Disaster weekend
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Disaster weekend
So much for my past week or two of feeling sane...
Thurs I got told not only has my job been cut but that all of us who are untenured are getting "non renewal" letters (typically given when you do a crappy job and are getting fired) instead of pink slips. The district is trying to make it seem that we didn't do a good job, even though the fact is that our jobs have been CUT. A non renewal letter means the district doesn't have to pay unemployment so they are giving those out to those they can. Since my state is an "at will" state as far as employment goes, teachers without tenure (3 yrs in the district) can be let go and given no reason. My only saving grace is that the newspaper has said that my position specifically was cut so hopefully I can bring that with me on future job interviews? The only people who got pink slips were those whose jobs were cut who had tenure. They get unemployment benefits and don't have the non renewal mark on their record. The rest of us are s.o.l.
It's unethical but legal and what it means is that I will have an almost impossible time finding another teaching job. A non renewal (even if it's bc your job was cut) is the scarlet letter of teaching and I feel like the career I've worked my butt off for for 14 yrs has been shattered.
I live in a small state, there are NO teaching jobs and I am scared to death about what to do.
Here's where I created additional misery of my own... STUPIDLY when H came over to see the girls Thurs night and could see I was visibly shaken (I miraculously kept it together until the girls were in bed) he asked what was up. I told him what had happened and was bawling and let myself think that maybe he'd be kind or comforting? I know, I know... I set myself up. But I wasn't thinking rationally... Before I know it he's telling me how down he is, how hard things have been for him and how I've contributed to that and that maybe my job loss is karma paying me back for how I've treated him.
Guess how that went over? I lost it. Big time. And lost it again on Fri when he came over to make a show of getting ALL his things and tell the girls I was kicking him out for good. And lost it again on Sat when he said he might not show up for D5's dance recital and told me to be the one to tell her that.
I can't deal with my job disappearing, my kids lives being dissembled, my financial future being shakier than I ever imagined AND put up with a sick alcoholic bpd sob. I can't do it.
I need something stable and my job was it. I felt that at least if I HAD to, I could make it on my own with the girls and now I can't. I've started job searching and there is NOTHING. Ads for teaching say that Master's level or Step 10+ teachers ought not apply (I am both). So I guess I can work at Target for $9 p/hr, lose my house, pull my kids out of their schools, default on my student loans, wreck my credit since I can't make payments on bills etc...
I've NEVER lived extravagently. I don't buy things for myself, I don't go on vacations, I just live frugally and simply and there's no room for cuts bc I don't have any extraneous expenses (I guess internet is one...)
So, I am totally panic stricken about my job, my kids, our financial existance and all I can count on from my H is horrifying behavior.
At this point I don't give a sh*t about his disease, fears, his need to be treated like the King Baby 24:7, why his behavior is really a reflection of his own worries etc... It's time for him to grow up. He has destroyed this family, has stolen thousands of $'s over the past few yrs to feed his addiction and his innocent kids are paying the price for his sins. We have no savings because of HIM. And I've been able to live with all of this for years to a certain degree bc I knew I could provide the girls stability even if he couldn't, and now I can't. I feel like an awful mother, I had to tell the girls this morning that our summer vacation is not happening and they are 5 and 3 and don't get it and shouldn't have to. It sucks and is unfair.
If I'd been irresponsible and caused this on my own (my job loss) I'd be miserable but could blame myself. I can't make sense of it and I can't fix it and I've gotten nothing but good reviews my whole career but now bc I am being let go bc of a "non renewal" I can't get references from my bosses unless I write a letter saying I willingly gave up my position (which eliminates all possibility of unemployment). It's like legal blackmail.
Suddenly all that matters is the district saving themselves money. Not a worry at all about screwing over good employees.
And my H being horrid on top of it was the icing on the cake.
I'm ready, seriously, to go check myself into the nearest mental hospital.
Thurs I got told not only has my job been cut but that all of us who are untenured are getting "non renewal" letters (typically given when you do a crappy job and are getting fired) instead of pink slips. The district is trying to make it seem that we didn't do a good job, even though the fact is that our jobs have been CUT. A non renewal letter means the district doesn't have to pay unemployment so they are giving those out to those they can. Since my state is an "at will" state as far as employment goes, teachers without tenure (3 yrs in the district) can be let go and given no reason. My only saving grace is that the newspaper has said that my position specifically was cut so hopefully I can bring that with me on future job interviews? The only people who got pink slips were those whose jobs were cut who had tenure. They get unemployment benefits and don't have the non renewal mark on their record. The rest of us are s.o.l.
