OT - When it rains it pours
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
OT - When it rains it pours
So life has been rough for me... its been hard to concentrate at work (not good for a self-employed engineer). I got a sperding ticket a month ago... first one in 10 yrs, and it was a bad one... a "I need a lawyer!" ticket.
And so yesterday was just a bad day. Tough talk with attorney, clients yelling at me for stuff I haven't finished yet, contentious meeting last night. And then, on my way home, I smacked a deer at about 40 mph...I completely wrecked the front end of my car. And as I stooped the car, I remembered.... I just switched to Geico and was suppose to do an inspection for collision coverage. And like all the other this going on... I forgot to do it.
So... I'm going to call them, see what they say... if I'm out of pocket, so be it. I do have a police report to document when the damage occurred... I'm throwing thia up to my HP.
I don't have a choice... my life is completely unmanageable right now.
Oh, and I might have to quit my business and go work for somebody else
I am going to lose my health insurance in the split... and I need it for cancer checkups. It's too expensive, on top of all the taxes for me to have as a self employer.
So, I talked to AH briefly this morning about all the legal ramifications of splitting and he said, "well, this is your decision. I'm not doing anything to you." He's right. It is my decision and those are the consequences of the choice to divorce.
I guess I need to sit with this, work on acceptance, and hand it over to HP.
Any ESH you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
And so yesterday was just a bad day. Tough talk with attorney, clients yelling at me for stuff I haven't finished yet, contentious meeting last night. And then, on my way home, I smacked a deer at about 40 mph...I completely wrecked the front end of my car. And as I stooped the car, I remembered.... I just switched to Geico and was suppose to do an inspection for collision coverage. And like all the other this going on... I forgot to do it.
So... I'm going to call them, see what they say... if I'm out of pocket, so be it. I do have a police report to document when the damage occurred... I'm throwing thia up to my HP.
I don't have a choice... my life is completely unmanageable right now.
Oh, and I might have to quit my business and go work for somebody else
I am going to lose my health insurance in the split... and I need it for cancer checkups. It's too expensive, on top of all the taxes for me to have as a self employer.So, I talked to AH briefly this morning about all the legal ramifications of splitting and he said, "well, this is your decision. I'm not doing anything to you." He's right. It is my decision and those are the consequences of the choice to divorce.
I guess I need to sit with this, work on acceptance, and hand it over to HP.
Any ESH you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
I SOOOOO feel you.
This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.
Don't forget.
And watch out for misery piling. For me, when I get upset, it's like it is some sort of twisted comfort to look for every lousy thing and pile it up on my misery plate to look at. Like at a buffet - collecting all the ICK food, then staring at that plate in misery. Look at ALL the ICK food here!
There are also blessings in your life RIGHT now, so consider a gratitude journal, or reviewing the goods at night or upon waking (or both!).
The next thing is to feel it and know you will survive the ache.
I still, literally, can do one tiny thing toward divorce (like email my husband that I am taking my old name back), then am overcome with such powerful, chest-aching grief that I am immobilized for a week (literally).
So, I say, "Okay, self. That's all you can do. And that's okay."
I remind myself that this feeling is OKAY. Not good. Not fun. But do-able. Important. Part of the process. Normal. Healthy. And will pass.
I make space at my life's table for grief. It stays longer than I'd like. It disrupts my life. I make space for that, too.
And when I'm pulling it together, I clean up some of the mess it made.
Sometimes, all I can do is sit with it.
Sometimes I almost forget it is staying over and I go live a more normal life.
All that is okay, too (I remind myself when I am sane!).
I appreciate your posts because I am right there with you.
I am sorry about all the junk you are dealing with right now.
Even CHANGING MY NAME EVERY-FRIGGIN-WHERE seems so rediculously stupid and overwhelming I want to hide from life!
One day at a time. One thing at a time. Just one tiny thing at a time.
Hugs, p
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
One day at a time, GettingBy.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Just keep doing the "next right thing."
You are starting to take care of yourself, which is great!
There's a lot of catching up you need to do.
You'll get there.
You'll get where you need to go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
You're right MyBetterWorld!!! I called Geico and they were AMAZING! I'm taking the car in to my local collision shop in about 10 minutes - I'll get the appraisal, they'll start the repair work today, and have Enterprise bring me a rental!!
