suic

I've lost all credibility, especially with that wonderful Wethouse post
But tomorrow I have to start again. I am near death. I need medical attention tomorrow. Some benzos, not to get high but to stop me from dying of a seizure. And AA. Why do I think passing out in public places is a fun way to spend a day? WHY DO I NOT UTILIZE THE RESOURCES AT MY DISPOSAL TO HELP ME? I do understand step 1- I am hopelessly addicted to alcohol and drugs. The fact that I've relapsed about 10 times since June is proof of that. I'm hopeless, yet I'm not hopeless, as long as I seek spiritual help. I do have the capacity to recover. I'm 24. Too young to die

suic

I have this juvenile addict mentality that I need to "enhance" everything, even things like getting the mail and doing laundry. That's what always gets me. Life just seems boring if Im not stoned.

EmeraldRose

No, I can only imagine that passing out in a public place is not a productive way to spend the day.
Do you have a dr. appt. tomorrow? That would be great if you could continue on the path that you describe of seeking help physically and mentally.

suic

I will go to Urgent care, get my vitals checked (afraid to see the results).

LaFemme

I needed to drink to do things like clean, laundry, get the mail, take out the trash...its not boring, that's the addict voice.

You can do it...take advantage of the resources at your disposal.

Hugs, lafemme

suic

Yes I call my addict voice Matt Millen because he constantly says really stupid things and makes bonehead decisions.

MsCooterBrown

I just needed to drink..just to drink! I blamed it on having to change the litter box. But really..any occasion was a reason to drink..
I am glad you are going to give sobriety your all now. You have your whole life ahead of you.

suic

None of us "need" to drink, that's our disease lying to us.

Dee74

It's never too late Suic.

Go see your Dr - see what treatment they suggest - and chase up a meeting.

That would be a really good day's work.

D

suic

Thank you for the advice, D, and might I ask is your avatar Pink Floyd from The Muppet Show?

Dee74

Floyd Pepper, yeah
Unkind people say we look alike

D

LexieCat

suic,

Go to the doctor, get to AA. I totally relate to boring household chores seeming bearable only after a few drinks. I'm still not Susie Homemaker, but I can stand to do them sober, now (and it's actually a lot easier when you can SEE the dirt clearly).

cabledude

And what will you do if your caring medical professional doesn't agree with your belief that you need the benzo's?

Be prepared to badger him/her at length and threaten all sorts of awful things you might do to yourself or others. Chances are good you'll score then-you know how anxious they can be made to become to get to the next sane patient.

Ever get tired of the way it turns out, doing things the way your head tells you they are best done?

LexieCat

Here's an idea, suic,

Why not check in for a medically-supervised detox (which won't involve taking pills with you when you leave) and get hooked up with an intensive outpatient (or even in-patient) program? The Salvation Army has what is reputed to be an excellent recovery program.

If you don't make getting sober (and staying that way) your top priority, you will just keep circling around it the way you have been.

keithj

That fact tells you two things. One, that you are probably alcoholic like AA's BB describes, and two, that willpower is just not working for you.

Yes, you do have the capacity to recover. All of us do, for the most part. It's funny, but that little nick of 'seeking spiritual help' came to me as well when I got sober. I had been around AA, very committed and involved, but not working the Steps (i.e., not seeking spiritual help). And there I was, drunk after a few months out of rehab.

I was filled with desperation and hopelessness, and the idea came to me that God was the answer to all this. Funny thought to come to a staunch atheist like me, but there it was. Those folks who talked about a spiritual awakening as being the only hope for a hopeless alkie like me.

So I grabbed the phone, tracked down the number of the scariest BB thumper I knew, and called to ask for help. He took me through the Steps, showed me the 'real' AA I had been missing, walked me through the directions to have a spiritual awakening. I followed those directions as best I could, and I recovered. Period. End of story.

I stay in those actions today, and I've had many years of contented sobriety that have far exceeded my expectations.

GettingStronger2

You need spiritual help and medical attention. I am happy you are going to seek both. I agree with Lexie, why not try a detox where benzos may not be the answer. Last thing you need is another addictive drug in you system.

You are not hopeless, none of us are. If you have the capacity to be honest with yourself, you can recover.

Get yourself physically better, and seek out a meeting. You can recover.