It's unethical but legal and what it means is that I will have an almost impossible time finding another teaching job. A non renewal (even if it's bc your job was cut) is the scarlet letter of teaching and I feel like the career I've worked my butt off for for 14 yrs has been shattered.
I live in a small state, there are NO teaching jobs and I am scared to death about what to do.
Here's where I created additional misery of my own... STUPIDLY when H came over to see the girls Thurs night and could see I was visibly shaken (I miraculously kept it together until the girls were in bed) he asked what was up. I told him what had happened and was bawling and let myself think that maybe he'd be kind or comforting? I know, I know... I set myself up. But I wasn't thinking rationally... Before I know it he's telling me how down he is, how hard things have been for him and how I've contributed to that and that maybe my job loss is karma paying me back for how I've treated him.
Guess how that went over? I lost it. Big time. And lost it again on Fri when he came over to make a show of getting ALL his things and tell the girls I was kicking him out for good. And lost it again on Sat when he said he might not show up for D5's dance recital and told me to be the one to tell her that.
I can't deal with my job disappearing, my kids lives being dissembled, my financial future being shakier than I ever imagined AND put up with a sick alcoholic bpd sob. I can't do it.
I need something stable and my job was it. I felt that at least if I HAD to, I could make it on my own with the girls and now I can't. I've started job searching and there is NOTHING. Ads for teaching say that Master's level or Step 10+ teachers ought not apply (I am both). So I guess I can work at Target for $9 p/hr, lose my house, pull my kids out of their schools, default on my student loans, wreck my credit since I can't make payments on bills etc...
I've NEVER lived extravagently. I don't buy things for myself, I don't go on vacations, I just live frugally and simply and there's no room for cuts bc I don't have any extraneous expenses (I guess internet is one...)
So, I am totally panic stricken about my job, my kids, our financial existance and all I can count on from my H is horrifying behavior.
At this point I don't give a sh*t about his disease, fears, his need to be treated like the King Baby 24:7, why his behavior is really a reflection of his own worries etc... It's time for him to grow up. He has destroyed this family, has stolen thousands of $'s over the past few yrs to feed his addiction and his innocent kids are paying the price for his sins. We have no savings because of HIM. And I've been able to live with all of this for years to a certain degree bc I knew I could provide the girls stability even if he couldn't, and now I can't. I feel like an awful mother, I had to tell the girls this morning that our summer vacation is not happening and they are 5 and 3 and don't get it and shouldn't have to. It sucks and is unfair.
If I'd been irresponsible and caused this on my own (my job loss) I'd be miserable but could blame myself. I can't make sense of it and I can't fix it and I've gotten nothing but good reviews my whole career but now bc I am being let go bc of a "non renewal" I can't get references from my bosses unless I write a letter saying I willingly gave up my position (which eliminates all possibility of unemployment). It's like legal blackmail.
Suddenly all that matters is the district saving themselves money. Not a worry at all about screwing over good employees.
And my H being horrid on top of it was the icing on the cake.
I'm ready, seriously, to go check myself into the nearest mental hospital.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
First things first: Don't panic. I always take the first emotion I feel and jump on it with both feet. I was raised in a very dysfunctional home and had a bad marriage so for me that emotion is panic and helplessness. Breathe - breathe - breathe.
Although you got a non-renewal letter, is it possible to get a letter of recommendation from the district? Keep in mind - many other school districts are probably in the same $$ situation as your district and realize that a non-renewal these days is not necessarily a comment on a teacher's effectiveness. In the meantime, gather pictures of you and your students working together. Letters or gifts they have given you. Stuff that shows you are a good teacher and your students like you.
Regarding the rest of your post (deep breath - here goes....)
1. He is an idiot. If karma actually worked that way, every manipulative alcoholic in the world would be staked down to the ground, covered in honey, and attacked by army ants.
2. What kind of person attacks another person emotionally when they have just found out they are losing their job? Not only an idiot, but an a$$ as well.
