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Did I Fail?

Old 04-05-2011, 02:49 AM
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Did I Fail?

Tonight was the NCAA Basketball Championship. Myself, friends, and family were pulling for Butler to set a precedent that might garner reconsideration to NCAA seedings as well as the BC*BS*. Butler failed, and miserably. They played terrible basketball and probably set records for all time lows in championship history.

Anyways...

I'm a recent addition to this site. Although it's been over a week since I was drunk, I admit that I had 2 glasses of whiskey and 2 glasses of B&B tonight with my family and friends. As a (hopefully) recovering alcoholic, is there an acceptable amount of alcohol to drink or does it require complete abstinence in order to qualify as "recovery"? I have a high tolerance so over the course of a 4 hour night, 4 drinks wasn't enough to have much of an effect but it's the first time that I've drank in over a week.

I feel fine and am obviously completely coherent as I type this (though I'll bite my tongue if I post it and see a typo) so my question, as I progress towards my recovery, is whether or not it's acceptable to "socially drink". That's the part that sucks. I don't necessarily drink because of alcoholism but if everyone around me is drinking, it actually feels awkward if I don't at least "keep the pace".

Thoughts, opinions? (You can lay down a sledgehammer if you need to, my long term goal is more important than any short term punishment)
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:54 AM
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Alcoholics can't drink socially. It doesn't work.

Complete abstinence is essential.
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:57 AM
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Me personally, and most other alcoholics I've spoken to agree, have to abstain completely. If I have a few drinks then stop, the next time I feel safer so my guard goes down and it creeps back up.

I can't speak for anyone else, but alcoholism is a progressive condition. In my more healthy days when I was able to stop for long periods, as soon as I started having a nice, normal, healthy drink it would be the beginning of a downhill slide.

We go to great lengths to try to convince ourselves that we can drink just like everyone else. Alcoholics are either sober or drunk really. There isn't a lot in between.

But I have no idea if you are an alcoholic so this is only my own perspective. I wouldn't worry about what "qualifies" for recovery. If you are healthy and happy, that is all that matters.
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:57 AM
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Also, no offense to this great site and resource, but there are several people who sent me private messages that I can't respond to because the site rules are claiming that I need a minimum of 5 posts to respond. Nothing personal, but I feel this rule/guideline needs to be adjusted. If somebody comes in here as a raging lunatic, then fine, I accept the rule but I also consider it to be unfair to the people who sent me messages that I can't even reply to them.

Ugh. This site makes me want to drink. lol

To everyone who sent me a private message: I'm sorry I am unable to respond at this time but I promise that I will respond as soon as I am permitted to. Thank you for your messages and God Bless.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:02 AM
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Reply to this post, and you're there
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:14 AM
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SoberRightNow and Anna:

Thank you both for your replies. My very first post on here was in regards to the degree of alcoholic that I am. The fact is that I do drink excessively on weekends when I'm by myself. In the company of others, I can limit myself to a drink or two. It's frustrating because I don't want my "drink or two" on social nights to interfere with my bigger problem (drinking 750ml 2-3 nights a week). I acknowledge that the mass quantity I drink alone is very unhealthy and has caused a lot of problems with my friends, family, and otherwise but I'm honestly not sure how to proceed moving forward.

A part of me recognizes what both of you have said about abstinence, but that's the toughest trend to break as I've been a "social drinker" for almost half my life prior to doing a cannon ball into a bottle for awhile. If abstinence is required, then I'm still an alcoholic due to my 4 drinks tonight. It does pose an interesting question though in regards to "acceptable" drinking limits. If the people around me are drinking as much or more than I'm drinking, what should I label myself as???

Again, please keep in mind that I'm new to this site and am a recent but (hopefully) recovering "alcoholic". I might be confused as to what qualifies "alcoholic" vs "average joe" especially on a night like tonight where I drank less than everybody at the party. Not sure. I've trashed weeks of my life and sabotaged a lot of relationships because of this problem, but some people say I'm not an alcoholic while others do. It's frustrating but it's STILL a problem because I have had weeks where I was drunk for half the week.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:19 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberRightNow View Post
Reply to this post, and you're there
Hahaha. Well you and Anna get the assist on that one. It's extremely late where I live and since I own a business, I really need to get some sleep but if nothing else I can reply to the people that sent me messages sometime later today/tomorrow.

Thanks.
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:01 AM
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Hi Got2stop

I dunno about you but everytime I drank I could never be sure of the outcome.

