JoeBizzle

I dont know what to say I feel morally bankrupt. Everyone I know is surely going to give up on me if I keep this up. I have recently gotten 60 and 30 days together by going to meetings and than the depression and anxiety overwhelmed me and i say what the heck why even bother. than my life is 1000 times worse. The hardest part is getting back to feeling normal. I know everyone is different but maybe someone can give me some advice. This last bender I went on only lasted 4 days prior to that I was sober for 30. Will be right back where I was or do you think the recovery might not be as intense. I dont want to ever do this again. I need to stay sober. I will lose everything I have and everything I will have.

The only people that truly understand and stay by me no matter what are my AA friends. I cant thank the program enough. I have met some truly genuinely beautiful people in AA. My sponsor mentioned HALT... find out if I was hungry Lonely or Tired I told him I was all 4. I need to snap out. I feel a bit like its a lack of strength or manhood or I am just a sociopath but I think since I feel remorse and pain that might be the case. Any advice or insight would be helpful. Thanks!

ACT10Npack

You need to learn how to deal with your depression/anxiety. Go to your doctor about this and he/she will give you something for this. Just have to take it one day at a time and just learn from it. You fell off the horse but you just need to jump back on.

artsoul

Welcome Joe - I'm sorry you've been struggling with sobriety - reaching for a drink is what we've always done and it takes quite a while to adjust to being sober. I think it's important to address your depression/anxiety, too.....

I'm not sure whether recovery will be easier this time, but I do think it gets easier the more sober time we have.

Glad you're here!:ghug3

Dee74

Hi and welcome Joe

Yeah my life didn't magically clear up once I stopped drinking....in fact I foun dit hard to face life without my all-purpose crutch.

Support was very important for me - I needed to know the folks here and elsewhere still believed in me even when I didn't..

I hope we can do the same for you too.
We've all been there.

You're not morally bankrupt - you're here wanting to get better.
You can do this

D

CarolD

When I began my AA steps...I felt a shift
from often shakey sobriety into solid recovery...

welcome to SR....

Rusty Zipper

joe

if you do go to a doc about the depression

do yourself, the doc, and the world a favor

be 100% honest with her/him

as most pros dont think much of the alky,

because they know were not the honest type.

it's like the old did the chicken come before the egg bit

did the alcoholism come first,

or the depression

and i dont just mean the drink part,

mean, the think part

all good wishes joe

keithj

JoeBizzle,

Your experience matches the description in Dr.'s Opinion, where the alcoholic is described as going on a bender, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution to never drink again, and then repeating the whole thing over and over. It says, 'unless this person can have an entire psychic change, there is little hope of his recovery.'

Ask your sponsor where in the BB it says that hungry, angry, lonely, tired have anything to do with drinking again. Ask him what the solution to alcoholism is.

quote aabb1st

Anna

Joe,

It is possible that you need medication for depression. I know that for me, I had to get the depression/anxiety diagnosed and treated before I could recover.

I hope you find some peace.

least

Welcome to the family.

Kjell

Hi Joe-

I'm asking with kindness, but what step are you on? Gotta work 'em buddy or they won't work for you.

Kjell~

LosingmyMisery

You sound exactly like me. I was 60 days sober, going to meetings, and relapsed. I came back got a sponsor, but never called her. I lasted 30 days before relapsing followed by a 9 day bender. It was horrible. I suffered with depression, but drank while on the meds which intervened with its ability to work. I threw myself into recovery, after my relapse, and haven't wanted a drink since. I found I had to really give it my all and I wasn't. When I did give it my all the results were amazing. My depression is gone and I live life happy and manageable. Life isn't easy by any means, but I face life's challenges sober. While drinking, I would crumble and become very weak. I thought I found my strength in alcohol, but it was quite the opposite. The alcohol completely altered my entire being. Come to find out, I'm really a very strong person emotionally. To get there, I needed to allow things to happen. I kept impeding emotional growth by drowning myself with alcohol. Hang in there...you can do this.

JoeBizzle

We seem to have a lot in common. Alcohol used to work to make me feel stronger and gave me an escape from pain, now it brings the same pain X 10. thanks for the reply