3. Is it possible for you to work as a teachers aide, a personal assistant to a student who is physically handicapped, or at a place like Sylvan or Huntingdon? How about becoming a private tutor and offering lessons at the library (I did this). Or working online as a tutor - there are several companies that do this (I did this too). It wasn't much, but every little bit helps. What about kids who are in the hospital for extended periods of time - they could probably use some help catching up with their classes.
I know what you are going through, I really do. In the space of 2 years - during the pre-divorce and divorce period - my grandma died, my grandpa died, my dad died, I changed jobs, went full-time, went overnights and moved twice. Its a wonder I'm not in a padded cell. I called it "God's crew cut". Ya know how sometimes, you get a bunch of stuff done to your hair - like perm plus a cut plus a color - and the result looks like something designed to frighten small children?
And the only solution is to cut it all off and start over. That's what I call what happened to me. At the time, I worked at 2x weekly Al-anon meeting schedule and had an absolutely Iron Chef sponsor. She was a no-crap woman who cut throught stinking thinking pretty quickly - both his and mine.
I still have a long way to go - I am underemployed, too much of a loner and really looking to improve myself in many ways. But at least I am not living with the ex anymore. That right there is the best thing, I think. The state/federal government can help you with food, money, housing. But they can't give you your sanity.
PS: Find a support group for single parents. They can probably give you lots of other advice and ideas that you wouldn't think of. They know the best places to get your car repaired on the cheap, good babysitters, places that are hiring, etc. Just an idea...
Although you got a non-renewal letter, is it possible to get a letter of recommendation from the district? Keep in mind - many other school districts are probably in the same $$ situation as your district and realize that a non-renewal these days is not necessarily a comment on a teacher's effectiveness. In the meantime, gather pictures of you and your students working together. Letters or gifts they have given you. Stuff that shows you are a good teacher and your students like you.
Regarding the rest of your post (deep breath - here goes....)
1. He is an idiot. If karma actually worked that way, every manipulative alcoholic in the world would be staked down to the ground, covered in honey, and attacked by army ants.
2. What kind of person attacks another person emotionally when they have just found out they are losing their job? Not only an idiot, but an a$$ as well.
3. Is it possible for you to work as a teachers aide, a personal assistant to a student who is physically handicapped, or at a place like Sylvan or Huntingdon? How about becoming a private tutor and offering lessons at the library (I did this). Or working online as a tutor - there are several companies that do this (I did this too). It wasn't much, but every little bit helps. What about kids who are in the hospital for extended periods of time - they could probably use some help catching up with their classes.
I know what you are going through, I really do. In the space of 2 years - during the pre-divorce and divorce period - my grandma died, my grandpa died, my dad died, I changed jobs, went full-time, went overnights and moved twice. Its a wonder I'm not in a padded cell. I called it "God's crew cut". Ya know how sometimes, you get a bunch of stuff done to your hair - like perm plus a cut plus a color - and the result looks like something designed to frighten small children?
And the only solution is to cut it all off and start over. That's what I call what happened to me. At the time, I worked at 2x weekly Al-anon meeting schedule and had an absolutely Iron Chef sponsor. She was a no-crap woman who cut throught stinking thinking pretty quickly - both his and mine.I still have a long way to go - I am underemployed, too much of a loner and really looking to improve myself in many ways. But at least I am not living with the ex anymore. That right there is the best thing, I think. The state/federal government can help you with food, money, housing. But they can't give you your sanity.
PS: Find a support group for single parents. They can probably give you lots of other advice and ideas that you wouldn't think of. They know the best places to get your car repaired on the cheap, good babysitters, places that are hiring, etc. Just an idea...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It may be "time" for him to grow up, but it doesn't look like that is on the horizon, so don't get yourself in a tizzy over it. He has been this way for a long time and he ain't changing anytime soon. You don't have to have a shred of sympathy for him, but letting yourself get consumed with anger is a distraction when you need to be focused.
Focus on the job situation. If you did not leave, voluntarily, and there is no "cause" for your non-renewal (however people in your profession might view that designation), you should be entitled to unemployment. Unemployment isn't "bound" by the fact that a non-renewal is considered a "black mark" on your resume by those in your profession. The two have nothing to do with each other. It is clear, if everyone in your position was treated the same, that the district did not suddenly decide all of you were bad teachers. I think you can win that one.