I spent years trying to control my drinking - and I was desperately unhappy whether I was drinking or not....

since I finally gave up alcohol and worked on myself, I'm happy for the first time in my adult life.
I don't believe that's a co-incidence

D
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:18 AM
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Back when I was drinking, I could, on occasion, control it for brief periods of time. I could go to a party and have what anyone would consider a "moderate" amount.

After a short time of doing that, however, I would inevitably boomerang back into destructive, out-of-control drinking.

So I couldn't control it reliably or long-term, no matter how much I tried. The only solution for me was to quit drinking entirely because ANY alcohol consumption worked on my head and convinced me that I was "OK" to drink. I am not "OK" to drink. It takes over my life.

Not every alcoholic gets sh*tfaced drunk every time s/he puts lips to bottle.
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Old 04-05-2011, 05:51 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Back when I was drinking, I could, on occasion, control it for brief periods of time. I could go to a party and have what anyone would consider a "moderate" amount.

After a short time of doing that, however, I would inevitably boomerang back into destructive, out-of-control drinking.

So I couldn't control it reliably or long-term, no matter how much I tried. The only solution for me was to quit drinking entirely because ANY alcohol consumption worked on my head and convinced me that I was "OK" to drink. I am not "OK" to drink. It takes over my life.

Not every alcoholic gets sh*tfaced drunk every time s/he puts lips to bottle.
This describes me perfectly. In AA there is a saying "play the tape all the way through". This means to me that, even if I did go out and successfully moderate my drinking for a while, I would end up in the same hell I was in before I quit.

I tried this multiple times and have never been successful. The Big Book has put it this way:

All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse.
p30 and 31
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Old 04-05-2011, 05:58 AM
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When I drink its opening pandoras box. I don't know what will happen. I can be happy, sad, destructive, financially irresponsible etc.... I relapsed over the weekend and still feel like hell. There is only one solution to my problem and that is to not drink PeRiOd. Nothing good has ever come from my drinking.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:02 AM
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Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
In AA there is a saying "play the tape all the way through".
No, AA does not say that. Some people who have never been through the BB or the Steps continue to spout that line which is contradictory to AA and the BB.

Instead, AA says,
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The whole foundation of AA is the inability to play the tape through and have that be an effective deterrent to picking up a drink. Tape playing might work for any number of people (or it might not judging by the what I see on this forum), but AA begins where tape playing ends.

The pertinent question, as always, is 'how's that working for you?' If playing the tape through is giving you permanent sobriety, then great, you're done. Way to go, tiger! But if it's not working, AA has an answer.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:30 AM
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I have been intending to attempt social drinking / moderation once I finish my 30 days, but the more I think about it, it seems like it might not even be worth the effort. Having to be so careful not to overdo it and always making sure u dont get carried away and revert back to old habits of binging. I'm still on the fence if I will attempt teh moderation or not, but it s beginning to seem silly to let something back into my life that has caused me so much trouble.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Got2Stop View Post
SoberRightNow and Anna:

Thank you both for your replies. My very first post on here was in regards to the degree of alcoholic that I am. The fact is that I do drink excessively on weekends when I'm by myself. In the company of others, I can limit myself to a drink or two. It's frustrating because I don't want my "drink or two" on social nights to interfere with my bigger problem (drinking 750ml 2-3 nights a week). I acknowledge that the mass quantity I drink alone is very unhealthy and has caused a lot of problems with my friends, family, and otherwise but I'm honestly not sure how to proceed moving forward.

A part of me recognizes what both of you have said about abstinence, but that's the toughest trend to break as I've been a "social drinker" for almost half my life prior to doing a cannon ball into a bottle for awhile. If abstinence is required, then I'm still an alcoholic due to my 4 drinks tonight. It does pose an interesting question though in regards to "acceptable" drinking limits. If the people around me are drinking as much or more than I'm drinking, what should I label myself as???

Again, please keep in mind that I'm new to this site and am a recent but (hopefully) recovering "alcoholic". I might be confused as to what qualifies "alcoholic" vs "average joe" especially on a night like tonight where I drank less than everybody at the party. Not sure. I've trashed weeks of my life and sabotaged a lot of relationships because of this problem, but some people say I'm not an alcoholic while others do. It's frustrating but it's STILL a problem because I have had weeks where I was drunk for half the week.
Your drinking sounds very similiar to how I used to drink. When by myself, I could polish off a fifth of whisky, but when out with friends I had few problems limiting myself to 3-4 drinks over the evening. You are the only one who can decide if you have a problem and what the extent of the problem is. Once you figure that out, you have to decide what to do about it.

