LeadHatter

Im 87 days sober pretty codependant.

I posted this yesterday

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...1-post483.html

I have been looking elsewhere on the internet for more support and may goto an online AA but recommending a 'real' aa meeting right now no please no.

Just feel like im trying hard and [yet again] its not enough and ofcourse will all the chaos next door there is [in my mind anyway] a sense of impending chaos .

I realise that getting an ego massage externally isnt great but would probably help as would a kick up the bum[but not a kick up the bum to goto aa] anyway im sure a drop or 2 of support here and i will feel less sorry for myself and roll onwards.

I have just attempted ringing my parents now to ask for support but no reply so i can always call her mobile i guess

ste

It ain't easy kev, you should be proud of yourself. Your accomplishments get you more than a "blob". Now bend-over!

LoftyIdeals

Hi Kevin. I too have had to sever some relationships, including one with a neighbor. I told him that we are not good for each other. He'd bring home pain killers off the street, or I'd share my prescriptions and we'd listen to music and drink away the night. It was tough, but eventually he got it. That didn't make it any less comfortable for me, though. Sounds like your neighbor is taking it even worse. Don't let it rattle you. Congratulations on distancing yourself...the guy doesn't sound too stable.

About the mudras and codependency, I'm not sure I can be of much help. I'm a Christian, and don't know much of the Hindu faith. I know a bit about codependency, but haven't studied it. I probably should, as our whole household is screwed up.

Take a deep breath, let your worries go with God, and march forward in your day today. And yes, online meetings are the way to go. I'm not an in-person meeting guy, either, but sometimes I have to force myself.

Dee74

As far as your neighbour goes Kevin I think Lexies advice in one of your other threads was great:

As far as your recovery goes...if you're struggling right now to owe it to yourself to do more than white knuckling it...

if you're finding you need more than ehat you've been doing please do look at your options...

I trust I'd just get through it a lot of times and I didn't...I needed to plug myself into some kind of support.

It doesn't have to be AA...but if not, that does mean you'll probably have to look harder and look further afield for support - be it another recovery group like SMART, or some kind of counselling, or some kind of outpatient rehab perhaps.

D

LeadHatter

Hm, well visiting my GP is a little out of the question presently owing to the fact im still flu contagious. I did call my mother and ask for support but they (my family) dont offer a great deal of support - she did offer some [a visit] but unfortunately my mother visiting would help me to feel sad about my father not being there so i said no :/ guess its me at fault

im a little more forward looking.....could ask for an increase in my meds i guess

LexieCat

Kev,

I don't like to think of it as a "kick to the bum," but seriously, getting busy with AA would help with a lot of your problems, I think. The Step work involves a lot of self-examination--figuring out what problems YOU "own" and what rightfully are other people's responsibilities.

I can't help but get the feeling you are distracting yourself by getting all worked up over this neighbor. If you don't get some other way of dealing with life (and trust me, we all have life issues--if it's not the crazy neighbor, it's the crazy boss or co-worker or family member or the government or something), I think there's a good chance that sooner or later you will drink just to shut out the noise.

Why not just find a meeting and sit in the back and listen? No obligation. You never have to go back if you hate it. I have a feeling it might be a real solution for you, though. It won't fix the crazy neighbor, but it would probably help you with your feelings, which is really the problem, right?

ReadyAndAble

Hey, Kevin, 87 days is awesome. That's a big pile of days, and you should be really proud.

I think LexieCat raises a good point, if you're feeling well enough to go out. What can it hurt?

LeadHatter

Just an update i think i have been spending too much time [more than i can postivly withstand] giving to others in recovery chatrooms, this has been drawing my focus away from me - which batteries down is where it needed to be.

Anna mentioned something about 'in the hoop' which im feeling. Well i have been going 'out of the hoop' for long periods of time [hours] in chatrooms helping others and im not sure that is doing me any favours because after so doing last night here i am the one looking for support.

Lexie i was interested in doing a 'online aa' meeting and understand there is one on this site fridays

and yes Cat i agree that however i squeal poor me i know i am part of the problem and by making myself stronger better dramas would impact on me less so right on im good now i am of the view that my 'self demaging helping' is the thing i need to focus on now.

I do have reasons for not going to aa in the real world [though i would try online aa] some of these are religious since i have heard rather alot of aa bashing in chatrooms - how do i put this i respect jesus and the christian faith but i dont class myself as a christian and find religious types who talk about any 'one true way' a pretty obnoxious/scary/pathetic bunch and some have told me aa is nowt but a protestant front

Creekryder

Been there, done that, Kevin, with the giving to others and ignoring your needs. A balance is necessary to continue helping others; it is difficult to distribute good information when you are not in balance.
I am a firefighter and EMT and the first rule for entering any emergency scene is making yourself the prime concern. A difficult concept to accept in the beginning, however, after consideration, you begin to understand you can do no good to anyone else if you are "out of commission." Don't ignore your own needs, you are the reason you quit drinking in the first place. By no means stop helping others, we are all charged with that direction, but don't leave yourself on the doorstep.
Congrats on the great accomplishment of 87 days! Be proud of yourself and take care of that winning person you see in the mirror.

LexieCat

Kevin, I would be very surprised if you heard a lot of "religious" talk at an AA meeting. People will talk about "God" or their "Higher Power", but I think maybe once or twice in two and a half years of twice-weekly meetings I've ever heard Jesus even mentioned. People don't talk about their individual religions much, if at all.

You can't go by what you hear in the chatrooms or anywhere else that people who bash AA talk about. A lot of those people are just repeating what they've heard other AA-bashers say. And in my experience that is not true. Plain and simple.

Nobody is going to try to convert you at one of these meetings. I have never seen that happen or heard of it happening--and I've been "around" AA for 31 years--since my first husband got sober (when he was 21). People in AA are NOT "holy rollers."

So you haven't convinced me you have a good reason not to try one meeting and see what you think. It's your decision, of course, but an online meeting is not nearly as cool as an in-person meeting.

OK, off my soapbox. Good luck, just remember you would always be welcome at a meeting.

FrothyJay

Kevin, what are you looking for? What is "support?" Telling you that it's all going to get better, that your neighbor is wrong and you are right? That you did the right thing?

All of this is self-manufactured drama that detracts, in my opinion, from the core issue: your alcoholism, and its urgent treatment.

Holing up in your home and obsessing over your unstable neighbor are generally not conducive to long term sobriety.

When I call my sponsor with my problems, he hangs up on me. He believes that when I'm whining, my disease is being given breath. He wants to know what action I've taken-- prayer, meditation, working with another alcoholic-- to allow the solution to develop. He'll help me, but only after he knows I've done what I can.

This is where I am in my recovery from alcoholism: I have recovered from a seemingly helpless state of mind and body.

It took surrender, and then work.

Anna

Kevin,

I'm glad that you know you need to focus more on yourself and be careful with how much you are giving to others. It can leave you feeling depleted and right now you need to strengthen yourself. I do hope you check out the Friday night online meeting and that it will be a useful tool for you.

LeadHatter