Moreover, the same goes for any applications you submit. You attach a letter of explanation. In this economy, everyone recognizes that things aren't normal.
Think outside the box. Teaching and flipping burgers surely are not the only things you are qualified to do. I've filled more than one gap in my work time with temporary/contract positions. Register with some of those. Sometimes those even lead to "regular" jobs with benefits.
I know the prospect of losing your job is a panicky feeling. Things will probably be tight for awhile. Keep a cool head and keep brainstorming. Things WILL work out. You and the kids will not be living under a bridge.
But don't let your anger at your husband derail you from what you need to do for yourself and the kids. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and believe that you can do what you need to do.
Hugs,
Focus on the job situation. If you did not leave, voluntarily, and there is no "cause" for your non-renewal (however people in your profession might view that designation), you should be entitled to unemployment. Unemployment isn't "bound" by the fact that a non-renewal is considered a "black mark" on your resume by those in your profession. The two have nothing to do with each other. It is clear, if everyone in your position was treated the same, that the district did not suddenly decide all of you were bad teachers. I think you can win that one.
Moreover, the same goes for any applications you submit. You attach a letter of explanation. In this economy, everyone recognizes that things aren't normal.
Think outside the box. Teaching and flipping burgers surely are not the only things you are qualified to do. I've filled more than one gap in my work time with temporary/contract positions. Register with some of those. Sometimes those even lead to "regular" jobs with benefits.
I know the prospect of losing your job is a panicky feeling. Things will probably be tight for awhile. Keep a cool head and keep brainstorming. Things WILL work out. You and the kids will not be living under a bridge.
But don't let your anger at your husband derail you from what you need to do for yourself and the kids. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and believe that you can do what you need to do.
Hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I didn't give all the details I realized afterward... I can resign and get a letter of reference from my Principal and direct administrator. If I resign then I do not qualify for unemployment since it is voluntary leaving. If I stick with the non renewal I CAN get unemployment but NO ONE (HR gave me a letter making this clear) from the district can be a reference (written or verbal).
It feels like blackmail bc it is.
I know that I can do lots of things to earn a buck, but I've been making pretty good money and even with that things have been tight. So, I don't really know what to do. Subbing, tutoring etc... is fine but it won't help financially and I'll be better off just staying home with D3 than taking a low paying job and paying for her to go to school.
I know in a few days I'll be in a better frame of mind but right now I am upset and angry that this is happening. I feel like I've worked my tail off and done my time in bottom of the barrell jobs and at this point in my life/career I shouldn't be starting over.
I know I am whining. Sorry. It's where I am right now... I live in a really small state and there's no real metropolitan area (where temp jobs are, where tutoring co's like Sylvan are) closer than 2 hrs away... I guess I can move?
It feels like blackmail bc it is.
I know that I can do lots of things to earn a buck, but I've been making pretty good money and even with that things have been tight. So, I don't really know what to do. Subbing, tutoring etc... is fine but it won't help financially and I'll be better off just staying home with D3 than taking a low paying job and paying for her to go to school.
I know in a few days I'll be in a better frame of mind but right now I am upset and angry that this is happening. I feel like I've worked my tail off and done my time in bottom of the barrell jobs and at this point in my life/career I shouldn't be starting over.
I know I am whining. Sorry. It's where I am right now... I live in a really small state and there's no real metropolitan area (where temp jobs are, where tutoring co's like Sylvan are) closer than 2 hrs away... I guess I can move?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 342
Hugs to you (((WTBH))).
You are facing a lot of tough challenges and you already faced a lot and made it through.
I felt like you felt a couple of weeks ago, thinking about my contract ending and not knowing what I would do. A friend of mine said to me that I was still counting on AH to be there for me and she suggested that I face the reality that he is not there for me.
Somehow hearing her say that and accepting it (more than I had been) is helping me stay more calm and focused (not all the time) and put 1 foot in front of the other and take care of what I need to take care of.
The good part is I make sure I enjoy where I am at. Have a laugh with the kids, take time for fun and even though I still feel real bad at times, the good times are so special for me.
Take care and best wishes for finding what you need.
You are facing a lot of tough challenges and you already faced a lot and made it through.
I felt like you felt a couple of weeks ago, thinking about my contract ending and not knowing what I would do. A friend of mine said to me that I was still counting on AH to be there for me and she suggested that I face the reality that he is not there for me.
