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ABF's babymom called last night. First of all, even though she wasn't working she brought him over and dropped him off to spend the night, telling me that he needed to spend time with his dad before he went to rehab on Friday.

She then proceeded to tell me that we need to sit down and completely explain the situation to him (he is an immature 8). That he needs to know "the truth" and we needed to tell him everything.

Then, here comes the funny part:

She offerred to move into the house to help me with my daughter! No kidding.

I am looking forward to him being gone and some peace. I had to explain to this woman that she will need to find someone else to help her with her son while ABF is gone. I cannot do it. There is no way that I could get him to school in the mornings and get myself to work. I would like to see him and do things, but I cannot be his primary caregiver while he is gone, especially when he has a MOTHER who is 2 miles away.

I am actually packing up his things and giving her everything, with an note explaining that I am not doing this for anyother reason that I want him to be able to have his things when he needs them, and that we can return anything to the house when his dad gets home. He is also welcome to come visit, but I can't be her plan for childcare and I can't take care of him all the time. I know that if he has things there, she will call with "I need his ds or I need his blue shirt or he wants his bike". She does this. She invents reasons to come over to the house.

They have not been together as a couple for 6 years. SHe has however enabled and taken care of him and I think she has never really given up that role. Never moved on. When I moved in, she really cranked up the crazy. I am looking forward to him being gone because I need some peace. Her constant bugging me, trying to "help me out because she knows what I'm going through" I just can't deal with.

I also think there is a much more age appropriate way to talk to the little guy and that he doesn't need to hear all of the adult conversation. From the beginning, I've noticed that when she plays the victim role, she almost likes to point at her son when he fails and says "Look, it's because he has a piece of S$$t dad." She doesn't set him up for success, she doesn't do his homework with him or put him in sports, and when he has a tantrum, she blames his dad. Yes, there is blame to be placed. But wouldn't it be better to offer the kid some positivity and a chance?

If you have read this rant, thank you.

LexieCat

The woman has no boundaries.

Fortunately, you do. I think you are a hundred percent right. It's her child, it's her place to "explain everything". And with Dad not there, there is NO reason for the child, or her, to be at your house.

Remember, though, you have some recovery, she apparently doesn't. So thank her for the kind "offer" but explain it to her just like you did here. Don't expect her to agree, that's all.

Thumper

Lexie said it best and I'd start looking for my own apartment. It will decomplicate a number of issues.

Hmmmm - I'm thinking decomplicate isn't really a word, lol.

Impurrfect

I agree that you are doing the right thing. It's sad that mom isn't BEING much of a mom, but that's not your problem

((Thumper)) - I kinda LIKE the word decomplicate, whether it's actually a word or not

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

bellakeller

Just curious; who's house is it?

laurie6781

I think I too would start looking for my own apartment. He is not going to be too great if after rehab he comes straight back to his home instead of going to a Sober Living House for at least another 90 days or so and I am not sure I would want him around my child.

He will be bouncing off the walls for some time so looking for an apartment would be a good idea, but it is your call.

I do like the note you are going to give her with ALL of the child's possessions, good for you!!!!

Sounds like you have some really good boundaries going!

Love and hugs,

suki44883

I don't know why, but I am truly amazed at the gall of some people. It sounds like that mother doesn't really care who takes care of her son, so long as it isn't her. Dad's going to be gone for a while, well, then the job falls to his current girlfriend. What a crock. I know it's hard when kids are involved because they really are innocent in all of this. It's a shame he was born to two parents who can't seem to get their sh*t together.

Anyway, I agree with the others about getting your own place. Neither you nor your daughter should have to deal with the ex or any of her baggage and it doesn't sound like she knows when to just go away.

XXXXXXXXXX

It is his house. Technically it is his and his mothers, since evidently she signed for his mortgage. I didn't know that until now. He said that once we were married he was going to see if he could get his mother's name off the mortgage and mine there, so if anything was good about timing, this all came to a head just in time.

I feel bad for his mother, her credit and name is on the line and now that he doesn't have a job, savings will only pay the mortgage for so long. I guess again I will have to learn that is not my problem.

She is supportive of me stayting there until I figure things out and has even said that he may wind up doing more than 28 days or going to a sober-recovery house and I may be able to be there the rest of the school year. I am however checking out apartments.

bellakeller

Somebody up there loves you! Sounds like so much craziness with all the enablers coming out of the woodwork! You're doing great!

Babyblue

Uh. What?
She needs to parent the child.
That is HER job.

Period.
End of story.

No negotiating, feeling sorry for or getting sucked into her inability to parent.

You are going through enough already.

tjp613

I dunno. This may very well be the craziest thing I've ever heard... and I've heard some crazy sh*t in my life.