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First to update, things have gone from bad to worse. Last week, when he went into binge mode, I left. I came back to an upswing. I thought we were making progress. Yesterday he was fired from his job.

So he asked if I would stay, I said I probably would until the schoolyear was up, as long as he was really working on sobriety. Then when he asked about the wedding, I had to say I can't see it right now.

So then came the suicide threat. Am I really cold to just see this as more f'ing manipulation. I don't think he is really suicidal. I responded, probably not the best way by saying "well, that would be your choice, it would be a very selfish choice especially when you think about your son and the rest of us that love you but if that's what you gotta do, it's your choice"

So I came home from work to find him drinking. I told him he had to go, I was not going to a hotel, he could. He kept begging to stay and begging me to stay with him. I packed him a bag.

While typing this I am at cheesecake factory with my daughter. He was supposed to take her to buy me a gift, then we were to go to his sons school for a choir performance, I just got a text from an ex girlfriend of his. He is on her couch, telling her how much life sucks.

Was my response really wrong. Is this a common threat?

Jesse7277

Yes. I have an alcoholic friend who threatened suicide. I called the authorities and he was put in an institution on suicide watch. From there he went to rehab and is sober today. He thanks me but he sure didn't like me much at first at some point you have to stop enabling them and help them find their bottom. Hope this helps and I hope things workout for you.

bellakeller

You don't want to marry a guy who feels he has to threaten you into marriage. That is just insane. Also, I think it's a law that when someone threatens suicide, you need to call the authorities like the police. Don't quote me on that but most of us are not qualified to handle suicide threats or attempts by ourselves anyway.

Please take care of yourself. Much love.

suki44883

It's possible to take a suicide thread seriously without allowing it to manipulate you. If it ever happens again, immediately call 911 and report a suicide threat. If he was serious, he will be in the proper hands of professionals and if he was just bluffing, he'll be put through enough drama and inconvenience that he'll never pull a stunt like that again.

wicked

No, I do not see it as cold to see this as more manipulation. I would never want to marry someone who held me hostage to a promise with a threat of suicide. Wow.

Of course, if he ever threatens suicide again call 911. On the off chance he is serious, (which I doubt but you dont know) he will be handled by trained professionals to keep him from hurting himself. He will have to handle the questions and all that comes with that hostage taking attention seeking BS.

My ex would threaten suicide, and I could not fathom how that was supposed to work.
we would stay together while I worried about him offing himself over something stupid?
Fired from the job? fine, guess I will end it. too much foam on my latte, must be time for me to die. I guess you can see I became immune. He is still alive and living with another alcoholic, unhappily.

Is the ex telling you how tough life is, or is he?

I hope you will be able to enjoy your cheesecake with your daughter. That is what is important.

Beth

:ghug3

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He was whining to her. He showed up at her place with a cooler. She wants me to come get him. Today is my birthday. I think she can keep him.

wicked

Yep, shouldnt have let him in, and with a cooler!
I have to admit, that had me giggling a little, when I was drinking, I went nowhere without my cooler.
lol
Yeah, she certainly can keep him. My birthday is April 10th. I am getting cheesecake.

7

Happy Birthday!
A new year starts for you today!

Beth

XXXXXXXXXX

He was whining to her. He showed up at her place with a cooler. She wants me to come get him. Today is my birthday. I think she can keep him.

Verbena

Happy Birthday! You could be nice and send him bus fare by courier. Naaa. Take yourself out for ice cream and cake instead.7

kiki5711

In your description of the events, it does not sound like a good beginning of a marriage.

Sorry.

Maybe it was god sent that it happened before you took the plunge.

XXXXXXXXXX

God would have to ask, why didn't you listen. It's time for a do over

bellakeller

Just remember, "No." is a complete sentence. You don't have to offer any explanation or anything else. Just tell her "No." and have a great birthday!

barb dwyer

made me think of that story

"well, I sent you two helicopters and a rowboat...."

cheesecake is one of my favorite .... anythings.

I hope you'll take time to examine how far you've come in a short amount of time!

that's worth ANOTHER piece of cheesecake!
if you're like me though - you have to 'schedule' the pieces...
like:
the cheesecake I get tomorrow is for the great stuff
I managed two weeks ago ...
that happens when you've the metabolism
of a galapagos tortoise....

tjp613

My addict son threatened suicide many times when he was backed in a corner. I gave him warning that the "next time" he threatened I would call the police. And I did. He spent 4 days in the psych hospital, unsuccessfully tried to score a scrip for Klonopin, was discharged and has never threatened suicide again in the last year (a record).

I think you handled all that just perfectly. Just calmly call 911 if he ever does it again.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Ladybug0130

Don't go get him, enjoy your cheesecake. The other lady shouldn't have let him in, it's not your problem. If he won't leave she can call the authorities.

Yeah, I am not sure how a suicide threat is supposed to work. As if you are going to stay with someone just because they are threatening you?

Florence

My A threatened and even attempted suicide once in order to divert me from discovering his alcoholism. It wasn't a real suicide attempt, it was a way of getting me emotionally wrapped up in his ********. It worked (not forever though).

OklaBH

Happy birthday! Enjoy your daughter and give yourself a gift....lose him

japabp2000

Been there with my husband..he knows that is one of my biggest fears (something happening to him), so I guess that's why he threatens it. I called 911 once and they took him in for an evaluation..sent him home saying that the psychiatric place didn't have an available bed (WTF??)..soooo been there. I'm sorry.
Happy Birthday! Make it special for yourself.

stacylove

This is good infomation, I honestly didn't know you are supposed to call the police when someone threatens suicide. Is this anytime? For example, if someone says, I've been thinking about suicide lately. ? I have an internet friend who has talked about this, I wish I would have known, because we ended up fighting and I haven't heard from him since, hopefully he is ok. Next time I will know, thank you.

lillamy

I have a friend who grew up with an alcoholic dramaqueen dad. One of the (countless) times his dad threatened to kill himself if the mom/wife didn't [fill in demand here], the mom/wife said (without even looking up from her sewing) "if you're gonna shoot yourself, do it in the garage because it's easier to clean up the mess in there."

That's basically the point I got to with my A as well. While I'm not advocating taking threats of suicide lightly, my experience with As is that they're usually to enamored with themselves to actually do anything but use the suicide card as a way to manipulate the people around them.

I know that sounds harsh, but that's my experience.