Somehow hearing her say that and accepting it (more than I had been) is helping me stay more calm and focused (not all the time) and put 1 foot in front of the other and take care of what I need to take care of.
The good part is I make sure I enjoy where I am at. Have a laugh with the kids, take time for fun and even though I still feel real bad at times, the good times are so special for me.
Take care and best wishes for finding what you need.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 347
I was reading your post and it stuck me of the instability in teaching. I am also a teacher, and we are very aware that there will be some, many nonrenewal letters in our district. I do have tenure at least to fall back on, but still how scary. I have no idea your situtation, but my fall back plan in case anything happens to my job teaching is to babysit in my home. Not my first choice, but I know that my babsitter does very well - and I would get to be with my kids....just a thought.
I really feel for you though...our district is not going to let anyone know anything until after May 1.
Take care!!
I really feel for you though...our district is not going to let anyone know anything until after May 1.
Take care!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
What purple squirrel said...
But as a single mother who works on yearly contract...just breathe, then strategize. You are way more resourceful than you feel right now. And turn this over to your HP to open a new door for you. Then keep your eyes open for those doors... don't let one pass you by without a thorough investigation of the potentials behind it.
Lastly - comfort? From an alcoholic? That needs to go... I know its a hard one to throw out but that is your own stinkin thinkin. They can't comfort; they aren't even in touch with their OWN feelings, much less anyone else's.
But as a single mother who works on yearly contract...just breathe, then strategize. You are way more resourceful than you feel right now. And turn this over to your HP to open a new door for you. Then keep your eyes open for those doors... don't let one pass you by without a thorough investigation of the potentials behind it.
Lastly - comfort? From an alcoholic? That needs to go... I know its a hard one to throw out but that is your own stinkin thinkin. They can't comfort; they aren't even in touch with their OWN feelings, much less anyone else's.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
These are just my thoughts:
I would not resign. Gather all of the information you can - evaluations, correspondence, etc. while you still work for them and have access to it. Send it to your home address and also print it out. Document, document, document in case you need it.
When you are out of work file for unemployment and if it is denied you have a right to appeal.
Unemployment will buy you some time to find something else.
You have not done ANYTHING wrong. You are a victim of the economy.
I have learned to expect NOTHING from my ex. I can't count on him for anything. I am going out of town in a few days and even though he has offered to check on our animals I am having a girl from the vet office come by. I would rather pay her than count on him to be sober.
If I give my XAH any information it usually is used against me. That happened to you.
Your alcoholic is an ass.
I would not resign. Gather all of the information you can - evaluations, correspondence, etc. while you still work for them and have access to it. Send it to your home address and also print it out. Document, document, document in case you need it.
When you are out of work file for unemployment and if it is denied you have a right to appeal.
Unemployment will buy you some time to find something else.
You have not done ANYTHING wrong. You are a victim of the economy.
I have learned to expect NOTHING from my ex. I can't count on him for anything. I am going out of town in a few days and even though he has offered to check on our animals I am having a girl from the vet office come by. I would rather pay her than count on him to be sober.
If I give my XAH any information it usually is used against me. That happened to you.
Your alcoholic is an ass.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I wouldn't do the resignation thing. You don't know how long you may be out of work, and you need the benefits more than you need the reference right now. You will survive without the reference. They will have to confirm that you worked there, and save whatever you received that put you in that "either-or" position. That will show any future employer WHY you cannot get a reference.
Besides, you can always get parents to write you letters saying you were a great teacher. I would reach out to some of them the minute you are no longer employed (in case it's considered unethical or anything while you are still working).
What I was suggesting about contract employment (aka "temping") is that you consider any job for which you would be qualified--not just teaching. Some of those jobs pay pretty well, because there are no benefits to factor in. Worth considering, anyway.
Besides, you can always get parents to write you letters saying you were a great teacher. I would reach out to some of them the minute you are no longer employed (in case it's considered unethical or anything while you are still working).