For me, I found that if I continued to allow myself to drink "socially" with friends, I would eventually end up "giving myself permission" to get hammered by myself. My rational was that I could drink "normally", as shown by my ability to "control" my drinking with friends, so it wouldn't matter if I caught a buzz at home by myself. For whatever reason, when drinking alone, I almost always end up drinking way too much. For this reason I decided that, for me, it was best not to drink at all. I still go out with friends occassionally and just say that I am not drinking because of the medication that I take, which is true. Nobody is really bothered by that, and I sure don't miss the hangovers. Hope this helps. Take care.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:41 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Back when I was drinking, I could, on occasion, control it for brief periods of time. I could go to a party and have what anyone would consider a "moderate" amount.

After a short time of doing that, however, I would inevitably boomerang back into destructive, out-of-control drinking.

So I couldn't control it reliably or long-term, no matter how much I tried. The only solution for me was to quit drinking entirely because ANY alcohol consumption worked on my head and convinced me that I was "OK" to drink. I am not "OK" to drink. It takes over my life.

Not every alcoholic gets sh*tfaced drunk every time s/he puts lips to bottle.
Wow. Ditto on this for me.

I did not get HAMMERED everytime I drank but when I did, self destruction was inevitable.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:47 AM
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Welcome Got2Stop...your term drinking social then cannonballing into the bottle leads me to believe your drinking has progressed.
It's not so much what you do in front of friends in a social setting as your feelings and actions when you are not. If you are stressing over if you drink too much or not then you probably are.
Part of recovery is admitting you have a problem understanding that it is out of control and eliminating the denial that its affecting your life.
This is a good start...read around...glad you're here.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:47 AM
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Welcome

It really doesn't matter if you drink more or less than people around you. It also doesn't matter what other people think about your drinking, or how 'they' might label you. Thank goodness! What does matter is that you're not drinking like a 'normal' drinker. Drinking has caused problems in your life, which means it's a problem for you.

Why not stop for 30 days and see how you feel? That might answer some questions you have about whether or not you're an alcoholic.

In my opinion, there is no 'acceptable amount' of drinking that is congruent with recovery. I either drink, or I don't drink.. Luckily I choose the latter, every day.. so far for a little over two years. I have no interest in wedging my foot in the doors of my drinking hell again, it's not worth it to me.

If you're not an alcoholic, you should have no problem following the 'acceptable' (using your terminology) drinking guidelines established by the DGA:

According to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans,1 drinking in moderation is defined as having no more than 1 drink per day for women and no more than 2 drinks per day for men. This definition is referring to the amount consumed on any single day and is not intended as an average over several days. Source: CDC
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:51 AM
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Originally Posted by keithj View Post
No, AA does not say that. Some people who have never been through the BB or the Steps continue to spout that line which is contradictory to AA and the BB.
Sorry Keith, but please re-read my post. I said "there is a saying in AA", which is not the same as "AA says", "The big book says" or "the steps say".

I have been to hundreds of meetings and I've heard this saying or slogan if you will dozens of times. Nor is it contradictory to AA or the steps just because those exact words are not in there. Heck I provided 2 quotes directly from the big book to add some weight to my post.

The rest of your post I agree with 100%
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:00 AM
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First and foremost don't be too hard on yourself. Just take one day at a time. Do not make promises to yourself or others, simply "do your best" and that is all that yourself as well as anyone else could expect.

You obviously had a "slip up" last night. I will just say that being an alcoholic I have FINALLY come to terms with the fact that I CANNOT drink. I have tried to convince myself that, after being sober for 2-3 weeks that I could start back and that I could control it. Who was I kidding. I was right back into old habits before I knew it.

If you truly believe that you are an alcoholic, you simply cannot drink. I know it's hard and I'm not about to sit here and tell you that it's going to get easier because it's not. However, it is well worth the fight. I don't know if you are going to AA meetings or not but all I can say is that they have helped me more than you could imagine. The support from the members has been incredible.

Hang in there!
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:18 AM
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Hi Got-to-stop-

Your name doesn't really go with your thoughts on this post.

Do you want do stop or not? It doesn't sound like you do and hey, maybe that's ok, but coming on to a recovery site and trying to justify your drinking is sort of...insane.

If you're an alcoholic, then drinking is dangerous. Heck, it wasn't that hard to behave from time-to-time anyway.

To they own self be true

You know. You already know, but your drinking on any level can always be justified, can't it?

Let us know if you'd like some help in quitting for good.

Kjell~
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