Phew!!! I'm so glad that I handed that over to the HP.
One step at a time. I will get through this.
On a side note - my manipulating mother in law just called. She was at our house last night when I got in the accident. Apparently she was consoling my AH because she feels so bad about what I'm doing TO him!!! HA. ME to HIM?!??! Blood is thicker than water... and how quickly she forgets and forgives what HE did to ME!! She called me because she wanted me to know that I am making a HUGE mistake going through with this divorce. I'm needlessly ruining my childrens home life, destroying her son... blah-blah-blah.
I simply told her - I have no other choice at this point. I've accepted the unacceptable for so long and nothing has changed. I need to protect myself, and the only legal way to do that is divorce. AH needs to decide what he wants to do with his stuff and I deal with mine. She said, "Well, I think marital counseling can fix this." Me - "okay. And you're entitled to that opinion, and I'm entitled to disagree." And then the office line rang and my HP saved me!!!
Off to get my rental... thanks for the moral support!!!
Phew!!! I'm so glad that I handed that over to the HP.
One step at a time. I will get through this.
On a side note - my manipulating mother in law just called. She was at our house last night when I got in the accident. Apparently she was consoling my AH because she feels so bad about what I'm doing TO him!!! HA. ME to HIM?!??! Blood is thicker than water... and how quickly she forgets and forgives what HE did to ME!! She called me because she wanted me to know that I am making a HUGE mistake going through with this divorce. I'm needlessly ruining my childrens home life, destroying her son... blah-blah-blah.
I simply told her - I have no other choice at this point. I've accepted the unacceptable for so long and nothing has changed. I need to protect myself, and the only legal way to do that is divorce. AH needs to decide what he wants to do with his stuff and I deal with mine. She said, "Well, I think marital counseling can fix this." Me - "okay. And you're entitled to that opinion, and I'm entitled to disagree." And then the office line rang and my HP saved me!!!
Off to get my rental... thanks for the moral support!!!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
hang in hang in hang in!!!
WHen we go from relationship' energy
to our OWn energy
there's always ALWAYS this 'bumpy' time
while the new changed HEALTHIER energy settles.
It read to me that this is what this is.
We're always going to have blips and bumps...
and bills.
But this time they're OUR bills, OUR blips, OUR bumps...
and for some reason ...
they're far FAR better than ever before.
I think your energy is just adjusting
to life without dragging the albatross.
hang in hang in hang in
WHen we go from relationship' energy
to our OWn energy
there's always ALWAYS this 'bumpy' time
while the new changed HEALTHIER energy settles.
It read to me that this is what this is.
We're always going to have blips and bumps...
and bills.
But this time they're OUR bills, OUR blips, OUR bumps...
and for some reason ...
they're far FAR better than ever before.
I think your energy is just adjusting
to life without dragging the albatross.
hang in hang in hang in
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Mother in laws...(Bad subject) for me...LOL..
I have the same feelings like you, and get treated like I dont exist..
They think "I" made him drink, he doesnt drink too much, he is a good
worker, he is a great man...etc..
But what has helped me to let go of (some of it) is:
I understand his parents are like most people in the world. They "DO NOT"
have a clue about alcoholism, especially behind closed doors of YOUR home..
They think, it means he just has one too many beers...
Thinking this to myself over and over, helps release my anger inside for the
old bat...lol
This morning I had a "WOE" is poor me feeling....
I stood back and cracked up laughing at myself.
Put on my big girl panties,
went outside and helped the realator put
the sign in the front yard...HOME FOR SALE!
I have the same feelings like you, and get treated like I dont exist..
They think "I" made him drink, he doesnt drink too much, he is a good
worker, he is a great man...etc..
But what has helped me to let go of (some of it) is:
I understand his parents are like most people in the world. They "DO NOT"
have a clue about alcoholism, especially behind closed doors of YOUR home..
They think, it means he just has one too many beers...
Thinking this to myself over and over, helps release my anger inside for the
old bat...lol
This morning I had a "WOE" is poor me feeling....
I stood back and cracked up laughing at myself.
Put on my big girl panties,
went outside and helped the realator put
the sign in the front yard...HOME FOR SALE!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yay that things worked out with the car!
