always a good kid, got great grades, was an athlete and had high hopes for my future. But this one little nasty habit just gradually got worse and worse.
I started partying my first year of college. Nothing too major...got drunk once or twice a week, but not every week. I dropped out of college after my first year and moved back home. I still continued to drink occasionally, but again, nothing too major. Wanting some direction and order in my life, I joined the Army. What I found was a non-stop party. We drank at least twice a week and I dabbled in other drugs as well. Then came Iraq and almost a year of sobriety. The very first night home from Iraq, the drinking began again and it was almost every night. After a few months, I found myself drinking "alone"--I was always talking on the phone with someone, so I figured it was okay. After I got out of the Army, I continued to drink almost every night. This kept up for several months until I moved back home again. I sobered up for almost a year, but then eventually moved out to my own place and went back to school. I started to drink alone again, but only once or twice a week. It eventually progressed to every night. I graduated college and found a job that pays well. And the amount of alcohol I consume each night has gradually increased. Now it's to the point where I drink a pint of 100 proof vodka every night (except Sunday). I guess I'm what's called a "functioning alcoholic"--I still go to work every day, I only drink in the evenings, I pay my bills, I see my family and take care of my dogs. I just can't seem to shake this habit.
I haven't reached out to AA before, because I'm not a religious person and I'm not sure if I agree with the "alcoholism is a disease" statement. But the longest I've gone sober in the last 3 years is 1 week. I need help. I'm sure my liver is screaming for mercy and I've managed to gain 100 lbs. I feel like I'm right on the edge of getting heart disease or diabetes. I keep telling myself to just knock it off and stop. It's like any other habit, right? Same as smoking and overeating. I just need the will power, right? So why haven't I changed? Why do I continue to sabotage my health and my future?
I drank last night, but I'm making today day 1. Any advice would be much appreciated.

UofI2008

Welcome and you have come to the right place to ask for help. There are a lot of people here with years of sobriety to help guide you. SInce I'm fairly new,23 days, I dont feel that qualified to give advice yet but others will be along quickly who will be more qualified in that arena.

Also, you dont have to agree with everything in AA to go you just have to have a desire to stop drinking. I would go to a meeting and just "try it on" if it doesnt seem like the place for you there are lots of people in here who have got sober without it. If you really want to quit I think you will try everything though.

Genjen

You sound like me, I'm very early in my sobriety and have tried to kick the habit before on my own. It just doesnt work that way for me. I believe I recently truly, whole heartedly accepted the first step. All the times before I had that little voice tell me "Oh you'll be able to later on down the road, oh you can have just a little bit, oh you can control this" Well, four years later, and gallons of more alcohol later, I have come to the conclusion that little voice is lying to me.

I've been kicking it's but every night in meetings and let me tell you it's been helping soooo much.

Good luck!

Kjell

Hi Lovelife-

Welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here.

I've been employeed my entire life, earned many promotions, had girlfriends, bought cars, gone on vacations, moved to different states.

I'm a brother, a son, a neighbor, a co-worker, and I'm an alcoholic.

I, like you, had the wrong idea on what an alcoholic is, until I realized I was one myself.

Maybe it's time to get rid of old ideas?

Kjell~

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

I used to bite my nails. Refer to that as a 'habit'.

Yeah, I could always find 'like minded' people when I was drinking.

Going on R&R for many here the first stop off the plane in Dubai is the duty free shop in the airport. You wouldn't be unique. I wouldn't consider these guys to have been sober over here, just an enforced period of abstinence. That being said, we've had at least a half-dozen of so guys get fired for drinking since last summer, liquor is till available in Iraq if you're willing to spend $50 for a fifth of Johnny Walker

Have really come to not appreciate that particular term.

Not so much of a stretch, but call someone a 'functioning crack addict'.

Or a 'functioning heroin addict'.

Yeah, 'drink like a man'. 'Learn how to hold your liquor'

Examples of that 'will power' thing. Most of use have come to believe that things like 'will power' are of absolutely no help.

