My Brother Carey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3
My Brother Carey
Carey is addicted to pain pills.
He is 22 years of age.
He has been addicted for 4+ years now.
Recently, Carey went to jail for a non-drug charge and served idk 6 weeks before they allowed him out on house arrest.
My father was reluctant because before, Carey has stolen everything we have, including my dads wedding band for money. Anyways, he kicked him out a long time ago and now my dad didnt know if he should let him stay here or not.
He ended up allowing Carey to stay at our house under house arrest. My dad was involved in a tragic car accident 2 years ago and because of that receives a weekly dosage of some high powered pain medications (idk the specifics)
He has kept them in the safe away from Carey, but my dad just found 15 of them missing. So somehow he now has access to my dads pills.
If he keeps taking them, hes gonna end up hospitalizing my dad. But my dad wont notify his doctor because he doesnt want to put his son in jail.
Im stuck in the middle of it wanting the best for both family members
I just dont know what to do at this point.
Any like stories or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Or information on how pain pill addiction works, because Carey said he felt better then ever when he was released from jail (being sober for 6 weeks) but now has went back to his old ways.
Thanks,
-J.
He is 22 years of age.
He has been addicted for 4+ years now.
Recently, Carey went to jail for a non-drug charge and served idk 6 weeks before they allowed him out on house arrest.
My father was reluctant because before, Carey has stolen everything we have, including my dads wedding band for money. Anyways, he kicked him out a long time ago and now my dad didnt know if he should let him stay here or not.
He ended up allowing Carey to stay at our house under house arrest. My dad was involved in a tragic car accident 2 years ago and because of that receives a weekly dosage of some high powered pain medications (idk the specifics)
He has kept them in the safe away from Carey, but my dad just found 15 of them missing. So somehow he now has access to my dads pills.
If he keeps taking them, hes gonna end up hospitalizing my dad. But my dad wont notify his doctor because he doesnt want to put his son in jail.
Im stuck in the middle of it wanting the best for both family members
I just dont know what to do at this point.
Any like stories or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Or information on how pain pill addiction works, because Carey said he felt better then ever when he was released from jail (being sober for 6 weeks) but now has went back to his old ways.
Thanks,
-J.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((WildCards))) - welcome to SR!!
I'm sorry you feel like you are being put in the middle. When I first came here, I read a LOT of posts by others, and found out I wasn't alone. FWIW, I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie (codependent). I spent decades worrying about others, trying to fix them, and it never worked.
I wouldn't doubt Carey felt better after some clean time. However, recovery from drugs is more than just quitting the dope. If we don't change our way of thinking, change the people we hang out with, change our old behaviors, it's really easy to slip back into the "old comfort zone"...dope.
You may want to check out al-anon meetings..they are for loved ones of A's (alcoholics/addicts). In the meantime, there is a lot of support, here, though it may be a little slow tonight. You are, definitely, not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm sorry you feel like you are being put in the middle. When I first came here, I read a LOT of posts by others, and found out I wasn't alone. FWIW, I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie (codependent). I spent decades worrying about others, trying to fix them, and it never worked.
I wouldn't doubt Carey felt better after some clean time. However, recovery from drugs is more than just quitting the dope. If we don't change our way of thinking, change the people we hang out with, change our old behaviors, it's really easy to slip back into the "old comfort zone"...dope.
You may want to check out al-anon meetings..they are for loved ones of A's (alcoholics/addicts). In the meantime, there is a lot of support, here, though it may be a little slow tonight. You are, definitely, not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I let my son return home too, many times, and not once did it work because even when he came home clean, it was just a matter of time before he used...and then stole from us to continue using.
What helped me when I had to make my son leave, was to hand him a list of meetings, telephone numbers for shelters and detox, and a list of rehabs in the area. That meant he had a choice, he could choose recovery and start the journey back or he could choose to continue using. Either way, staying at my home and turning what should be my "safe place" into a war zone, was not a good choice.
"We" are not their solution. If love could save them, not one of us would be here.
Each morning I say a prayer for my son and then leave him in God's hands for the day. That helps me cope. My son knows where real help is, and when he is ready he will find it.
Your brother got clean in jail before. It's funny how jail often is just what they need to find their balance and recovery again. It's better than many of the alternatives.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
What helped me when I had to make my son leave, was to hand him a list of meetings, telephone numbers for shelters and detox, and a list of rehabs in the area. That meant he had a choice, he could choose recovery and start the journey back or he could choose to continue using. Either way, staying at my home and turning what should be my "safe place" into a war zone, was not a good choice.
"We" are not their solution. If love could save them, not one of us would be here.
Each morning I say a prayer for my son and then leave him in God's hands for the day. That helps me cope. My son knows where real help is, and when he is ready he will find it.
Your brother got clean in jail before. It's funny how jail often is just what they need to find their balance and recovery again. It's better than many of the alternatives.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
wildcards
Welcome to SR.....I'm glad you found us but as always I'm sorry for the reason that brings you here.
We are very big on self-care around here. Sometimes we try so hard to take care of the people around us and we forget that we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Addiction is a family disease and it affects everyone.
Are you still living at home? Is your brother older or younger than you are? The reason that I ask is that our responses may change a little bit depending upon your circumstances.
Please know that you are not alone. All of us here on SR love someone who is addicted. We understand and are here to support you.
gentle hugs
Welcome to SR.....I'm glad you found us but as always I'm sorry for the reason that brings you here.