I gotta say, I love Geico. I've had two minor accidents (both my fault, just dumb stuff), and the way they handle the claims really does make it almost painless. It's sorta like they know you feel bad enough already so they are gonna be extra-nice to you. Good company policy, IMO!
Yeah, just keep breathing and don't let the external stuff throw you off track. You're doin' great.
I gotta say, I love Geico. I've had two minor accidents (both my fault, just dumb stuff), and the way they handle the claims really does make it almost painless. It's sorta like they know you feel bad enough already so they are gonna be extra-nice to you. Good company policy, IMO!
Yeah, just keep breathing and don't let the external stuff throw you off track. You're doin' great.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by FindingPeace1 
:
And watch out for misery piling. For me, when I get upset, it's like it is some sort of twisted comfort to look for every lousy thing and pile it up on my misery plate to look at. Like at a buffet - collecting all the ICK food, then staring at that plate in misery. Look at ALL the ICK food here!
There are also blessings in your life RIGHT now, so consider a gratitude journal, or reviewing the goods at night or upon waking (or both!).
The next thing is to feel it and know you will survive the ache.
And watch out for misery piling. For me, when I get upset, it's like it is some sort of twisted comfort to look for every lousy thing and pile it up on my misery plate to look at. Like at a buffet - collecting all the ICK food, then staring at that plate in misery. Look at ALL the ICK food here!
There are also blessings in your life RIGHT now, so consider a gratitude journal, or reviewing the goods at night or upon waking (or both!).
The next thing is to feel it and know you will survive the ache.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Misery piling... Thats a good way to describe it. I had a bit of that going this morning. Black cloud syndrome. Sitting on the ole pity pot!!
This too shall pass. I'm getting through it, one bite at a time. I still have lots of outstanding work to get done... But I'm having patience with myself, hopefully my clients will too. If not, well... That's okay. I need to stay true to me, and all will work out in some form or another.
I spoke with a colleague today about some of my concerns, particularly health insurance. She had lots of really great ideas (chamber of commerce group rate, small business associations, etc). Everybody I mention fears too offers lots of great advice... They all say the same thing, "we want/need you to stay in business!! We will do whatever you need!". It feels good... I feel very blessed tonight.
I just need to stay true to myself and not all the other people around (ie mother in law, my mom, AH, etc) project themselves onto me. I realize that all that they say and do is based on their own perception, feelings, etc. My lawyer... He's detached. He's truly concerned with protecting my rights and property. He's my reality check... My concrete pad of truth!!
Thanks for all the encouragement. SR is great.
This too shall pass. I'm getting through it, one bite at a time. I still have lots of outstanding work to get done... But I'm having patience with myself, hopefully my clients will too. If not, well... That's okay. I need to stay true to me, and all will work out in some form or another.
I spoke with a colleague today about some of my concerns, particularly health insurance. She had lots of really great ideas (chamber of commerce group rate, small business associations, etc). Everybody I mention fears too offers lots of great advice... They all say the same thing, "we want/need you to stay in business!! We will do whatever you need!". It feels good... I feel very blessed tonight.
I just need to stay true to myself and not all the other people around (ie mother in law, my mom, AH, etc) project themselves onto me. I realize that all that they say and do is based on their own perception, feelings, etc. My lawyer... He's detached. He's truly concerned with protecting my rights and property. He's my reality check... My concrete pad of truth!!
Thanks for all the encouragement. SR is great.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
It's times like these in our life that make us think we need to push ourselves and hurry to get everything done, but when we do that, we usually make mistakes out of haste.
That speeding ticket is a sign from your HP to slow down...everything will fall into place if you approach things calmly and with a plan.
I know--I've been there--luckily got a deferral on the ticket because it was rather over, to put it mildly.
Also hit a deer this winter. Jumped out of nowhere in the fog.
But that you got a speeding ticket and hit a deer--maybe your HP is telling you to slow down and be more careful so that you don't get hurt behind the wheel?
That speeding ticket is a sign from your HP to slow down...everything will fall into place if you approach things calmly and with a plan.
I know--I've been there--luckily got a deferral on the ticket because it was rather over, to put it mildly.
Also hit a deer this winter. Jumped out of nowhere in the fog.
