stacylove

Hello, If you are thinking of using or drinking again, don't do it, it's not worth it. I had 82 days clean, I was feeling great and my life was turning around, and then the cravings came and I gave in. I had a one week relapse and it has destroyed everything. Some people at work have found out about my addiction, I have lost a friend, I have no car and my ex wants to take my daughter away because I have no transportation to get her to his place. Everything in my life has crumbled. I am in such a dark place right now. The only thing I have going for me is that I'm on day 3 of being clean. Even though I only used a week, I still feel so tired and depressed. Thank you for listening, I plan to stick it out this time, for if I don't, I will lose my job, my daughter, and my life. So once again if you feel the urge to use, it's not worth it, stick with it, you will be better off.
Stacy

TheTinMan

Thanks for sharing stacy. Hang in there.

Pandora1

I understand. I myself had over 100 days and relapsed and now at day 5.

Bikeguy

Sorry about your setback Stacylove; get up, dust your self off and try again. You can do it!

FrothyJay

I planned to stick it out so many times I lost track.

I've come to understand that each time I thought I had hit my bottom, I had not. The idea that I could somehow recognize the limits of my insanity is, well, insane. What I recognized was that it was not going to change-- that I was unable to stop the merry-go-round, no matter how resolved and committed I was.

At that moment, I realized not that things were going to be different, but that they were going to be exactly the same.

Unless I did something different. What I did was stop trying to build obstacles to drinking and using (they were futile) and start breaking down obstacles to a power greater than myself that could solve my problem.

stacylove

Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it, more than you know. I will definitely take a new approach this time, what I have been doing is obviously not working.

LexieCat

My sponsor is fond of saying, "Every bottom has a trap door."

Glad you are going to step up your efforts.

You can't count on the threat of losing more in your life to keep you sober forever.

Kjell

Hi Stacy-

I simply had to change who I was or the same me would drink/use again, and again, and again.

Maybe this is true with you too?

Kjell~

Anna

Stacy, I hope you can find some peace in your life.

LaFemme

Hugs Stacy. Sorry you went back but glad you grew back here.

Xoxo, LaFemme

JohnBarleycorn

Stacy,

Get off the one day at a time, and only for today merry-go-round. The threat of more losses will not work forever. Eventually you will forget the reasons why you quit in the first place, and if you use again, you will hit a new bottom.

Decide to quit, for good, and to never change your mind. You are perfectly capable of doing this - do not listen to anyone that says otherwise.

Write down your decision to quit, for good, and your reasons for doing so, on a card that will hold up. Keep it close by and handy, in your wallet or purse, so that you can look at it and read it when the day you forget why comes.

You have too much still left to lose, and your daughter is young. You want to be healthy and well to see her grow up.

NobleCause

Sorry to hear of your relapse, but happy to hear you are back on track now.

*Just a note of caution drawn from my own experience - the threat of consequence, regardless of how severe, can magically dilute itself or disappear completely from the mind in the throes of an urge/obsession/craving. Be careful of thinking that this motivation alone will keep you on the straight and narrow.

EmeraldRose

*sigh* I know how you feel...I lost my job over it and I *know* the rumors were flying like boomerangs. None have come back to me yet. But I was feeling 'selfconscious' when I saw people from work.
Then I decided that I couldn't live that way and started living with my head up knowing that I have taken action to solve this dilemna.
I know you feel like you're in a down time right now. But prioritized and take one thing at a time...don't overwhelm yourself with problems that occurred because it will set you back again.
I'm sure if you explained to your friend about your problem/addiction/troubles she'd understand. At least you've planted the seed to rebloom the friendship. It would be up to her to except your renewed friendship.
Just because you don't have a vehicle doesn't make it ok for your ex to 'take your daughter away'. Its in those times that we as adults find a solution to a problem -rationally.
I hope it all works out for you Stacy, I really do.

Luckyv2

Hi Stacy!

Thank you so much for this thread, in hopes that it continues as each of us do each and everyday!

I read someone said they have said that so many times, I too can say that I have said the same thing so many times, it is very unbelievable. Yet, I wouldn't trade anything for what is going on in my life today.

I had almost 28 months when my Sister died a little over two years ago in February, No excuse to use, however, after a few months of so many pains, I picked up to relieve the pain. I just wanted to pain to go away. Since than that was in February of 2009 I have struggled so much on getting back on track. I would be doing good for 2-3 months than would pick up again and again. I had one period of 6 months off than I picked up again.

Now...Well I am over the 7th month free going on 8 months FREE yet I keep my guard up, it is those times that I think I have it licked that I end up getting Kicked.

I hope you the best! We can do this Just For Today...One Day At A Time!

:ghug3

RV GTO

Glad you posted Stacy -hang in there.:ghug3

Impurrfect

(((Stacy))) - I'm glad you're back. I agree, thinking of all we have to lose didn't work to keep me clean. I DID lose everything, had started getting some semblance of a life back, and relapsed for about 2 weeks.

I had to change me, work on my addiction AND codie issues, and some days...just not picking up was good enough.

(((Vic))) - not to hijack the thread, but very proud of you and glad to see you!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

GettingStronger2

Hey, you are going to be okay. You know what you have to do, you know the things that stand in your way to a healthy recovery. You will get there. I have faith in you.

recoverywfaith

Glad you made it back

stacylove

Thanks again everyone, I am feeling a little better now, especially with all of this great support! Day 4 here I come.

artsoul

Here's to day 4 - we're all behind you!

Those 83 days were a real accomplishment, so give yourself a little credit, OK? You'll get back to being yourself in no time and maybe things will be even better this time!

Hang in there!:ghug3