What I was suggesting about contract employment (aka "temping") is that you consider any job for which you would be qualified--not just teaching. Some of those jobs pay pretty well, because there are no benefits to factor in. Worth considering, anyway.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I am so sorry you are in the middle of such a "sh*& spiral". When it it, you can't see a way out out..I realize you are scared and stressed, but this job loss has given you one thing..clarity about your husband and all that he entails..and that is a gift. Hang in there..this too shall pass..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
You know, with the way they are "blackmailing" you, isn't that something that could be reported to the state labor board? At least after you are collecting unemployment that is(and I wouldn't turn that away either, you have family to take care of)
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good point. You might have your union look into filing an unfair labor practice grievance. I don't know a lot about labor law (though I'm learning more about it than I wanted to know, given how things are going in my own workplace right now), but it's worth asking about.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by pixilation 
You know, with the way they are "blackmailing" you, isn't that something that could be reported to the state labor board? At least after you are collecting unemployment that is(and I wouldn't turn that away either, you have family to take care of)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 204
I am so sorry for all that has happened to you. Rest assured though that your childrenare young enough that if you handle this as well as you can they will not be destroyed by all of this. Things like a summer vacation are not the end of the world to little kids, they can be happy going to the town pool and out for ice cream if you present it the right way. Just take a deep breath and try not to melt down in front of them and tell them you are losing your house, the world is ending, etc. I know it feels like it is!
I say this because I have been through some challenges too and I know that if I try to make having to leave my home suddenly due to my AH being out of control "a surprise trip to Gramma's!" it goes over a lot better. I don't think this is being dishonest to them when a kid is young, it is protecting them. Best wishes to you.
I say this because I have been through some challenges too and I know that if I try to make having to leave my home suddenly due to my AH being out of control "a surprise trip to Gramma's!" it goes over a lot better. I don't think this is being dishonest to them when a kid is young, it is protecting them. Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Being laid off is hard in the best of circumstances but with your other stressors, no wonder you feel like you are going nuts. But before you DO go nuts, start looking into finding someone one on one you can talk to as you go through this stress.
I've been through some god-awful stress in my life and the only thing that prevented me from completely losing it was that I was in therapy. Even with a bunch of caring people around me, I still felt isolated so keep talking to people as you go through this.
Another note: I am also a teacher but I have never set foot in a class room (since grad school). I work in more of the social services arena so that is also a place where people with Education backgrounds find work. Not sure if it helps but there are options, just hard to see them when we are in crisis.
One thing I've learned when I am in real crisis is that it will be ok and is never as bad as we think it is going to be
I've been through some god-awful stress in my life and the only thing that prevented me from completely losing it was that I was in therapy. Even with a bunch of caring people around me, I still felt isolated so keep talking to people as you go through this.
Another note: I am also a teacher but I have never set foot in a class room (since grad school). I work in more of the social services arena so that is also a place where people with Education backgrounds find work. Not sure if it helps but there are options, just hard to see them when we are in crisis.
One thing I've learned when I am in real crisis is that it will be ok and is never as bad as we think it is going to be
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
I didn't give all the details I realized afterward... I can resign and get a letter of reference from my Principal and direct administrator. If I resign then I do not qualify for unemployment since it is voluntary leaving. If I stick with the non renewal I CAN get unemployment but NO ONE (HR gave me a letter making this clear) from the district can be a reference (written or verbal).
It feels like blackmail bc it is.
It feels like blackmail bc it is.
And it's really too bad you aren't in the midwest, there are plenty of teacher jobs, at least where I am there is.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Everybody else has good suggestions. Don't do anything that will prevent you from filing for unemployment, but do go apply for that job at Target because you may as well get a backup plan started.
May I gently suggest that you may be telling your little ones too much? 5 and 3 don't need to know whether you are going on a vacation. And you have the ability to spin it positively so that they think going to the pool and a picnic is a vacation. Think about providing them the maximum comfort and stability you can.
Don't tell 5 yo that Dad isn't coming to the recital. See if he comes, and if he doesn't she can know that afterward.
HE is trying to make YOU the bad guy to them. YOU can resist this. He is not entitled to see them without a court order. You could have arranged for them to be elsewhere when he came over.
I feel pretty strongly about children not being subjected to the fracas and chaos that someone like that s.o.b. brings, so it's time for you to be hyper-vigilant and proactive.
You are a good mom. I know it is scary, but you can handle this even though it's overwhelming. You can do it and we are all on your side.
May I gently suggest that you may be telling your little ones too much? 5 and 3 don't need to know whether you are going on a vacation. And you have the ability to spin it positively so that they think going to the pool and a picnic is a vacation. Think about providing them the maximum comfort and stability you can.
