It hurts to be in a relationship with an addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 7
It hurts to be in a relationship with an addict
I can not remember where I got this article but it has been in my iPhone notes for a long time. It really helped me because it acurately descrbed everything I was feeling. My hope is that it mght also help some of you struggling in your relationship with your addict.
"It hurts to be in a relationship with a person who has an addiction. It is painful; and depressing. We hope; and are disappointed. Over and over we are betrayed by the addicted person who makes promises then breaks them.*We become angry that the person we care about has been taken from us. We want to believe that the person we love still loves us back. And yet, their behavior does not demonstrate this love. Lying, cheating and stealing are often the behaviors we see despite words that are said otherwise. It is hard to believe that a disease can corrupt love. We want to believe. Yet, often in the active disease, dishonesty prevails."
"It hurts to be in a relationship with a person who has an addiction. It is painful; and depressing. We hope; and are disappointed. Over and over we are betrayed by the addicted person who makes promises then breaks them.*We become angry that the person we care about has been taken from us. We want to believe that the person we love still loves us back. And yet, their behavior does not demonstrate this love. Lying, cheating and stealing are often the behaviors we see despite words that are said otherwise. It is hard to believe that a disease can corrupt love. We want to believe. Yet, often in the active disease, dishonesty prevails."
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Indeed it hurts to watch someone we love destroy themselves, no matter what the relationship.
The only thing that helped me stop hurting was to find meetings and surround myself with support while I learned a better way to live.
Today I don't hurt so much.
Hugs
The only thing that helped me stop hurting was to find meetings and surround myself with support while I learned a better way to live.
Today I don't hurt so much.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Chatsworth CA
Posts: 44
Your right it hurts, your right is it extremly painful and depressing. I am tired of beating myself up emotionaly and making excuses because of his bad choices, because of his circumstances and his mean behavior towards me. I'm tired of taking care of him. I'm tired of forgiving him because he has an addiction and I'm sick of sacrificing and struggling just because I care and love for him deeply. I am not perfect, and maybe I don't always listen or do as I'm told. But I am a beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, kind, and loving woman. I'm tired of hoping, I'm tired of believing. I'm just soooo F-ing tired
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
In my relationship with my first now XABF (I had 3), the issue of trust came up. I told him I trusted him to lie to me, cheat on me, and put me down. Yet, I stayed in that relationship for over 20 years, and developed my own addiction near the end. I was a raging codie, and thought I couldn't live without him.
I went on to two more A's, who shared my DOC (drub of choice..crack) and found the same thing, though worse.
It wasn't until I hit bottom with my addiction, that I also decided to tackle recovery for my codependency. I can't begin to tell you how much this forum, and the people in it, have helped me. I've found it only gets worse, and I lost myself in these relationships. Love, yeah, I loved XABF#3, but I left him when I chose recovery and he continued on with his addiction.
I found out what I want...a man who complements my life...not like the ones I thought completed my life. Trust me..the pain and depression will only get worse. It's only when we start focusing on US that things get better.
He's gonna do what he wants to. You get that same choice.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I went on to two more A's, who shared my DOC (drub of choice..crack) and found the same thing, though worse.
It wasn't until I hit bottom with my addiction, that I also decided to tackle recovery for my codependency. I can't begin to tell you how much this forum, and the people in it, have helped me. I've found it only gets worse, and I lost myself in these relationships. Love, yeah, I loved XABF#3, but I left him when I chose recovery and he continued on with his addiction.
I found out what I want...a man who complements my life...not like the ones I thought completed my life. Trust me..the pain and depression will only get worse. It's only when we start focusing on US that things get better.
He's gonna do what he wants to. You get that same choice.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 7
I am learning that life is all about the choices we make. It's the only thing we have control over. I am begining to realize that I have made bad choices in my life and those choices have led me to where I am in my life right now. You can not go back and change the bad choice you made but the best part is you always have a choice. You can start today by making a better choice for yourself.
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