brilliantmadnes

Hi - I am a wife & mother - not sure where to begin - but I need support in getting off these pills for good, I have been addicted to hydrocodone since last July when I broke a rib. I've been legally Rx'd them & have also supplemented. I lost both my maternal grandparents that helped raised me within 8 weeks of each other over the holiday season. I had septoplasty 4 weeks ago & have been using very heavily since then. I want to get back to "me". I have two children to care for and everytime the withdrawals are so bad & the depression is sooooo severe. I hate this monster I've become. I hope to get to know you all here and get some support. It is a very private addiction, I've tried reaching out to my mom & dad, but I don't think they take me seriously. I'm up to about 80 mg of hydrocodone a day

brilliantmadnes

forgot to add I am on 1mg clonazepam a day & 50 mg zoloft, I am 30 yrs old and have been on antidepressants since I was 16. for as long as i remember i have always suffered from severe anxiety and depression - this past year, I just have felt so out of control, depressed, I felt like my rock (my grandmother/mother figure) is gone, I have mainly used "not to feel"....

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. You will find much support here. I would suggest being honest with a medical professional about how to safely detox from any type of pain meds/opiates. Plus with long-term antidepressant use, it would be wise to discuss any concerns you may have with your Dr.

Keep posting and reaching out. We do recover.

brilliantmadnes

I have 20 mg left...I know I will be withdrawing beginning tomorrow. just need support to get through it and not to pick up anymore. I went through a terrible withdrawal last weekend which was enhanced by starting my monthly cycle & multiple soccer games & dh and I not getting along. My oldest will be in school during the days this week, my husband at work and my 3 year old at home - I think I can do this - I have to. My daughter's birthday party is this Saturday.

brilliantmadnes

thank you Angelina! I see a new GP doctor on tuesday. Hoping to get some more help with my antidepressants etc..

Dee74

welcome BM

I'm glad you're seeing your Dr, and I know you'll find some support here.

Feel free to also check out our substance abuse forum as well

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D

least

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere. You'll find a lot of support here.

iliveforyou

((Welcome)) You CAN do this! The w/d's are horrible but I have found that my fear of the w/d's always made it so much worse. This is a wonderful group chock full of support. Keep posting!
-Jess

artsoul

Hi brilliant and welcome to the forum! How are you doing today? I'm glad you're going to see a doctor - just keep taking it an hour at a time if you have to. Things will get better.......

I know alcohol keeps anti-depressants from working (and actually creates depression), and I imagine there's some conflict with pain meds, too. Hopefully your depression will improve once you get the meds out of your system.

Lots of support here - you're not alone......

brilliantmadnes

I didn't do very well this week. but I'm 48 hours clean beginning this morning. I did go to the doctor on tuesday, waiting an 1 1/2 hours in waiting room with a 3 yr old before THEY rescheduled me for beginning of May. Our town's doctor to patient ratio is ridiculous. Withdrawals were bad but I was able to pull off an amazing Justin Bieber bday party for my daughter and 30+ guests opiate-free, wasn't easy, I took lots of immodium, made myself take small bites of food all day and small sips of drinks. I did take extra nerve pill each day to help with the moodswings & will try to be careful not to let those replace my other addiction - I just don't see how they could , I hate being sleepy!!! & yes, the fear of withdrawals is worse than it's bite, it's not pleasant at ALL but I think I can keep continuing. My enabler/co-dependant, whatever, out of the blue last night told me there would be more Thursday...I went to bed and pulled the covers over my head. How dare he, after seeing me withdraw like this, see me get clean and then offer me more???????????

EmeraldRose

Welcome, Brilliant!!

Stride34

Welcome, Brilliant. That's impressive that you were able to throw a party while going through w/d's...I could barely do anything (though my doc was Oxy, and MUCH more than 80mg a day..)

We're here to support you, but that said, I'm concerned. I've been in the mind state earlier in my addiction of quitting when I couldn't get pills, then wavering when pills were available, and I always, always gave in eventually. At that point, the consequences of my addiction weren't big enough. Sure I had bad depression, all those things, but it wasn't enough to make it click. By the sound of it, the consequences of your addiction may not be either. It took trying to quit on my own countless times and basically destroying my life and becoming a pill junkie before I fully committed to recovery and getting help. But you don't have to get to that point, if you realize that that's where this is all heading if you don't nip this now. The earlier you catch this, the better chance you have at success.

Reaching out to your parents is a big step. Coming here is a big step. I think it's crucial that you sit down with your enabler and tell him how serious you are about this, and to never, ever mention pills or use them around you. That goes the same for anyone you could potentially get pills from. If you don't think that will work, then you need him/them out of your life totally. Pills are no longer option for you. If you think they still possibly could be one day, then you're not ready yet.

glitter

Hi Brilliantmadness and welcome to SR.

I have an experience similar to yours. I lost five close family members within a 9 month period. First my dad on October 28, 2004, then my mom's parents (within a couple of months of each other), then my dad's mom and finally, what absolutely pushed me over the edge, was the accidental death of my 16 year old nephew on July 2, 2005.

This was back in 2004/05 and marks the beginning of my out of control using. I've always had addictive behaviors and many things in my lifetime that were traumatizing, but this particular sequence of events pushed me over the edge. I had so much unresolved grief and guilt related especially to my dad's death and the fact that I couldn't take away my brother and sister in-law's pain for the loss of their son, that I needed to have a constant change in the way I felt. But eventually, the pills didn't work anymore.

Today at 289 days clean and sober I continue to work through that grief. During my early recovery, the raw feelings were almost unbearable. I was encouraged to not stuff those feelings anymore. I cried at the drop of a hat. I was lucky to be able to go to rehab, talk to a phychologist, get a psychiatrist and find the comfort of others just like me in NA.

I guess what I would like to say is what kind of support do you have to deal with the grief of your tremendous loss? I haven't been able to do it yet, but I plan to write letters to my dad and my brother and his wife (my best friends).

Wishing you peace and comfort.

glitter

Oh! By the way, there is a grief and loss forum at SR:

Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRightNow

With respect to professionals, the biggest difference between here and AA and them is that they haven't been here. They mean well but they are doing a job.

I spoke on the phone to my doctor when I was DT-ing like crazy but desperate to stop. He suggested I have a "little drink" to "stabilise" myself.

So I did. One bottle of wine later, off to the pub, 3am lock in. We all know that the first one gets you drunk.

Sure he meant well. But by trying to do their best from a position of not understanding, it can sometimes be destructive.

Please don't think I'm advocating not getting pro help, and please be careful with your withdrawals. My doc told me he had a patient addicted to my poison (drink) who stopped suddenly then had a brain haemorrage so I see why he made the suggestion.

Still felt, like you I think, really angry that I was given "permission" by a professional to go and have a drink when I was trying so hard not to.