But that you got a speeding ticket and hit a deer--maybe your HP is telling you to slow down and be more careful so that you don't get hurt behind the wheel?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by brokenheartfool
It's times like these in our life that make us think we need to push ourselves and hurry to get everything done, but when we do that, we usually make mistakes out of haste.
That speeding ticket is a sign from your HP to slow down...everything will fall into place if you approach things calmly and with a plan.
I know--I've been there--luckily got a deferral on the ticket because it was rather over, to put it mildly.
Also hit a deer this winter. Jumped out of nowhere in the fog.
But that you got a speeding ticket and hit a deer--maybe your HP is telling you to slow down and be more careful so that you don't get hurt behind the wheel?
That speeding ticket is a sign from your HP to slow down...everything will fall into place if you approach things calmly and with a plan.
I know--I've been there--luckily got a deferral on the ticket because it was rather over, to put it mildly.
Also hit a deer this winter. Jumped out of nowhere in the fog.
But that you got a speeding ticket and hit a deer--maybe your HP is telling you to slow down and be more careful so that you don't get hurt behind the wheel?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
WTBH,
Thank you!!!
I think you are spot on! I saw them individually as a need to slow down but I hadn't step back further and truly connected them to the larger message.
Slow down... In all regards.
I know I'm getting pressure from my mom to "just get this over with already!" She has no patience with my approach and doesn't want to hear anything about the "legal" and right way to do this. There's history there as to why my mom does what she does. She has coping mechanism developed from dealing with my Dad's drinking. Forcing solutions and ultimatum "worked" for her, or so she thinks... After 6 yrs in al-anon, I know better.
One step at a time. I'm meeting with the attorney tomorrow to complete and sign summons and complaint. So today, I'm taking the day "off" from my marriage. Going to get some engineering done and spend happy time with kids.
Thank you!!!
I think you are spot on! I saw them individually as a need to slow down but I hadn't step back further and truly connected them to the larger message.
Slow down... In all regards.
I know I'm getting pressure from my mom to "just get this over with already!" She has no patience with my approach and doesn't want to hear anything about the "legal" and right way to do this. There's history there as to why my mom does what she does. She has coping mechanism developed from dealing with my Dad's drinking. Forcing solutions and ultimatum "worked" for her, or so she thinks... After 6 yrs in al-anon, I know better.
One step at a time. I'm meeting with the attorney tomorrow to complete and sign summons and complaint. So today, I'm taking the day "off" from my marriage. Going to get some engineering done and spend happy time with kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Not sure if any of you were curious or not.... but my HP has been BUSY!!
I got a call from Geico - the claim was paid in full (minus deductible)!! No worries! Car's still getting put back together, but the body shop gave me a free loaner for the past week!
And the speeding ticket... down graded to a non-moving violation!! Whoo-hooo!!! It could have been 6 pts on my license (not good in NY!). Now it's just a steep bill!
Its been good to sit back and let HP take over... good things are coming to fruition!
I got a call from Geico - the claim was paid in full (minus deductible)!! No worries! Car's still getting put back together, but the body shop gave me a free loaner for the past week!
And the speeding ticket... down graded to a non-moving violation!! Whoo-hooo!!! It could have been 6 pts on my license (not good in NY!). Now it's just a steep bill!
Its been good to sit back and let HP take over... good things are coming to fruition!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yay!
I've been freaking out a little here and there about money stuff, myself. Up to my eyeballs in debt (mostly necessary stuff--kids' college, house expenses, lawyer expenses for my house--ugh, a divorce would be cheaper), just bought a new stove (something I debated for over a week), got a big bill from my lawyer today, and I'm about to RETIRE, fer heaven's sake.
I crunched numbers again, and I believe I will JUST squeak by until I start making some money from my writing.
My HP ALWAYS takes care of me, though--I worry a lot less than I used to, but it can still sneak up on me with a big expense.
I've been freaking out a little here and there about money stuff, myself. Up to my eyeballs in debt (mostly necessary stuff--kids' college, house expenses, lawyer expenses for my house--ugh, a divorce would be cheaper), just bought a new stove (something I debated for over a week), got a big bill from my lawyer today, and I'm about to RETIRE, fer heaven's sake.
I crunched numbers again, and I believe I will JUST squeak by until I start making some money from my writing.
My HP ALWAYS takes care of me, though--I worry a lot less than I used to, but it can still sneak up on me with a big expense.
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