Got a job and things are still going...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Got a job and things are still going...
I started my job last week and things are going great there, I get my first check in a couple of weeks so I'll have the finances taken care of for the kids and myself AND they're ok with me needing days off (things that I have scheduled and I can't change) AND AND AND they're offering me a nursing position as soon as I pass my boards!
I got my electric turned on, I'll be getting the water turned on next and a new water heater. In the meantime I have to finish laying my luan down so the house will be ready to move into after the waterheater is installed. WOW, I can't believe it's really happening and things are really moving so easily.
AH is still convinced we aren't done, he's convinced we're messing up by divorcing and has been overly nice (as in nice the way you should be to the person you love on a daily basis, not when she's leaving and beyond fed up with your BS). I guess this is his last ditch attempt to show me what I'm leaving behind.
I can honestly say I do feel a great deal of sadness over the way things turned out and that I do love parts of him. I've come to realize though after all these years that this is just the way he is. I decided I had two choices...
**I could either love and live with him for the person he is and always has been and continue with things because it will not change
OR
**I could love my kids and myself enough to realize that I can't accept the way we interact together and that this isn't the person I wish to include on an intimate basis in our lives
I chose the latter. If everything goes smoothly the divorce should be final by the end of June. I still cry over the loss, I still get mad at him, I still get mad at how I've allowed things to be, I still worry about paying the bills, and caring for the kids. I still don't know how things will play out for my autistic son.
The one thing I have realized is that I will still feel these ways even if I DID choose to stay.
I got my electric turned on, I'll be getting the water turned on next and a new water heater. In the meantime I have to finish laying my luan down so the house will be ready to move into after the waterheater is installed. WOW, I can't believe it's really happening and things are really moving so easily.
AH is still convinced we aren't done, he's convinced we're messing up by divorcing and has been overly nice (as in nice the way you should be to the person you love on a daily basis, not when she's leaving and beyond fed up with your BS). I guess this is his last ditch attempt to show me what I'm leaving behind.
I can honestly say I do feel a great deal of sadness over the way things turned out and that I do love parts of him. I've come to realize though after all these years that this is just the way he is. I decided I had two choices...
**I could either love and live with him for the person he is and always has been and continue with things because it will not change
OR
**I could love my kids and myself enough to realize that I can't accept the way we interact together and that this isn't the person I wish to include on an intimate basis in our lives
I chose the latter. If everything goes smoothly the divorce should be final by the end of June. I still cry over the loss, I still get mad at him, I still get mad at how I've allowed things to be, I still worry about paying the bills, and caring for the kids. I still don't know how things will play out for my autistic son.
The one thing I have realized is that I will still feel these ways even if I DID choose to stay.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Congratulations on all of the successes you are experiencing right now!
I'm a big fan of emotions right now, so I will say that you go ahead and feel angry and sad, and feel whatever you need to in order to go through the process. But beating yourself up for letting things be like they were for 'too long' is not helpful to anyone. It seems we all have to go through what we have to go through before we are able to make the decision 100%. When we are ready, we're ready, and no sooner.
It's happening baby, believe it! So happy for you!
I'm a big fan of emotions right now, so I will say that you go ahead and feel angry and sad, and feel whatever you need to in order to go through the process. But beating yourself up for letting things be like they were for 'too long' is not helpful to anyone. It seems we all have to go through what we have to go through before we are able to make the decision 100%. When we are ready, we're ready, and no sooner.
It's happening baby, believe it! So happy for you!
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