Don't tell 5 yo that Dad isn't coming to the recital. See if he comes, and if he doesn't she can know that afterward.
HE is trying to make YOU the bad guy to them. YOU can resist this. He is not entitled to see them without a court order. You could have arranged for them to be elsewhere when he came over.
I feel pretty strongly about children not being subjected to the fracas and chaos that someone like that s.o.b. brings, so it's time for you to be hyper-vigilant and proactive.
You are a good mom. I know it is scary, but you can handle this even though it's overwhelming. You can do it and we are all on your side.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Stella gives great advice. Sometimes people think small children need to know things to understand but that isn't the case. They can only process things in their young minds to a point. Often times it is our guilt as parents that we are trying to fix rather than what is best for the child.
I think I must have asked my dad every year for 12 years to take us to Disneyland. My mom would argue with him, telling him he wasn't being a good dad etc and that was worse than not going. I know now that it wasn't about where we went, it was about us as kids wanting to spend time doing something fun with my parents.
But we did go on some pretty cool road trips that cost next to nothing, so there are always other ways to achieve the same goal. I'm in my forties and I turned out ok for not ever having been to Disneyland. So don't let the guilt trip you up when you are facing some real struggles.
I think I must have asked my dad every year for 12 years to take us to Disneyland. My mom would argue with him, telling him he wasn't being a good dad etc and that was worse than not going. I know now that it wasn't about where we went, it was about us as kids wanting to spend time doing something fun with my parents.
But we did go on some pretty cool road trips that cost next to nothing, so there are always other ways to achieve the same goal. I'm in my forties and I turned out ok for not ever having been to Disneyland. So don't let the guilt trip you up when you are facing some real struggles.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 49
suggestion: make many copies of the letter from HR
call your local labor department and tell them the situation and ask for their advice and/or file a compliant
Many employers only give dates of employment, pay, and title now anyways for references.
Look into NAIS at private/boarding schools. Even one that is not in your state because you could get on campus housing for you and your children to live in.
Try to take a step back and don't be so hard on yourself. I know this is tough but don't panic or think the worst.
I also do not think you should resign, unemployment lasts for a long time now with extensions, and it may take a while to get a job.
call your local labor department and tell them the situation and ask for their advice and/or file a compliant
Many employers only give dates of employment, pay, and title now anyways for references.
Look into NAIS at private/boarding schools. Even one that is not in your state because you could get on campus housing for you and your children to live in.
Try to take a step back and don't be so hard on yourself. I know this is tough but don't panic or think the worst.
I also do not think you should resign, unemployment lasts for a long time now with extensions, and it may take a while to get a job.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I was "let go" of a job in the past, and on paper that looked like a firing, but it was well understood to be an unfair revocation of my ability to work.
I took everything I could to the unemployment office. Including testimonial from a co worker.
Guess what? They granted me unemployment. Said it was valid in their independent evaluation.
If the district denies the claim, but you say you were laid off, in my state, they will have to look into it
You mentioned something about a newspaper article, and that it singled out your position?
I would take that to the UC office, and file. This is not something to lay low about. Its unfair labor practice.
Oooh,just read more of your postings, DONT RESIGN!!! You can get the unemployment. You should its tax money! You will need this in the interim, and you dont have to file for it all the time, AND you can do partial filing if you find other part time work.
As far as the A goes.
Just shut him out.
Maybe its time to do so more than just emotionally.
Is it feasible to stop all face to face contact for a while?
You dont need this on top of that.
I took everything I could to the unemployment office. Including testimonial from a co worker.
Guess what? They granted me unemployment. Said it was valid in their independent evaluation.
If the district denies the claim, but you say you were laid off, in my state, they will have to look into it
You mentioned something about a newspaper article, and that it singled out your position?
I would take that to the UC office, and file. This is not something to lay low about. Its unfair labor practice.
Oooh,just read more of your postings, DONT RESIGN!!! You can get the unemployment. You should its tax money! You will need this in the interim, and you dont have to file for it all the time, AND you can do partial filing if you find other part time work.
As far as the A goes.
Just shut him out.
Maybe its time to do so more than just emotionally.
Is it feasible to stop all face to face contact for a while?
You dont need this on top of that.
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