Stop drinking and stay stopped would be my advice. Some others will wander through and hopefully, most will be able to provide specific instructions on how to achieve that.

Lovelife27

Thanks for the insight. Yup, that little voice is constantly playing in my head..."You can drink tonight, but you have to quit tomorrow." And it's the same message day in and day out and tomorrow never comes. Groundhog day.

Opivotal

We can give you all the advice in the world. ( I would be happy to do so )The bottom line comes down to you. You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. We come to a crossroad in life. Let alcohol dictate our every waking moment or take control and stop. You can do this. Get a plan together, get some support, and put the alcohol down.

I do know when I crossed the line and I didn't stop. I remember thinking to myself I'm looking forward to this drink a little to much. Hmmmm should have realized then. I ignored my inner warning and got to the place your at. Probably much worse. I wished I'd of listened. So, I guess I'm advising you to stop it now, before you lose everything in your life you love!



Best Wishes to You! :ghug3

Lovelife27

Thanks everyone for the support. I've been a lurker on this website for many months and finally got the guts to join today. I think I'm still in the "denial" phase, but I know I need help. Not trying to offend anyone with the "functioning alcoholic" term. Guess I just picked that up somewhere along the lines and thought that it sounded like me. But I agree that it sounds a bit ridiculous. Maybe I need to do more research on AA, because I was under the impression that it was based on religion. I have thought of attending before and maybe just trying to take what I can from it. For anyone that has quit without AA, what did you do to stop? What worked for you?

Genjen

Oh I forgot something....

I had a meth problem YEARS ago...it was pretty bad, that..in my mind...was the epitome of addiction....it hurt to get off of it....I was pretty proud of myself beating that monster on my own...alcohol had NEVER been a problem in most of my 40 years...I had a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that alcohol was a problem too..."Who me? I'm a DRUG ADDICT, this is beer/wine etc...not really what I want! I like DRUGS"...

I also wondered "How did this happen to me"....I know it's a little different than you but I relate, just a different perspective =)

Lovelife27

Well, congrats on beating meth! I guess I just expected my life to go a lot differently than it has and I'm still shocked that this is even a problem with me. Like I said, still in the denial phase and still thinking that I can beat it on my own. But if you could do it with meth (beat it on your own), maybe it's not so far off to think I can do it with alcohol?

lookinforward

Lovelife- I use to think of an alcoholic as the guy on the bench downtown with no home or family. He would have a brown bag in his hand. Unshaven and the stench of urine. Well I am here to tell you. He didn't start out on that park bench.
Life is a slippery slope and it doesn't take long to get to the bottom. I as many others on here are educated people with careers, families, and all the "normal" day to day existence that you would expect out of an average Joe. With one exception. We are alcoholics. We range from weekend binge drinkers to Every minute of every day. There are no exceptions. Many of us wish we could drink like our friend, neighbor, or relative. But we cannot. We battle this everyday. It is psychological warfar with yourself. It is rather baffling to say the least.
I like you thought it was just a habit that I needed to kick. "I am smarter than this. I am not on a bench. I pay my bills. My kids get to go on vacations every year. My wife has everything that she needs". What a joke. Not downing you. Just myself for wasting so much time.
25 years later I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. In my opinion it is not a habit by any means. I have quit many habits without any with drawl symptoms. When I quit alcohol it sucked. Not just the physical part, but the Psychological part. I did not like that feeling of not being in control. The alcoholic voice was running the show for the last year of my life and all he wanted to do was drink. I totally understand the groundhog day.
As stated above. If you want help. Get it. It will not be easy, but it will change the way that you look at everything. It is incredible. SR has wonderful support and advice. Just as SailorJohns sig says, "Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else".
Everyone works a little different. There are many different routes to recovery. Find out what works best for you.
Keep fighting the fight.
Day by day
Dave

Genjen

Well, I moved states to get off of it for good, the first time I quit was because I was pregnant, ...maybe I should have rephrased that lol...I guess what I meant is that I didn't go to groups or anything and my addictivie compulsive tendencies reared its ugly head again in the form of alcohol.

