Two recovery stories
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
Two recovery stories
I want to share two recovery stories, with the hope that someone will find something helpful in what I write.
Recovery Story #1
I knew my husband drank when we got married 18 years ago. We both did, and it was a pivotal part of our relationship. However, after years I discovered that he was coming home from work and drinking. By my definition, this was too much, and I told him he needed to stop or lose his family. This was 9 years ago.
I thought he quit. However, 5 years ago he lost his job as an executive making in the 6 figures. After 3 years of him doing nothing, withdrawing, etc, I told him it was time for him to give me some space and move out. At that point he told me that he had been secretly drinking for all of those years. So off he went to residential rehab for 3 months. He completed this stint at Christmas 2009, and moved into a sober house. At my request he has not returned home, but rents a room from another RA.
As best I can tell he has not resumed drinking. He works a couple of part-time job and comes close to covering his own expenses. He has not contributed to the support of our family since he severance ran out a few years ago. I do see baby steps of progress in other areas. To describe it as slow is an understatement. He drank for 40 years and is trying to find out who he is. And if he doesn't know who he is, how can I?
Recovery Story #2
This is my story. I was raised by alcoholics and drank alcoholically for decades. I quit 9 years ago (after quitting numerous times before) when I realized that my drinking was a danger to my family. I have not relapsed.
But that's not the real recovery story. The real story is about my journey in developing an understanding of who I am. What do I believe? Why have I tolerated behavior which is not consistent with my basic values? Why have I focused so much on my husband's behavior and not my own? What is a boundary and what is controlling behavior? However, it has taken me a very long time before I could even ask these questions.
The surprising part of my recovery story is how long it has taken to move out of chapter one - grieving the loss of the mythical marriage - and start addressing the questions about ME. Getting beyond the grief was gut wrenching, sobbing, can't- get- out- of- bed kind of work, and took more than a year and a half, beginning when I realized that my husband had been deceiving me for so many years.
Chapter two - In this chapter I am answering questions - who am I and what do I want? This is scary and fun. I am having to face my own issues. Yikes. I was a lot easier in many ways to focus on my husband's problems instead of my own.
I have learned to sit in the middle of the boat, and quit reaching overboard to try to pull someone else in my boat. I have also learned not to try to climb into someone else's boat and paddle for him. I'm learning to chart my own course. It is about balance, and I had completely lost mine.
I am responsible for my own happiness. He is responsible for his.
Life is good. Good luck on your journey!
Recovery Story #1
I knew my husband drank when we got married 18 years ago. We both did, and it was a pivotal part of our relationship. However, after years I discovered that he was coming home from work and drinking. By my definition, this was too much, and I told him he needed to stop or lose his family. This was 9 years ago.
I thought he quit. However, 5 years ago he lost his job as an executive making in the 6 figures. After 3 years of him doing nothing, withdrawing, etc, I told him it was time for him to give me some space and move out. At that point he told me that he had been secretly drinking for all of those years. So off he went to residential rehab for 3 months. He completed this stint at Christmas 2009, and moved into a sober house. At my request he has not returned home, but rents a room from another RA.
As best I can tell he has not resumed drinking. He works a couple of part-time job and comes close to covering his own expenses. He has not contributed to the support of our family since he severance ran out a few years ago. I do see baby steps of progress in other areas. To describe it as slow is an understatement. He drank for 40 years and is trying to find out who he is. And if he doesn't know who he is, how can I?
Recovery Story #2
This is my story. I was raised by alcoholics and drank alcoholically for decades. I quit 9 years ago (after quitting numerous times before) when I realized that my drinking was a danger to my family. I have not relapsed.
But that's not the real recovery story. The real story is about my journey in developing an understanding of who I am. What do I believe? Why have I tolerated behavior which is not consistent with my basic values? Why have I focused so much on my husband's behavior and not my own? What is a boundary and what is controlling behavior? However, it has taken me a very long time before I could even ask these questions.
The surprising part of my recovery story is how long it has taken to move out of chapter one - grieving the loss of the mythical marriage - and start addressing the questions about ME. Getting beyond the grief was gut wrenching, sobbing, can't- get- out- of- bed kind of work, and took more than a year and a half, beginning when I realized that my husband had been deceiving me for so many years.
Chapter two - In this chapter I am answering questions - who am I and what do I want? This is scary and fun. I am having to face my own issues. Yikes. I was a lot easier in many ways to focus on my husband's problems instead of my own.
I have learned to sit in the middle of the boat, and quit reaching overboard to try to pull someone else in my boat. I have also learned not to try to climb into someone else's boat and paddle for him. I'm learning to chart my own course. It is about balance, and I had completely lost mine.
I am responsible for my own happiness. He is responsible for his.
Life is good. Good luck on your journey!
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
trapeze! nice to see you!
after a day (yesterday) of can't-get-out-of-bed-sobbing, I feel 'ya.
And, I realize that crying is becuase I got SOOO obsessed with my sadness and fantasy thinking/wishing/hoping, that I lost touch with reality.
That is STILL easier (sometimes) than looking at and accepting reality and working on me.
But today's a new day and another chance to accept reality and move on, right?
Nice to see you're doing well.
peace
after a day (yesterday) of can't-get-out-of-bed-sobbing, I feel 'ya.
And, I realize that crying is becuase I got SOOO obsessed with my sadness and fantasy thinking/wishing/hoping, that I lost touch with reality.
That is STILL easier (sometimes) than looking at and accepting reality and working on me.
But today's a new day and another chance to accept reality and move on, right?
Nice to see you're doing well.
peace
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