We are very big on self-care around here. Sometimes we try so hard to take care of the people around us and we forget that we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Addiction is a family disease and it affects everyone.
Are you still living at home? Is your brother older or younger than you are? The reason that I ask is that our responses may change a little bit depending upon your circumstances.
Please know that you are not alone. All of us here on SR love someone who is addicted. We understand and are here to support you.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3
Im 19, hes 22.
At the moment, we are both living at home. I am never here though because I'm a full time college student with a part time job
He is very depressed and sad because my dad keeps talking down on him.
I feel sorry for him, but at the same time hes turning behind our backs to steal from us and use.
He wants rehab but my dad thinks that wont help. Both of them are very stubborn and I cant get them to cooperate to work this out.
At the moment, we are both living at home. I am never here though because I'm a full time college student with a part time job
He is very depressed and sad because my dad keeps talking down on him.
I feel sorry for him, but at the same time hes turning behind our backs to steal from us and use.
He wants rehab but my dad thinks that wont help. Both of them are very stubborn and I cant get them to cooperate to work this out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Wildcards
Addiction is a tough disease. The harder we try to get between the addict and their drug of choice, the more it seems to make them want to use more. The same goes for the codependent (in denial). The more someone tries to get between the codependent and the addict, the more stubborn the codependent becomes. The dance of addiction is tricky and confusing.
So.....what can you do for you? Keep focusing on your studies and your job. Read and educate yourself about codependence and addiction. Take care of you.
We take control of that which we can control. Ourselves.
gentle hugs
Addiction is a tough disease. The harder we try to get between the addict and their drug of choice, the more it seems to make them want to use more. The same goes for the codependent (in denial). The more someone tries to get between the codependent and the addict, the more stubborn the codependent becomes. The dance of addiction is tricky and confusing.
So.....what can you do for you? Keep focusing on your studies and your job. Read and educate yourself about codependence and addiction. Take care of you.
We take control of that which we can control. Ourselves.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
What any rehab will tell the family members is to got to alanon or naranon..Dr.Drew said it this way "If you have a family member who is an addict and you do not go to alanon, you are part of the problem".They will teach you how to lovingly detach and focus on yourself..beacuse as ANN said..if love and concern could fix addiction, none of us would be here.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Being the recovering opiate user! I want to say this. You only have control over yourself. The more you push your brother to stop. The more ****/ed off he'll become and the more he'll want to use. He's been doing this for four years. He's in no way looking for a way out at this time. If he's been in jail once. He'll find himself there again at the rate he's going. Because I guarantee you he's getting meds from other sources than your father. If he's got this length of time on the pills, he's using a LOT each day to acquire his high.
I'd put a lock on my bedroom door and anything else he could steal or pawn for money to get his drugs.
As I did myself! It's up to each individual to come to the conclusion to STOP taking the opiates. Or be forced by jail or intervention. And that usually won't work, because it wasn't the individual's decision.
The DEA is really cracking down on pill mill's and doctor's for prescribing pain meds. So it will catch up to him in the long run.
Focus on yourself. Continue with your college and your pt job. You are headed in a very good direction. Don't let him pull you down.
TOD
I'd put a lock on my bedroom door and anything else he could steal or pawn for money to get his drugs.
As I did myself! It's up to each individual to come to the conclusion to STOP taking the opiates. Or be forced by jail or intervention. And that usually won't work, because it wasn't the individual's decision.
The DEA is really cracking down on pill mill's and doctor's for prescribing pain meds. So it will catch up to him in the long run.
Focus on yourself. Continue with your college and your pt job. You are headed in a very good direction. Don't let him pull you down.
TOD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3
I understand what all of you are telling me.
But its so hard to turn my back on my own brother. I mean he use to be my idol, and my best friend. I will never lose hope that one day we can have the relationship we once had. It's just tough watching him do this to himself along with the people that care about him the most.
I have looked into this Nar-Anon program and have intentions of going to one of the local meetings soon. Hopefully it will help us in our decision on what to do.
But its so hard to turn my back on my own brother. I mean he use to be my idol, and my best friend. I will never lose hope that one day we can have the relationship we once had. It's just tough watching him do this to himself along with the people that care about him the most.
I have looked into this Nar-Anon program and have intentions of going to one of the local meetings soon. Hopefully it will help us in our decision on what to do.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by WildCards 
I understand what all of you are telling me.
But its so hard to turn my back on my own brother. I mean he use to be my idol, and my best friend. I will never lose hope that one day we can have the relationship we once had.
But its so hard to turn my back on my own brother. I mean he use to be my idol, and my best friend. I will never lose hope that one day we can have the relationship we once had.
Starting to abuse drugs young is tough because a teenager or young adult usually doesn't have a job or career to return to or keep by being sober. The only lifestyle they know as an adult is drugs. Hopefully he remembers life sober and you and your parents before he started abusing.
I'd say worry about yourself and go to college and set the example for your brother, show him up as little sis. Make yourself his go to person for advice and inspiration. Maybe this will force him to look at some free training/schooling he'll be offered the next time he is in prison or rehab. Now he'll have a path and something to look forward to stay sober.
Get your degree, keep your job and build your resume. Learn to take care of yourself first so then if you want you can take care of others or your brother. Stay in school and do well. Become the star of the family!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