Now I'm wanting happiness and a deeper understanding of myself and how I tick...which I won't get all by myself..I'm sure of that. I tend to isolate big time, this is one thing I am trying daily to tackle. If I start to isolate that is when I get into trouble, I feel like I owe it to myself to have my "veg time"...hey I work! I have stress! etc etc...but I know where it leads...its not a pretty picture for me.

reggiewayne

If you can't seem to quit drinking and find once you start drinking you have trouble stopping - then you're probably an alcoholic. There are answers as to why this is, but the most important piece of the puzzle is not why, but rather what we can do to stop.

That is where AA comes in for me. It's not religious and they have no opinion on the disease vs non disease argument. Their primary purpose is help other alcoholics find a solution for their alcoholism.

I tried quitting on my own for years. AA was / is the only thing that has ever worked for me. The cool part is, it helps in all other areas of my life. Give it a try. What do you have to lose?

Best of luck to you!

littlefish

Welcome to SR!!!!!
Regarding your questions about AA: yes AA is faith-based but not tied to any form of organized religion. That is why it has members who are from all of the worlds religions.

This is one of the details that causes a lot of confusion. AA will not tell you which church to go to, but it will tell you to find a spiritual path. You have a great deal of choice there because as it says in step 3:
As far as beating things on your own, yes, I know recovered alcoholics who never went to AA. I don't push any specific program: I push the idea of a program.
Most people need some kind of plan and program to get sober. It can be anything from a stint at rehab, the faith-based program of AA, or non-faith based programs like Smart recovery.
Why not start with your hand? Your hand can pick up the next drink or it can pick up the phone.

BoozeFree

Welcome! I know for me I had to truly accept that I am an alcoholic to begin to get sober. In the past I didnt fully accept it and that led to me thinking after a short period of time that I could drink again and control it, and I was wrong.

Mark75

Where did you get the idea that AA says that alcoholism is a disease? And while some people aren't able to grasp the difference, AA is a spiritual program... true, some AAs themselves come across as religious, but AA itself, the program, is spiritual... not religious.

AA has a program for you if you need it and want it. If not, that's cool... I am not promoting it .... I am just trying to clear up some of your confusion.

Welcome to SR

Zencat

I can stay sober when I work my addiction treatment plan. Other that AA I utilize SMART Recovery Tools. There many ways to get and stay sober as AA is not always the best fit for everybody that seeks to be recovered from alcoholism. Like Opivotal wrote, when recovery becomes a greater priority that drinking, then the good life starts to unfold.

Lovelife27

I guess I just picked up sterotypes about AA? Not sure why I thought they believe that alcoholism is a disease. I definitely feel like it's a mental obsession and that without it, this huge gaping hole creeps in and alcohol is the only thing that makes it shut up and go away. I've been trying to get to the root of the problem and figure out why I drink. From many of the user comments I've read on here, I've come to the general conclusion that alcoholics are incredibly smart, incredibly creative and incredibly disatisfied people. Thank you to everyone for your welcome and advice. I think I will check out an AA meeting and see if it's for me.

Kjell

A lot of people view alcoholism as a disease, but it's really not important either way.

What's important is that you are here, seeking help, and trust me when I say the power is in the asking.

You're doing great!

Kjell~

CarolD

Thank you for your Army service..

Alcoholics come in all sizes and shapes ...not everyone
had bad childhoods or got arrested...or became homeless.
We are the ones who you might meet in bars
see at the liquor store and sit next to at work.

I certainly never expected to be an alcoholic.

If you want to meet more of us....the ones who are now
non drinkers....who work for a sober future..please check us out
AA is for anyone who has a desire to quit drinking.

Welcome to our recovery community ..